One last weekend of semi-crappy
films to be dumped on us, and then we’re set for three months of excellent
releases (see the Upcoming Biggies feature at the bottom).
At least with this week’s
new films, there is some potential for a few chuckles. Some intentional
(“Open Season”, “School for Scoundrels”); some not (Kevin Costner
and Ashton Kutcher).
~ One of Ron Howard’s next
Serious Projects will be a film adaptation of the play “Frost/Nixon”,
centered about the 1977 interviews the disgraced former President gave
to the famous British TV host. Hopefully it’s going to have
lots of flashbacks…but I still can’t figure out how it would be
different from say…renting the actual interview and then watching
Oliver Stone’s excellent “Nixon”.
~ Alien vs Predator 2 has been
greenlighted. Why? Reiko Aylesworth (Michelle Dressler in
“24”) and Steven Pasquale (the dim witted Garrity in “Rescue Me”)
will be the human stars. I get the feeling that the “Snakes
on a Plane” will look like “Casablanca” compared to this.
~ From the ridiculous to the
sublime: Tommy Lee Jones and Charleze Theron are set to star in “The
Garden of Elah”. Jones will play a career soldier whose son
goes AWOL under mysterious circumstances after returning from the Iraq
War. Theron plays a detective trying to help Jones get to the
bottom of it all. There are many things I would like Charlize
Theron help me with…none of which I should really get into in this
~ And the man who will be playing
Tony Stark, aka Iron Man in the upcoming Superhero movie is: Robert
Downey, Jr??? OK, I know the comic book character was one extremely
screwed up dude…but Robert Downey, Jr??? Could be worse…could
be Ashton Kutcher or Tom Cruise.
~ And you just have to love
this news. I’ve been reporting for some time that Keith Richards
will be playing Captain Jack Sparrow’s father in the third Pirates
of the Caribbean movie. Well, they were trying to film his cameo,
and Keith was shitfaced drunk, requiring assistance from director Gore
Verbinsky. Richards’ reported line to the director/staff was
classic: “If you wanted straight, then you got the wrong man”.
Keith Richards is my hero.
This week’s new releases:
Title: The Guardian
Starring: Kevin Costner, Ashton
Plot: Coast Guard rescue
swimmer burns out and turns to teaching back at the academy where he
mentors a young hot shot.
The BeerBuzz: So you have to
ask yourself two questions. Is Kevin Costner on a horse or playing
a jock? Is Ashton Kutcher on screen? Unless the answers
are “yes” and “no”, then you are going to have a sucky movie…and
this one looks to be laugh out loud B-A-D. “An Officer and a
Gentleman; Lite-weight”. If Kutcher tears up while yelling “I
got no where else to go!!!”, my lunch may have somewhere else to go.
Title: Open Season
Starring: the voices of Martin
Lawrence, Ashton Kutcher, and Debra Messing.
Plot: A domesticated grizzly
beer and a mentally deficient one antlered deer try to survive the start
of hunting season.
The BeerBuzz: From the
trailers, this looks like it could be pretty funny, and a movie that
you can take the kids to and not want to step out to the refreshment
stand to order a double Clorox. Lawrence’s bear looks to be
the coolest one since Yogi, and ya gotta love the pissed off Scottish
squirrels. And I’m not sure what’s up with the numerous wigged
out rabbits…might be fun to watch it totally wasted when it comes
out on DVD.
Title: School for Scoundrels
Starring: Billy Bob Thorton,
Jon Heder, Michael Clarke Duncan
Plot: Loser-boy signs up for
a self-confidence class to work up the courage to ask out the girl of
his dreams. But it ends up that the rascal instructor sets sights
on the girl himself.
The BeerBuzz: Could really
be funny…or could really be stupid. OK, it’s stupid one way
or another, but the funny part has yet to be determined. Billy
Bob looks to expand upon his excellent bad boy performance in “Bad
Santa”, which bodes well for the film, as does Duncan playing any
role in a comedy (the man makes James Earl Jones sound like a tenor
in comparison). The funniest story coming out of this movie was
the dig Billy Bob managed to get through regarding ex-wife Angelina
Jolie. At one point, his character listens to Heder’s character
talk about his love for the girl (Jacinda Barrett), and responds, “Yeah,
I’m sure your days away from adopting a Chinese kid together”…a
slam against Angelina’s adoption of an Asian child. BBT, of
course, denies anything derogatory was meant from it. And the
check is in the mail, too.
New DVD Releases on
Tuesday, October 3rd
X-Men 3: The Last Stand
– For the 20 or so movies I’ve reviewed since the inception
of this board, only the horrid “Lady in the Water” has received
a lower grade than
In truth, it’s not horrible…but in comparison to the excellent first
two editions directed by Bryan Singer, it really leaves a lot to be
desired. Not Batman 4 or Hulk level suck…but very disappointing
to fans of the series. Kelsey Grammer as “Beast” and Hugh
Jackman’s Wolverine still shine, though.
Thank You for Smoking
– Biting satire of a film centered around a lobbyist for the tobacco
industry. I’m holding out for the version where they put back
in the nude scene with Katie Holmes. Somebody help me.
And I’m not sure why, but
there are a boat load of “classics” being re-released this week
as “special editions”, including:
21 Grams: Special Edition
Body Double: Special Edition
Bugsy: Extended Cut
Lock, Stock, and Two Smoking
Barrels: Locked ‘N Loaded Director’s Cut - Unrated
The Little Mermaid: 2-Disc
The Maltese Falcon: 3-Disc
Point Break: Pure Adrenaline
Edition (their wording…NOT mine)
Scarface: Platinum Edition
Next week: The
Departed, Employee of the Month, The Texas Chainsaw Massacre: the Beginning.
Upcoming Biggies (click on
the hyperlink to view the available trailers).
of the Year:
October 13th – Robin Williams as a Jon Stewart type commentator/comedian
who runs for President as an Independent to shake things up…and wins.
Flags of Our Fathers:
October 20th - Director Clint Eastwood’s tale of
the men who raised the flag on Iwo Jima.
The Prestige: October 20th – Christopher
Nolan (Momento) directs Hugh Jackman, Christian Bale, and Scarlett Johansson
in a turn of the century mystery about two magicians. This one
has some great early buzz.
November 10th - Ridley Scott’s latest with a kinder, gentler
Russell Crowe and a plot line revolving around a vineyard. Crowe
and booze…always an interesting combination.
Casino Royale: November 17th - Daniel
Craig in his first appearance as 007. Good early buzz on this
The Fountain: November 22nd – Hugh
Jackman as a 16th Century Conquistador who finds the real
fountain of youth and spends 1000 years searching for a way to save
Déjà Vu: November
22nd – Denzel Washington in a Tony Scott time travel
December 22nd – Adrian!!!! I want to watch Matlock!!!!
The Good Shepherd –
December 22nd – Robert Di Niro directs Matt Damon, Anjelina
Jolie and himself in a tale of the early years of the CIA.
Dreamgirls – December
25th – Big budget adaptation of the Broadway musical with
Beyonce, Jamie Foxx and Eddie Murphy.
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