And the September released films continue to perform as if they played for the Cleveland Browns.
It’s not going to get much better this week as we get a high budget, high dollar film dumped on us that was made with the intention of making lots of money and getting lots of awards…but according to the buzz it looks like An Important Film that is really just Self-Important. More on that later.
All in all, another crap week, as September is rapidly turning into as much of a shitty movie dumping ground as what we normally see in February.
In other words; more time to watch football!
News & Rumors:
~ Rumors are spreading that the next Mission Impossible movie will star Brad Pitt, and not The Psycho Formerly Known As Tom Cruise. Brad won’t be Ethan Hunt, but some other James Bond wannabe with a new team. Stick a fork in this series, it’s done.
~ Meanwhile, Mrs Pitt; aka Angelina Jolie, will star in an adaptation of the classic Ayn Rand espionage novel “Atlas Shrugged”. Score this round to the fairer sex.
~ News of another football movie! And this one looks pretty interesting. George Clooney is set to direct and star in the film “Leatherhead”…and no, he’s not a cousin to the guy in “Texas Chainsaw Massacre”. It’s a romantic comedy set in the 1920s, and Clooney will play an aging football player trying to convince a college star to try his luck in the new NFL. Renee Zellweger will co-star.
This week’s new releases:
Title: All the King’s Men
Starring: Sean Penn, Jude Law, James Gandolfini, Anthony Hopkins
Plot: Remake of the 1949 classic film loosely based upon the life of legendary Populist Louisiana Governor Huey Long.
The BeerBuzz: The giant sucking sound you hear is two-fold. It’s the sound of all that money poured into this Oscar wannabe sinking into the abyss, and also the best description of this movie. Even according to star Sean Penn, it was a mess shooting. The script is muddled, and the editing and directing leave something to be desired. The multiple times this thing has had its release date changed is a sure indication of trouble. May end up losing more money than Poseidon or Miami Vice.
Starring: James Franco, Jean Reno, Jennifer Becker.
Plot: Several Americans volunteer to be pilots for the French Army prior to the USA entering WWI.
The BeerBuzz: The French Army? So how do you surrender while flying a bi-plane? Pretty cool cinematography and CGI…but without a bankable star, and once audiences find out this is much more of a character study than the action film the trailers depict…look for a rather cool reception.
Title: Jackass Number 2
Starring: Johnny Knoxville, Steve-O, Chris Pontius
Plot: Plot? We don’t need no stinkin’ Plot! Let’s just watch some stupid guys do stupid things! (Hell, go to any Browns’ tailgate party and you’ll see pretty much the same thing).
The BeerBuzz: What is there to say about this film? Nothing made in the past 30 years was as funny to 17 year old boys as the first one, so expect nothing but more of the same in this one…which is either great or ridiculous, depending on your viewpoint.
Starring: Jet Li
Plot: Martial Arts guy kicks a lot of ass.
The BeerBuzz: Let’s get everyone all excited about Jet Li’s LAST martial arts picture!!! (Yawn).
New DVD Releases on Tuesday, September 26th
Curious George– Rabid badly animated monkey is loose in the City!!!
The Lake House– Keanu and Sandra Bullock were pretty damn good together in “Speed”. But there is no sign of a bus with a bomb in this weird time travel chick flick. If Keanu is dealing with time travel, he’d better be in that damn phone booth with Bill S. Preston, Esq.
The Fast and the Furious: Tokyo Drift – For the first sequel, Vin Diesel…the man who did “The Pacifier”, decided the script was too lame. For this sequel, PAUL WALKER decided the script was too lame. That’s almost as unheard of as Marvin Lewis turning down a football player for the Bengals because his criminal record is too much. So this time they have that goofy kid that “tawked funny” in “Sling Blade” driving real fast on the wrong side of the road in Tokyo.
Next week: The Guardian, Open Season, School for Scoundrels (which will complete the circle of suck that was September).
Upcoming Biggies (click on the hyperlink to view the available trailers).
The Departed: October 6th - Scorsese’s latest with the Cast To Die For. Jack Nicholson, Matt Damon, Leonardo DiCaprio, Mark Wahlberg, Martin Sheen, Alec Baldwin, and Ray Winstone in a story about a cop (Leo) who has infiltrated the mob, and a mobster (Damon) who has infiltrated the cops.
Man of the Year: October 13th – Robin Williams as a Jon Stewart type commentator/comedian who runs for President as an Independent to shake things up…and wins.
Flags of Our Fathers: October 20th - Director Clint Eastwood’s tale of the men who raised the flag on Iwo Jima.
The Prestige: October 20th – Christopher Nolan (Momento) directs Hugh Jackman, Christian Bale, and Scarlett Johansson in a turn of the century mystery about two magicians. This one has some great early buzz.
Lucky You: October 27th Eric Bana/Drew Barrymore movie centering on the Poker Craze and the World Series of Poker.
A Good Year: November 10th - Ridley Scott’s latest with a kinder, gentler Russell Crowe and a plot line revolving around a vineyard. Crowe and booze…always an interesting combination.
Casino Royale: November 17th - Daniel Craig in his first appearance as 007. Good early buzz on this one.
The Fountain: November 22nd – Hugh Jackman as a 16th Century Conquistador who finds the real fountain of youth and spends 1000 years searching for a way to save his love.
Déjà Vu: November 22nd – Denzel Washington in a Tony Scott time travel adventure.
Rocky Balboa – December 22nd – Adrian!!!! I want to watch Matlock!!!!
The Good Shepherd – December 22nd – Robert Di Niro directs Matt Damon, Anjelina Jolie and himself in a tale of the early years of the CIA.
Dreamgirls – December 25th – Big budget adaptation of the Broadway musical with Beyonce, Jamie Foxx and Eddie Murphy.
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