Enjoy watching The Masters, the opening weekend of Indians baseball, and the Cavs beating up on the Celtics on Sunday.
Just don't bother going to the theater, or worrying about any new DVDs that are coming out on Tuesday.
Starting next week? The beginning of about 12 straight weeks with movies worth watching.
News and Rumors
~ Last week I made fun out of the remake of "Clash of the Titans". I may have to re-think that, as Liam Neeson has just signed on to play Zeus, with his "Schindler's List" co-star Ralph Fiennes agreeing to play his nemesis Hades. This might not be too bad after all.
~ I often rip on Al Pacino lately for his JonVoight level of scenery chewing, but this one has potential. Al is set to star as Napoleon in an adaptation of the book "Betsy and the Emperor". It's about a 14 year old girl who plays host to Napoleon in her home after Napoleon's capture at Waterloo.
~ A remake of "A Nightmare on Elm Street" would normally be destined for the "Stupid Remakes and Sequels" department. But not when it's Jackie Earle Haley playing the part of Freddy Krueger. Great to see opportunities continue to come in Haley's well received comeback.
~ Walt Disney Pictures and Jerry Bruckheimer have teamed up to purchase the film rights to doug Stanton's book "Horse Soldiers". The story centers around a group of elite special forces and CIA operatives who secretly invaded Afghanistan post 9/11 on horseback and helped Afghan fighters capture the city of Mazar-i-Sahrif and topple the Taliban.
Stupid Remakes and Sequels
~ "Gore Verbinski, the director of the first three "Pirates of the Caribbean" films, will not be directing the fourth. Right now, only Johnny Depp is officially attached to this film, so I now officially have lots of concerns about the quality of this project.
~ Two more video games are going to be made into film. "Bioshock" and "Shadow of the Colossus" are the next in line to bomb at the box office.
This week's new movie releases:
Observe & Report
Starring: Seth Rogan, Anna Ferris, Michael Pena
Plot: R-Rated version of "Paul Blart: Mall Cop"
The BeerBuzz: This is normally the type of movie I hate...but not-so-fast-my-little-friend. This is said to be pretty good, despite some really stupid, gross, and misogynistic moments. The difference is that Rogen doesn't play him for laughs like Kevin James did. Rogen's mall cop is angry, humorless, and borderline sociopathic, and it's said that the humor is better with Rogen and director Jody Hill having the balls to not try to "cute up" anything.
Hannah Montana: The Movie
Starring: Miley Cyrus, Billy Ray Cyrus, Emily Osment
Plot: As Hannah Montana's popularity begins to take over her life, Miley Stewart is urged by her father to take a trip to her Tennessee hometown to get some perspective.
The BeerBuzz: You'd think that given the last name of the two stars of this movie, that I'd be all for it. You'd be wrong. My condolences to all of you parents of girls 6 - 13 that are going to be drug to this.
Starring: Justin Chatwin, James Marsters, Chow Yun-Fat
Plot: Plot? PLOT? Are you kidding? Don't talk about PLOT for a movie based on a cheesy cartoon.
The BeerBuzz: As bad as the adaptation of the anime classic "Speed Racer" was last year, you'd think someone would learn their lesson. Nope. But at least this time they aren't promoting it like it's going to actually be a hit or anything. If you're an Anime fan, hang on until "Astro Boy" comes out.
New DVD Releases for Tuesday, April 14
The Reader - Despite the fact that I really didn't like the story, the direction, or the male actors in this film, I'll still recommend it solely on the bravura and gutsy performance by Kate Winslet, one in which she truly earned her first Oscar as Best Actress. The plot concerns a teenaged boy in 1958 Germany who starts an affair with an older woman, unaware of the secrets she keeps.
The Spirit - In a year (2008) of awful movies, this one wrapped up my year perfectly. It was so bad that I didn't even bother writing up a review, as it bombed at the box office, and was also totally lost in the shuffle of other bad movies released around that same time ("The Day the Earth Stood Still"). Even Samuel L. Jackson and Scarlett Johansson are nearly unwatchable in this terrible comic book adaptation.
Next week; State of Play 17 Again, Crank: High Voltage
Upcoming Biggies (click on the hyperlink to view the available trailers).
The Soloist - April 24 - Jamie Foxx and Robert Downey Jr. as a street living mentally disturbed man who is also a virtuoso cellist. Downey Jr. plays the down and out reporter who discovers and befriends him.
X-Men Origins: Wolverine - May 1 - Hugh Jackman goes it alone as the adamentium enhanced anti-hero. With Live Schreiber as Sabertooth, and Ryan Reynolds as Deadpool.
Star Trek - May 8 - J.J. Abrams and a young cast reboot the franchise, going back to Kirk and Spock's days at Starfleet Academy.
Angels and Demons - May 15 - Tom Hanks and Ron Howard follow-up to "The DaVinci Code"
Terminator: Salvation - May 22 - Christian Bale as John Conner as the franchise moves into the apocalyptic future.
Night at the Museum: Battle of the Smithsonian - May 22 - This time, Ben Stiller's hapless security guard has to break into the Smithsonian Museum to rescue some of his peeps who've been shipped there by mistake. The biggest mistake is scheduling this movie on the same weekend as Terminator.
Up - May 29 - Pixar's latest movie certain to be an Oscar winner for "Best Animated Feature". This time, it's an old man who ties hundreds of balloons to his house so he can go on an adventure while staying home.
Land of the Lost - June 5 - Will Ferrell will now do his completely predictable mugging as a scientist sucked into a space-time vortex into an alternate universe complete with dinosaurs. Based on the lame TV series.
The Taking of Pelham 123- June 12 - Denzel Washington, John Travolta, and James Gandolfini in a remake of the classic 1974 film about a hijacked subway car.
Year One - June 19 - Jack Black and Michael Cera as a couple of lazy hunter-gatherers on an epic journey through the ancient world. Harold Ramis directs
Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen: - June 26 - The next chapter of Robots In Disguise!
Public Enemy - July 1 - Johnny Depp as John Dillinger. Co-starring Christian Bale, and directed by Michael Mann
Bruno - July 10 - Sacha Baron Cohen attempts to recreate the magic he found in "Borat"; this time featuring his flamboyant Austrian fashion reporter character.
Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince - July 17 - The sixth of J.K. Rowling's seven books, setting the stage for the two part conclusion in 2010 and 2011.
G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra - August 7 - Every year, there is one big-budget movie that bombs. My prediction is that it will be this one.
Inglourious Basterds - August 21 - Quentin Tarantino directs Brad Pitt in this violent (of course) tale of a group of WWII commandos who conducted high-profile executions/terrorist acts against the Nazis in occupied France prior to D-Day.
Astro Boy - September 23 - They are really making a full length animated feature about this Japanese Anime chestnut?
Shutter Island - October 2 - Martin Scorsese working once again with Leonardo DiCaprio in this mystery set in 1954.
The Wolf Man - November 6 - Benicio Del Toro and Anthony Hopkins in the retelling of the classic horror tale.
2012 - November 13 - Roland Emmerich's ("The Day After Tomorrow") tale of global cataclysm and the struggle of the survivors.
Nine - November 27 - Tim Burton's latest animated strangeness, with Elijah Wood and Jennifer Connelly voicing characters fighting aliens in a post apocalyptic world.
The Lovely Bones - December 11 - Peter Jackson's latest, about the ghost of a young, murdered girl watching over her family and friends' reactions to the event. Mark Wahlberg and Rachel Weisz star.
Blockbusters on the Distant Horizon (movies that would seem to be big hits...as soon as they get made or released).
Avatar - (unknown) - James Cameron's sci-fi/CGI extravaganza. The C.I.A. should take lessons about secrecy from Cameron, as he's keeping info about this film very much to himself at this time.
The Road - (unannounced 2009) - Viggo Mortensen as a man walking with his son for months across a ravaged, post-apocalyptic landscape in search of civilization. Charlize Theron co-stars.
Nottingham - (unannounced 2010) - Ridley Scot and Russell Crowe together again in a retelling of the Robin Hood legend, this time through the eyes of the Sheriff of Nottingham (Crowe). With Cate Blanchett as Maid Marion.
Iron Man 2 - May, 2010 - Right on the heels of the success of the first one, Marvel is quick to get Robert Downey Jr. back into his titanium suit. Mickey Rourke and Scarlett Johansson to co-star.
The Chronicles of Narnia: The Voyage of the Dawn Treader - May, 2010 - The series goes off in a bit of a different direction, as those of you who love the books already know.
Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part I - 2010 - The start of the End for the boy wizard and his battle against He-Who-Shall-not-Be-Named
Lincoln - 2010 - Steven Spielberg directs the biographical film of the 16th President (Liam Neeson)
The Hobbit - 2010 - Guillermo del Toro directs and Peter Jackson will produce the prequel to "Lord of the Rings". Ian McKellen will return as Gandalf
Fantastic Voyage - 2010 - Roland Emmerich ("The Day After Tomorrow", "10,000 B.C.") remakes the classic 1967 movie about a miniaturized sub and crew operating on a scientist from inside his brain.
Spider-Man 4 - May 2011 - Tobey Maquire is back as the angst ridden arachnid powered hero.
Thor - June 2011 - Another Marvel superhero...but the Nordic God is about as bland personality-wise as Superman, so we'll see how it goes. Kevin Kidd (Rome) is said to be playing the title role.
Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part II - 2011 - The end of the line for what will be beyond doubt the most profitable series in the history of film making.
The Hobbit 2 - 2011 - del Toro and Jackson again, this time covering the time between the end of Tolkien's book, "The Hobbit" and the start of LOTR.
The Avengers - 2012 - Iron Man, Hulk, Thor, and Captain America open up a can of whoopass on bad guys everywhere.
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