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The Crystal Ball - May 19th Releases
The Crystal Ball - May 19th Releases
If you're new to this website, the Crystal Ball is a piece we run each weekend by Mitch Cyrus. In it, Mitch takes a look at which movies are set to be released at the theaters and on DVD. Mitch also reviews the film industry rumors, news, and buzz ... and gives a sneak preview at whats coming down the road. A great read and a great column.
Another weekend, another disappointment for a movie considered to be a blockbuster, with ‘Poseidon’ getting the lukewarm reviews last week (including a 2 ½ rating from me). But this is another week with another mega-blockbuster, so maybe things will change.
Or not. See below for my opinion on how that one will go.
In our never ending effort to make these articles remotely interesting/entertaining, I’m adding a new feature; including some news blurbs about films that have been green-lighted. You won’t be seeing any of these anytime soon, but it’s a public service we provide to make sure you’re all psyched up for those 2007 releases.
~ Bad television remakes will soon be hitting a new low. Harvey Weinstein has committed (and should BE committed) to making a movie of the old television series “Knight Rider”. No, this is not a joke (actually, the movie probably will be). Luckily, it won’t star David Hasselhoff, but I think it would be a good thing to have William Daniels reprise his role of the voice of KITT. This will be the main competition with the movie adaptation of “Dallas” for Worst Film of 2007.
~ There are talks of having a sequel made of “Bruce Almighty”…this time titling it “Evan Almighty” with Steve Carell’s obnoxious newscaster being the central character. Why not? After all, “Son of the Mask” worked soooo well without Jim Carey, didn’t it? I guess we’ve had a third entry on that “Worst of 2007” category. Carell will also star as Maxwell Smart in the movie adaptation of the old Don Adams’ series “Get Smart”. Now that one may actually be funny.
~ Bryan Singer (X-Men, Superman Returns) will either produce or direct a remake of the sci-fi classic “Logan’s Run”. No cast has been announced at this time.
~ Brian Grazer has signed on as producer for “The School”, a drama concerning the Chechen terrorists’ occupation of a Russian school with over 1000 people, resulting in the deaths of over 300 people, including 31 terrorists. For those of you that weren’t depressed enough after “United 93”.
~ Jason Lee will be the voice of the CGI/Live Action film “Underdog”. That’s right…the old cartoon with Wally Cox’s voice of the emaciated canine superhero saving Polly Purebread from Simon Barsinister. I guess they learned nothing with “Rocky and Bullwinkle”, did they?
~ In news that’s a few weeks old, Keifer Sutherland is currently planning to shoot the movie version of “24” in London…as the show is an even bigger hit there than it is in the states. Great idea as far as I’m concerned. Five years of everything going down in Los Angeles is getting a bit old.
This week’s new releases:
Title: The Da Vinci Code
Starring: Tom Hanks, Audrey Tautou, Ian McKellen,
Plot: Movie adaptation of the best seller that has the Vatican really, really pissed off.
The BeerBuzz: DJK will be reviewing this movie next week…but the buzz out today from a screening from Cannes is NOT good. But then again, this is from a place where they think Jerry Lewis has talent. The secretive Catholic society Opus Dei, the Vatican, the Italian Interior Ministry and governments/people in the Philippines, India, and South Korea are all freaking out and demanding boycotts, censorship, and the public stoning to death of Opie.
My guess? It’s going to be huge this week, and very popular despite the tepid reactions of the critics. And someone on Fox News will pop a vein out of their forehead condemning it.
Title: Over the Hedge
Starring: the voices of Bruce Willis, Gary Shandling, and Steve Carell.
Plot: CGI animation of the popular comic strip about a group of forest creatures adapting to the invasion of suburbia into their pastoral lives.
The BeerBuzz: I’ve always loved the satire dripping throughout the comic strip. And with Dreamworks promoting it as another “Shrek”, I have high hopes that this will be another animated flick that adults can really enjoy. Great casting of some of the minor characters, with Wanda Sykes, William Shatner, Nick Nolte, Avril Lavigne, Allison Janey, and Eugen Levy adding their voices.
Title: See No Evil
Starring: Glen Jacobs (WWE’s Kane), and the body parts of several no named 28 year olds trying to play teenagers.
Plot: Juvenile delinquents are sent to clean up a decrepit hotel not knowing that a homicidal maniac lives there.
The BeerBuzz: Veni, Vidi, ZZZZZ. Give it two weeks and it’ll be out on DVD.
New DVD Releases on Tuesday, May 23rd
Cheaper By the Dozen 2
– Speaking of disaster films…this might make you want to be on “Poseidon”. The first version of the proof of Steve Martin’s complete slide to suckitude was at least semi-enjoyable in a few spots. This version just completely blows.
– Felicity Huffman’s Oscar nominated performance about a man undergoing gender re-assignment who finds out just before the final ‘snipping’ that he had fathered a son years earlier.
– Another adaptation of a violent video game into a movie, and one of the most ridiculed releases of the year…it lacks even the camp value of “Basic Instinct 2”.
Hollow Man 2
– Why do they make sequels to movies that totally blew chunks? Christian Slater “stars”…leaving me wondering whose career has tanked worse; his or Michael Keaton’s.
– The Complete Second Season – Al Swearengen Rules!
The Dirty Dozen (Special Edition)
– Release of the classic WWII film is a sure winner. Although I still can’t watch it without crying about Jim Brown’s character dying (c’mon…we KNOW Jim Brown was faster than any stinkin’ German’s bullets!)…as well as being pissed knowing that Art Model decided not to give Brown a few extra weeks to complete filming, so the Greatest Running Back in the history of the NFL retired. Another reason why Art Model is Satan.
Patton and Tora! Tora! Tora!
– Re-release of two of the best movies ever in the WWII genre.
Next week: X-Men: The Last Stand
The Upcoming Biggies:
The Breakup: June 2nd
The Omen: June 6th (6/6/06…isn’t that cute?)
Cars: June 9th
Prairie Home Companion: June 9th
Click: June 23rd
Superman Returns: June 30th
Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest: July 7th
M. Knight Shyamalan’s Lady in the Water: July 21st
Miami Vice: July 29th
World Trade Center: August 9th
Snakes On a Plane!: August 18th
Clerks II: August 18th
All the King’s Men: September 22nd
Flags of Our Fathers: (Clint Eastwood directs the story of the men who raised the flag on Iwo Jima): October 20th
Casino Royale (007): November 17th
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