News and Rumors
~ Another week, another report about "The Hobbit". It seems that Peter Jackson and Guillermo del Toro have zeroed in on James McAvoy to play the lead role of Bilbo Baggins. Names as diverse as Harry Potter star Daniel Radcliffe and Jack Black have been mentioned for the role, but the director and producer are wanting the "Atonement" and "Last King of Scotland" star to take on the furry feet of the role played by Ian Holm in the LOTR trilogy.
~ It's been acknowledged for some time that Tobey Maguire will not be returning as Peter Parker in the next "Spider-Man" movie. So who will it be in the spandex? Rumors right now indicate it will either be Patrick Fugit (first seen as the 15 year old reporter in "Almost Famous") or Michael Angarano...who was seen most recently by TheClevelandFan readers as Scott Wallace, the teenager Jack Bauer saved in the latest season of "24". Ironically, Angarano was also in "Almost Famous", playing a younger version of Patrick Fugit's character.
~ The plot from the next Terminator movie has been announced. The movie will be set in post-apocalyptic 2018. John Connor's faith in the future he was led to believe in has been shaken by the appearance of a stranger whose last memory is of being on death row. Connor doesn't know if the man has been sent from the past or the future, but the two of them must work together to spoil Skynet's planned final onslaught against humanity. I somehow get the feeling Skynet doesn't win out...not when they've already announced that Terminator 5 and Terminator 6 will also be made, starring Christian Bale.
~ Speaking of the Terminator, the former lead singer of the band Garbage, Shirley Manson, will be joining the cast of the excellent television series "Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles". This will be the Scottish singer's first acting gig.
~ This is bad news as far as I'm concerned. I was looking forward to the teaming of Clive Owen and Naomi Watts in the spy thriller "The International". The movie was supposed to be released in August. Now it's been pushed back until mid-February 2009. Unfortunately, that only can me one thing: It stinks. Bummer.
~ As most of you are aware, I'm not exactly enamored with sequels, unless they are part of an ongoing series, such as "The Chronicles of Narnia" or the James Bond movies. So how do you think I reacted when I read this news? Elizabeth Berkley has joined the cast of a "S. Darko", a sequel to the 2001 cult hit "Donnie Darko". This one follows the adventures of Donnie's sister Samantha (played by Daveigh Chase, reprising her role from the first film). Berkley plays a speed-fread-turned-Jesus-freak. So do you remember Berkley more from "Saved By the Bell" or "Showgirls"? For me? I'll take full nudity over high school hijinx any time. In either case, nothing good can come of this.
~ Eddie Murphy and Brett Ratner will be doing "Beverly Hills Cop 4". Insert barfing emoticon here.
~ What's worse than movie sequels, as described above? Television series made from movies (the only exceptions being M*A*S*H and the aforementioned Sarah Connor Chronicles). Exhibit A: a television series adapted from the Oscar Winning film "Crash". Since many, many people disagreed with "Crash" winning the Oscar...this just stinks to high heaven of "bad idea".
~ And we close with a fond farewell to Harvey Korman. I see no better tribute than to post one of his memorable lines from "Blazing Saddles"
Hedley Lamarr: My mind is a raging torrent, flooded with rivulets of thought cascading into a waterfall of creative alternatives.
Taggart: God darnit, Mr. Lamarr, you use your tongue prettier than a twenty dollar whore.
So long, Harvey. Go do, the voodoo, that you do, so well. This week's new movie releases:
Pop Quiz: If you are a guy...and you aren't into cheap horror flicks...what do you do?
Answer: Go see "Iron Man" or "Indiana Jones" again. Sex and the City
Starring: Sarah Jessica Parker, Kim Cattrall, Cynthia Nixon, and Kristin Davis
Plot: The girls from the HBO series are back in town and on the big screen, and dealing with Carrie's pending nuptials with Mr. Big.
The BeerBuzz: What can a guy say on a sports site that cateers predominately to guys about a movie that is the antithesis of everything we stand for in Guy-Hood? So please, offer me your sympathy and support as I get drug to this film by my wife and daughter. I'll recap it for you in a few days.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Starring: Scott Speedman, Liv Tyler, Gemma Ward
Plot: A couple cozied up in a vacation home are terrorized by three unknown assailants.
The BeerBuzz: Counter programming to the estrogen laced SATC and all the blockbuster adventures still raking in mega-bucks. Last year, the same attempt was made by taking some mainstream actors and putting them in a horror flick with the abysmal "Vacancy". That Luke Wilson/Kate Beckinsale film tanked...and so will this piece of crud.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
New DVD Releases for Tuesday, June 3rd
Another week of nothing worth adding to my Netflix Queue. However...this will improve next week ("The Bucket List", "Jumper" and "The Other Boleyn Girl")
Semi-Pro - Will Ferrell as a stupid, egotistical owner of a floundering ABA team trying to get absorbed into the NBA. This movie completely tanked, giving me hope that the world has finally figured out what I've known for years: Will Ferrell cannot play anything but slight variations of the same character. That Old Spice is still running those disgusting "Jackie Moon" commercials during the NBA Playoffs is a complete mystery to me. At least Bud Light was smart enough to drop them.
Meet the Spartans - The latest in the line of movies by the same hacks started with "Scary Movie"...this time going (mostly) after "300". Carmen Electra and Hercules himself, Kevin Sorbo. Not to be enjoyed by anyone with an IQ higher than room temperature.
The Eye - Another bomb from early 2008, this one with Jessica Alba receiving a haunted eye transplant. Hopefully next time they'll give her the eyes of someone that could recognize a good script.
Next week; You Don't Mess with the Zohan, Kung Fu Panda
Upcoming Biggies (click on the hyperlink to view the available trailers).
The Incredible Hulk - June 13th - Looks to be much, much better than the Ang Lee stink-fest, with Edward Norton taking on the role of Bruce Banner.
The Happening - June 13th - Latest M. Night Shyamalan thriller, staring Mark Wahlberg in a tale about a family on the run after natural disasters threaten the entire planet.
Get Smart - June 20th - Steve Carell, Anne Hathaway, and Alan Arkin take on the roles of Maxwell Smart, Agent 99 and The Chief. As much as I hate movie adaptations of television shows, this one has potential.
The Love Guru - June 20th - Mike Myers already catching as much hell from India as Sacha Baron Cohen did from Kazakhstan for making fun of cultures that don't seem to have a sense of humor.
Wall-E - June 27th - Pixar's next masterpiece, about a garbage cleaning robot who dreams of the stars.
Wanted - June 27th - Look for this to make a box office star out of James McAvoy ("The Last King of Scotland", "Atonement") as he plays a young man brought into a secret society of assassins by a hot, hot looking Angelina Jolie. Morgan Freeman plays their boss.
Hancock - July 4th - Will Smith as a hard-living superhero needing the use of a public relations professional (Jason Bateman) to repair his image.
Hellboy II: The Golden Army - July 11th - The big red cigar chomping demon with a bad attitude is back for more butt kicking.
The Dark Knight - July 19th - Batman is back, and this time he's tracking the Joker, played by Heath Ledger. Most likely the box office champion of 2008.
Mamma Mia! - July 19th - Something for the ladies to attend while the guys are busy watching Batman kick the Joker's ass. A musical featuring the songs of ABBA. And my wife wants us to go see it. Sigh.
X-Files 2: I Want to Believe - July 25th - I want to believe this won't be as lame as the first X-Files movie. We'll see
Tropic Thunder - August 15th - A group of actors shooting a big budget war movie are forced to become the soldiers they are portraying in the film. Stars Ben Stiller, Jack Black, and Robert Downey Jr, playing a white actor donning black make-up to "fit the part".
Star Wars: the Clone Wars - August 15th - First ever animated Star Wars project from Lucasfilm Animation.
Righteous Kill - September 12th - Robert De Niro and Al Pacino together again as NY detectives working on a case that may be related to both a serial killer and a man they might have wrongly imprisoned years before.
Burn After Reading - September 12th - The latest Coen Brothers' movie, with Brad Pitt joining Frances McDormand, George Clooney, Tilda Swinton and John Malkovich in a dark comedy about missing memoirs of a CIA agent.
Eagle Eye - September 26th - Shia LaBeouf and Michelle Monoghan as a slacker and a single mother who become unwitting members of a terrorist cell plotting a political assassination.
House of Lies - October 10th - Russell Crowe and Leonardo DiCaprio in Ridley Scott's spy tale of intrigue in the Middle East.
RocknRolla - October 31st - Guy Ritchie hopefully back in form for another tale of London gangsters. Gerard Butler, Thandie Newton, Tom Wilkenson, and Jeremy Friggin' Piven star.
Quantum of Solace - November 13th - The next James Bond film, picking up shortly after the events ending "Casino Royale"
Australia - November 14th - Baz Luhrmann's epic tale set in WWII Australia. With Nicole Kidman and Hugh Jackman. Think "Gone with the Wind" with kangaroos.
Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince - November 21st - The sixth of J.K. Rowling's seven books, setting the stage for the two part conclusion in 2010 and 2011.
The Road - November 28th - Viggo Mortensen as a man walking with his son for months across a ravaged, post-apocalyptic landscape in search of civilization. Charlize Theron co-stars.
Defiance - December 19th - Daniel Craig and Live Schreiber as Jewish brothers in WWII Russian, leading a band of refuges in striking back at the Germans. A major early Oscar contender
Revolutionary Road - December 19th - Leonardo DiCaprio and Kate Winslet as a young couple raising a family in a Connecticut suburb during the mid 1950s. Sam Mendes ("American Beauty") directs the "Titanic" stars in their on-screen reunion.
The Spirit - December 25th - Frank Miller's next comic book adaptation, done in the same style as "Sin City".
Blockbusters on the Distant Horizon (movies that would seem to be big hits...as soon as they get made).
X-Men Origins: Wolverine - May 1st, 2009 - Hugh Jackman goes it alone as the adamentium enhanced anti-hero. With Live Schreiber as Sabertooth, and Ryan Reynolds as Deadpool.
Star Trek - May 8th, 2009 - J.J. Abrams and a young cast reboot the franchise, going back to Kirk and Spock's days at Starfleet Academy.
Angels and Demons - May 15th, 2009 - Tom Hanks and Ron Howard follow-up to "The DaVinci Code"
Terminator 4 - May 22nd, 2009 - Christian Bale as John Conner as the franchise moves into the apocalyptic future.
Transformers 2 - June 26th, 2009 - The next chapter of Robots In Disguise!
Public Enemy - July 1st, 2009 - Johnny Depp as John Dillinger. Co-staring Christian Bale, and directed by Michael Mann
The Taking of Pelham 123- August 7th, 2009 - Denzel Washington, John Travolta, and James Gandolfini in a remake of the classic 1974 film about a hijacked subway car.
Shutter Island - October, 2009 - Martin Scorsese working once again with Leonardo DiCaprio in this mystery set in 1954.
Nottingham - November, 2009 - Ridley Scot and Russell Crowe together again in a retelling of the Robin Hood legend, this time through the eyes of the Sheriff of Nottingham (Crowe).
Avatar - December 18th, 2009 - James Cameron's sci-fi/CGI extravaganza.
Iron Man 2 - May, 2010 - Right on the heels of the success of the first one, Marvel is quick to get Robert Downey Jr. back into his titanium suit.
The Chronicles of Narnia: The Voyage of the Dawn Treader - May, 2010 - The series goes off in a bit of a different direction, as those of you who love the books already know.
Thor - June 2010 - Another Marvel superhero...but the Nordic God is about as bland personality-wise as Superman, so we'll see how it goes.
Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part I - 2010 - The start of the End for the boy wizard and his battle against He-Who-Shall-not-Be-Named
Lincoln - 2010 - Steven Spielberg directs the biographical film of the 16th President (Liam Neeson)
The Hobbit - 2010 - Guillermo del Toro directs and Peter Jackson will produce the prequel to "Lord of the Rings". Ian McKellen will return as Gandalf
Fantastic Voyage - 2010 - Roland Emmerich ("The Day After Tomorrow", "10,000 B.C.") remakes the classic 1967 movie about a miniaturized sub and crew operating on a scientist from inside his brain.
The Avengers - 2011 - Iron Man, Hulk, Thor, and Captain America open up a can of whoopass on bad guys everywhere.
Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part II - 2011 - The end of the line for what will be beyond doubt the most profitable series in the history of film making.
The Hobbit 2 - 2011 - del Toro and Jackson again, this time covering the time between the end of Tolkien's book, "The Hobbit" and the start of LOTR.
Get DirectSatTV to follow your favorite Cavs action.