The city of Los Angeles once named a street after Jack Bauer in gratitude for his saving the city several times. They had to rename it after people kept dying when they tried to cross the street. No one crosses Jack Bauer and lives...
Great episode Monday night. Lots of twists, most of them unexpected, and the suspense level was ratcheted up several notches. There was so much new stuff developing that I really wish tonight’s episode had been two hours.
For an analysis of last week’s “Final Thoughts”, my batting average was right about at the level of a utility infielder. Looks like Gordenko will be around for some time to come, as will Phillip Bauer. My “Bold Prediction” of ex-President Logan pulling the strings behind the assassination attempt on Wayne Palmer seems to be totally wrong as well. I certainly didn’t expect him to show up this early.
I was at least right on the Blue Conspiracy Man Group making an attempt to pin the murder of PalmerLite on Assad. Blind squirrel; meet acorn.
Another thing; I’m not sure I like the fact that they seem to give away so much in the previews. From the one for next week, we already know how they’re going to try to assassinate the President, and we can tell that the motives of Logan have something to do with his crazy wife.
We pick right back up where we left off last week; with Jack seeing the burnt out UPS truck. He calls Buchanan, requesting a vendor change to FedEx, and then sets off trying to find Milo and Marilyn. And a big “no duh” for whichever thug made the comment that Milo “didn’t appear to be an experienced field agent”, as the big nosed geek managed to run himself and Marilyn into a dead end, where they end up hiding behind some trash bins. And although Milo has a moment where he gets the drop on them, he misses as badly as any goon trying to shoot Arnold Schwarzenegger, and ends up getting hit in the arm as Hacker and the other goons take the previously frozen Marilyn prisoner and are about to kill Milo when...
Jack adds two to the Death Count, and captures Hacker, the leader. He then gets to rough up Marilyn a bit as he takes her by the throat to demand to know why she set them up. “It’s your father. He killed Graem, and he’s threatening to kill Josh.” Oof. There’s a nice little blow to the solar plexus. Not quite the Freudian zinger Luke got from Darth Vader, but pretty devastating nonetheless. Jack gets the actual Gredenko address from Marilyn, and calls Bill to request another TAC team to go take care of him...Jack’s got other things to do. “How could I have been so stupid?”, Jack asks himself. I didn’t know if he was talking about not figuring out that Daddy was scum, or about accepting that role in “The Sentinel”.
Since Jack doesn’t know where Phillip is hiding, he needs both Hacker and Marilyn to do some acting, with Marilyn needing to get Phillip to agree to giving her Josh before she tells him Gredenko’s location. Marilyn almost pulls a Kim Bauer by screwing it all up, but she gets Phillip to agree. Unfortunately, Josh overhears the little part of the conversation where Grandpa Caligula threatens to end his life, so he tries making a break for it, but doesn’t succeed.
At CTU, it just ain’t Morris’s day. He can’t quite get over the fact that he’s a wuss who has enabled a madman to kill hundreds of thousands of people...and now he has to deal with the fact that Milo was injured trying to defend someone. Dr. Melfi on line 2, please. Chloe asks him if he needs to “talk to his sponsor”. Really? First time we’ve heard that Morris has a little problem with the bottle, but frankly it doesn’t surprise me. The only way I could handle being married to Chloe would be by drinking profusely.
Once we know about the problem, anyone who has watched this show more than once knows what’s going to happen next. Yep, Morris heads across the street for a bottle and some Altoids. Which brings up a great business opportunity that I haven’t previously considered...putting a convenience store selling hard liquor right across from a Police station or government building, where I could make a killing from stressed out, underpaid government workers needing a quick belt to deal with the pressure. Maybe sell firearms as well? Capitalism is wonderful. Anyway...Morris gets out of the store, walks around the corner, and swigs down half the bottle. And then gets a real deer-in-the-headlights look and purges it right back out. Guess he didn’t bother looking to see that he was drinking Maddog 20/20.
Across the country at the Super Secret High Voltage Clubhouse, Reed Wilkes Boothe and Biscuit Lennox are still going over the plan...which is for Biscuit to authorize an assassin to get into the bunker, where he will set something up (a little bomb, judging from next week’s previews) that will kill Wayne and put the blame on Assad. Lennox seems a bit unsure about it all, and has to leave as the President wants to see him about Assad’s speech. Lennox is shocked that Wayne still values his opinions. For me, I’m not sure I’d value anything coming from a man so stupid as to be isolated in an unknown position when calling the Secret Service to narc about Reed. But curses!, the ex-Mr. Hillary Swank has overheard Biscuit’s hushed phone conversation through a really thick metal door. And evidently the debating rules of the Super Secret High Voltage Clubhouse dictates that he who yields the bigger flashlight to his opponent’s head wins.
Back at CTU, Chloe busts Morris for his drinking, and they share some intimate conversations about how much Morris still cares for Chloe that I didn’t stick around to hear because I figured that was a great time to run to the fridge for another beer. Milo also smells the booze on Morris’ breath a little later, and confronts Chloe about it. I was hoping she’d grab a cane and whack him on his wound, but she just told him to STFU as she “knew” that Morris “didn’t metabolize” the alcohol. “Metabolize the alcohol?” Who the hell talks that way? So after all this angst regarding Morris, they are back in the Situation Room where they can monitor the TAC team’s effort to take Gredenko.
Anyone really surprised that Gredenko wasn’t there? If you were, you were probably also surprised that Rex Grossman sucked in the Super Bowl.
So with all the goings on at CTU and the Bunker, Jack’s had time to get to the hotel where Phillip and Josh are holed up. First we get to see what a hottie Marilyn is as she shows off her nice black lingerie before Jack helps her slip into something a little less comfortable, a bullet proof vest. But once in the room, they find it deserted. The phone rings, and it’s the man who makes Ken Lay look like a philanthropist, telling them to look across the street to where he is posed in a lovely family portrait titled “Gramps Holding Glock to maybe-jack-bauer-junior’s Head”. Evidently he’s not a bit surprised that Jack is still alive, and he agrees to a swap.
We get another little moment of tenderness between Jack and Marilyn before he gives her a gun and goes to meet his Maker (heh). Josh is released, and Jack and Phillip have one “last” conversation before (I think) Marilyn or Josh will come in with the gun Jack left Marilyn and blow Phillip away. Dad confesses to being blackmailed by Gredenko after the assassination of David Palmer, blaming Jack for having turned his back on the family business to become “a civil servant”. Gotta love the sneering way James Cromwell hissed out that phrase in complete contempt, spoken like a true Fortune 500 CEO. Jack then apologizes to his father, telling him that he never wanted to hurt him, blah, blah, blah, and then he says that “he’s ready”.
But looks like Jack was able to save himself by boring Phillip so damn much that he just ran away...leaving Jack a cell phone with a text message on it to call a number.
Which turns out to be ex-Prez Logan’s number...and he wants to help Jack find Gredenko.
Fade out to the “de-dump, de-dump, de-dump” countdown, and me going “WHOA!!!”
They really fooled me this week. As soon as Phillip had walked around to where he could shoot Jack from behind, and therefore had his back to the door, I just KNEW Marilyn or Josh would show up and shoot him.
To counter that, they were pretty predictable with Biscuit reconsidering what he was doing. As soon as I saw him waffling, I was certain that Reed would end up finding a way to neutralize him.
Which gets us down to the Assad Theories for next week. This thing is going to shake out one of three ways.
#1 Wayne is killed, Assad is blamed, VP Dick Daniels takes over, and Jack has to DEAL with all of that. I really can’t see that happening. No way will they end up killing both African-American “presidents” on this show. And since it’s happening in DC, there would be no way for Jack to be able to rectify that situation.
#2 Assad saves Wayne. Reed Wilkes Boothe is caught, and the focus shifts from the Arab bad guys (other than Fayed) to the Russians and the Blue Conspiracy Man Group with Assad helping out Wayne
#3 Assad dies saving Wayne. Muslim outrage ensues. Right now, this is my guess for most likely to happen.
Best Scene: Gotta go with the action sequence of Jack saving Milo and Marilyn, and then his expression when learning about his father.
Jack Bauer Death Count: 8. Phillip is running out of employees.
Who’s the Traitor?: Changes again. Take Biscuit Lennox somewhat off the list as he tried to do the right thing. And they need to introduce some more potential traitors, as the list is getting pretty thin.
1. Nadia. As sure as the Browns are going to bypass drafting an offensive lineman in the first two rounds, the attack on CTU is coming...probably “thanks” to her.
2. ex-President Logan. I can’t wait to see what this scum bucket is up to.
3. Vice President Daniels. It’s all going to depend on how the assassination attempt plays out.
4. Audrey Raines. Maybe Jack disappearing on her a second time put her over the edge.
Life Expectancy: Unscientific wild assed guesses on how much longer certain people will still be breathing and the chance they have of living through the day. 14 hours to go.
Assad: 1 more hour. I think he’s a goner. Chance of living through the day? 25%
Tom Lennox – 1 more hour. My guess is that the Red Herring out of the previews is in the killing of him and “making it look like a suicide”...I think they’ll be stopped first, but this is 24, so I could be wrong. Chance of living through the day? 50%
Reed Pollack – 2 more hours. Unless Assad Theory #1 comes to pass, he’s busted. Chance of living through the day? 10%
Morris – 6 more hours. The man is just tore up with guilt. He’s going to end up doing something incredibly brave or incredibly stupid that will cost him his life. Chance of living through the day? 25%
Nadia – 7 more hours. CTU moles always die as well (even if it takes awhile for it to happen, a la Nina Myers). Chance of living through the day? 33%
Phillip Bauer – 8 more hours. No idea now after his latest Houdini impression. Chance of living through the day? 50% (up from zero). He may just end up in prison...but now that he knows that his involvement in the David Palmer assassination has been revealed, and his company is screwed no matter what, he may end up pulling an Anakin Skywalker and assisting his son one last time before he dies.
Fayed – 11 hours. Didn’t even see him this week, as he’s delivering the bombs somewhere else. Chance of living through the day? 0%
Mike Doyle (Rick Schroder) – 12 more hours. Assuming that Fayed is going to be a few hours away from Jack with the bombs (Vegas perhaps? San Francisco? Phoenix?)...someone else is going to have to take him out. Enter Ricky. Chance of living through the day? 50%
General Gredenko – 12 more hours. Getting Logan involved with Gredenko puts me back to where I was two weeks ago...that he’s the bigger fish than Fayed. Chance of living through the day? 0%
President Logan – 13 hours, 40 minutes. Glad that he’s still an asshole. Chance of living through the day? 50%
Audrey Raines – 13 hours, 50 minutes. I still want to see a “Jack Bauer Bimbettes Celebrity Death Match” between her and Marilyn.
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