Looks like I’m about to have
a need to switch my alcoholic beverage of choice from beer to something
with Red Bull, as I’m going to be quite busy over the next several
Three movies coming out this
week that I’m interested in seeing…including the possibility of
the first Romantic Comedy I’ll review for Da Blurbs…as my wife already
has my Sunday planned out since there won’t be a Browns game to occupy
my time. Of course, there wasn’t really a Browns game last night
to occupy my time…just three and a half hours of incompetent playing
to frustrate the hell out of me.
News & Rumors:
~ After the huge success of
“Gladiator” and the moderate success of HBO’s “Rome”, I should
have seen this coming: a remake of “Cleopatra”. Any mention
of the names “J-Lo”, “Jessica Simpson”, or “Katie Holmes”
in connection with this may cause me to yell even more obscene things
than I did last night after Dennis Northcutt dropped a ball for the
21st time. As much as I love Scarlett Johansson, she’s
too pale for the part…same for Natalie Portman. Angelina Jolie
might be a bit too old…but she’d still be at the top of my list.
Jessica Alba might also work, although I’m not 100% sold on her acting
skills. And I’m sure producers everywhere are taking notes on
my recommendations…just like Jeff Davidson takes my suggestions about
how to best utilize Kellen Winslow, Jr.
~ Video games being made into
movies may appeal to me even less than TV series adaptations, but this
one is of interest. Timothy Olyphant, who plays tightly wound
Sheriff Seth Bullock on HBO’s “Deadwood” is set to replace Vin
Diesel in the big screen adaptation of “Hitman”. Now if they
can just find a way to slip Ian McShane (Al Swearengen) into the movie,
it might entice me to go see it.
~ I want to be Danny DeVito
(except for the bit about having to sleep with Rhea Perlman…blech).
Stay out drinking all night with George Clooney, show up on The View
the next day still soused, say whatever obnoxious thing I want, and
not have any major repercussions to my character. Although I still
don’t excuse him for “Deck the Halls”.
~ So which break up has you
more depressed this week? Kid Rock and Pamela Anderson?
Jennifer Aniston and Vince Vaughn? Eddie Murphy and Scary Spice?
Or Lance Bass and his boyfriend? Hah! It was a trick question.
Unless your answer was “I don’t give a rat’s ass about any of
them”, you lose! (Yeah, I was really, really short of actual
news to report on this week).
This week’s new releases:
Three movies destined for the
“Love Them Or Hate Them” categories…and one for the “Hate It”
Title: Blood Diamond
Starring: Leonardo DiCaprio,
Djimon Hounsou, Jennifer Connelly
Plot: A mercenary, a fisherman,
and an American journalist’s lives become entwined as they search
for a priceless diamond.
The BeerBuzz: One for
the action/adventure film lovers. Leo’s having a very good year,
and if this movie was more of a standard drama and less of a Bond-type
shoot-em-up, he might be getting pushed for an Oscar for this role as
opposed to “The Departed”. However, it is the third year in
a row when we get an end of the year movie telling us how bad things
are in Africa, following last year’s “The Constant Gardener”,
and 2004’s “Hotel Rwanda”. I’m not really sure if that’s
a good thing or a bad thing.
Starring: Mel is the only
person of interest regarding this movie. That’s not to say the
actors won’t do a good job, it’s just that you can’t talk about
the movie without Mel’s name dominating the conversation.
Plot: One native Mayan
decides that he’d really rather NOT have his heart cut out as a sacrifice
to the gods, and runs like hell.
The BeerBuzz: The biggest
problem I had with Mel’s “The Passion of the Christ” was that
he turned The Greatest Story Ever Told into The Greatest Slasher Story
Ever Told. If extreme graphic violence shown throughout the entire
movie isn’t your thing…skip this one. If you’re cool with
blood and guts at a level that would make Quentin Tarantino turn greenish,
you’ll probably enjoy a adrenaline rush chase movie with incredible
cinematography. Having viewed the ancient Mayan pyramid and ruins
at Chichen Itza in Mexico’s Yucatan Peninsula, I’m fascinated by
the culture of a people long gone. I’m just not sure that’s
enough to compensate for the gore.
Title: The Holiday
Starring: Cameron Diaz, Kate
Winslet, Jude Law, and Jack Black
Plot: Two recently dumped
women decide to swap houses for a vacation…one in London and the other
in Los Angeles…both meeting up with new love interests.
The BeerBuzz: Kate Winslet
and Jack Black. That half of the story will probably make this
Date Movie tolerable to me. Good early buzz that this is as satisfactory
as last year’s “The Family Stone” or 2004’s “Love Actually”,
so it may end up being tolerable. Director Nancy Meyers also gave
us “What Women Want”, and “Something’s Got to Give”…and
as far as Chick Flicks go, I didn’t leave the theater after watching
them wanting to kill myself or wondering why it is that women were not
wanting to always see big explosions, mangled body parts, or naked bimbos
like us guys. As mentioned, I’ll let you know next week as I’ll
be reviewing this and “Blood Diamond”.
Title: Unaccompanied Minors
Starring: Dyllan Christopher,
Tyler James Williams, Gina Mantegna
Plot: A group of kids
make their own holiday while snowed in at Chicago O’Hare airport
The BeerBuzz: “Home
Alone” meets “It’s a Wonderful Life”. And if that sounds
a little weird to you, then you’ve just gotten the gist of the buzz
about this movie. Take your kids to something else unless you
enjoy getting bored…my best recommendation would be to hold off until
next week and take them to see “Charlotte’s Web”.
New DVD Releases on
Tuesday, December 12th
Just in time Christmas, there
is another batch of major movies coming out to purchase/rent this week.
What a coincidence!
Talladega Nights: The Ballad
of Ricky Bobby – Who knew making fun of rednecks watching cars
making four hour left turns could be so profitable? And where
the hell is my cut? Damn…between this movie and “Stranger
Than Fiction”, I may have to remove Will Farrell from the top of my
“most talentless actor” list…which would put Ben Stiller back
where he belongs.
World Trade Center –
One of the best movies of the year. Oliver Stone hits every note
right in this poignant snapshot of one of the few uplifting tales that
came from that horrible day. Not much else to say that wasn’t
covered in my review.
Barnyard: The Original Party
Animals – Another successful animated film from this year.
I think we may end up having some sort of record for total box office
receipts from cartoons by the time it’s all said and done. For
this one? One of the poorer ones as far as I’m concerned.
Maybe I just can’t get past the fact that the MALE cows have udders.
The Devil Wears Prada
– I know what my wife will be ordering off from Netflix come Tuesday.
The surprise hit of the summer, one that might even end up giving Meryl
Streep an Oscar nomination for Best Supporting Actress for her turn
as the diva boss from hell.
Next week: Eragon, The Pursuit of
Upcoming Biggies (click on
the hyperlink to view the available trailers).
December 22nd – I’ll admit it…the trailer makes it
look much better than Rocky IV or Rocky V.
The Good Shepherd – December 22nd – Robert
Di Niro directs Matt Damon, Angelina Jolie and himself in a tale of
the early years of the CIA.
– December 22nd – Another uplifting movie with football
as the backdrop…this one about the attempts to rebuild the Marshall
football program after the tragic 1970 airline crash that killed 75
players, coaches, and staff.
Iwo Jima –
December 22nd - Clint Eastwood’s follow-up to “Flags
of Our Fathers”, showing the Battle of Iwo Jima from the perspective
of the Japanese.
Dreamgirls – December 25th – Big
budget adaptation of the Broadway musical with Beyonce, Jamie Foxx and
The Good German – December 25th – Oscar
contender from Stephen Soderberg starring George Clooney, Cate Blanchett,
and Tobey Maguire in post WWII Berlin.
of Men –
December 25th - New release date for the futuristic Clive
Owen and Julianna Moore film about a world where women can no longer
get pregnant, dooming mankind.
Hannibal Rising –
February 9th - Tale of how the young Hannibal Lecture became
the cretin we all know and love.
Ghost Rider – February 16th - Nicholas
Cage turns into a motorcycle riding superhero with a flaming skeleton
Number 23 –
February 23rd – Mystery/ Supernatural Thriller with Jim
Carrey and Virginia Madsen.
Zodiac – March 2nd - Jake Gyllenhaal
and Robert Downey, Jr star in the tale of the Bay Area serial killer.
300 – March 9th - Frank Miller
adaptation of the Frank Miller graphic novel about 300 Spartans defending
Greece from the entire frickin’ Persian Empire. Filmed in the
same style as “Sin City”.
Shooter – Political
thriller with Mark Wahlberg as a sniper trying to stop an assassination.
Reign Over Me – First
major fictional piece dealing with the effects of 9/11 on the families,
starring Adam Sandler (against type) and Don Cheadle (March)
Grind House – Two
one-hour short horror stories, one from Robert Rodriguez, the other
from Quentin Tarantino. (April)
Spider-Man 3 – The webslinger versus Venom, Sandman,
and Harry Osborne picking up his father’s GoblinGear. (May)
Shrek the Third –
Justin Timberlake as young King Arthur. Gulp (May)
Pirates of the Caribbean:
At the World’s End – Captain Jack goes for the hat trick (May)
Ocean’s Thirteen –
Will someone please stick a fork in this franchise? (June)
Fantastic Four: The Rise
of the Silver Surfer – No way does this film get completed by
this date (June)
Live Free or Die Hard
– John McClane strikes again (probably with his walker) (June)
Movie – ummmm…beeeerrrrrr
Potter and the Order of the Phoenix
– My wife and daughter will be there the first day (July)
The Bourne Ultimatum
– Superspy Jason Bourne (Matt Damon) is back and looking for his roots
Beowulf – Robert Zemeckis
gets all medieval on us with a motion capture (like “Polar Express”)
adaptation of the epic poem (November)
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