Damn penguins…screwing up
my predictions (so what’s my excuse the other 51 weeks per year?)
I could point out that “Casino
Royale” had a better per screen average than “Happy Feet”, but
that would sound like someone whining about how the Browns lead for
59 ½ minutes last Sunday against the Squealers.
I should have known better.
After all, three of the seven films that have grossed $150 million or
more this year have been animated (“Cars”, “Ice Age 2”, and
“Over the Hedge”).
Probably not much change this
holiday weekend. Lots of films being released, but only two of
them have any real potential. “Déjà vu” will get into the
top five, but probably only into third place, assuming it can beat out
“Borat”. “The Fountain” will have an OK first weekend,
and then fall like a stone.
News & Rumors:
~ Let’s start right out with
some news that’s pissing me off. Due to a money spat between
New Line Cinema and director Peter Jackson regarding Pete’s cut of
“The Fellowship of the Ring”, New Line has announced that PJ will
have nothing to do with the upcoming film adaptation of “The Hobbit”.
WTF???? Not having Jackson involved with a Tolkien project would
be like not having George Lucas involved in Star Wars.
~ In the same blurb, it was
mentioned that Jackson would also not be part of a possible “prequel”
to “Lord of the Rings”. Now this one has me disturbed as Tolkien
never wrote a “prequel”, and they aren’t talking about making
an adaptation of “The Silmarillion”. No…this one supposedly
covers the lives of Aragorn, Gandalf, Bilbo, et al from the end of “The
Hobbit” until the start of LOTR, I may definitely hurl.
~ Comic book movie news:
Josh Holloway, who plays Sawyer in “Lost” is said to be in line
to play Gambit on the next X-Men movie. He may have a more prominent
role than you’d think, as it’s is unlikely that X-4 would have Hugh
Jackman, Ian McKellen, or Halle Berry involved. Jackman will be
making the “Wolverine” movie, McKellen is set to star in a Magneto
movie…and Berry will be making an appearance on some reality show
with other washed up stars.
~ Dumb TV remake that may not
actually be that dumb. Steve Carell as super-spy Maxwell Smart
in the remake of Don Adams/Mel Brooks/Buck Henry classic “Get Smart”.
Scarlett Johannson is said to be the choice for Agent 99. OK,
would you believe Kiera Knightley? Fine…it’s Anne Hathaway.
~ Lindsay Lohan…Dennis Haysbert
from AllState just called. He said they’d like to put their
good hands around your neck and wring it until you can’t drive anymore.
~ SuperSkank Paris Hilton threw
up on stage while singing in Vegas the other night. I guess she
just wanted to have the same reaction as the audience forced to listen
to her caterwauling.
This week’s new releases:
It’s the holiday season…and
that means a boatload of new releases. And the watchword for today
Title: Deja Vu
Starring: Denzel Washington,
Paula Patton, James Caviezel
Plot: An FBI agent is
introduced to a secret government agency that could make it so that
the crime he’s working on solving would never happen
The BeerBuzz: It has
to be a better time travel flick than Keanu and Sandra in “The Lake
House”. A Jerry Bruckheimer film, so expect lots of things blowing
up big time. Fortunately, Jerry’s not working with Michael Bay,
so it’s probably not going to suck at “The Island” levels.
Even if the storyline may get a little stupid at times, Denzel has a
habit of being able to rise above an average action movie script and
make it an entertaining movie to watch (“Man on Fire”, “Out of
Time”, “The Bone Collector”).
Title: The Fountain
Starring: Hugh Jackman,
Plot: A conquistador
discovers the Tree of Life in the 1500s, and spends the next 1000 years
trying to save his love.
The BeerBuzz: Stupid
Movie #1. Director/writer Darren Aronofsky fancies himself as
the next Stanley Kubrick. He’s not. Bloated, meandering
movie that may be a decent thing visually to watch, especially if you’re
dropping a lot of acid. Other than that, it’ll bore the hell
out of you for 75% of it.
Starring: Half of freaking
Plot: Fictional accounts
of people in the Ambassador Hotel the night Bobby Kennedy was assassinated
intermingled with archive footage and actual interviews.
The BeerBuzz: Stupid
Movie #2. Did I say that “The Fountain” was bloated and meandering?
Same words apply to Emilio Estevez’s labor of love. His intentions
are good, but there are just too many people, too many plot lines, and
too much pontificating. However, the cast alone would make it
an interesting rental. Anthony Hopkins, Laurence Fishburne, Demi
Moore, Helen Hunt, Martin Sheen, William H. Macy, Christian Slater,
Ashton Kutcher, Heather Graham, Sharon Stone, Elijah Wood, Freddy Rodriguez,
Lindsay Lohan, and Harry Belafonte.
Title: Deck the Halls
Starring: Matthew Broderick
and Danny DeVito
Plot: Obnoxious short
fat man wants to make his Christmas light display so bright that it
can be seen from outer space. Whiny wuss wants to stop him.
The BeerBuzz: Extremely
Stupid Movie #3. This one should be a bigger bomb than the 2004
Ben Affleck stinker “Saving Christmas”. Sarah Jessica Parker
needs to hurry up and get to work on that “Sex In the City” movie
so that her husband Matthew can stop trying to earn a living making
tripe like this.
Title: Tenacious D in the
Pick of Destiny
Starring: Jack Black and Kevin
Plot: Plot? Are
you kidding me?
The BeerBuzz: Stupid
Movie #4. This is for hard core Jack Black/Tenacious D fans only.
The cameos should be rather amusing, however. Tim Robbins, Ben
Stiller, Colin Hanks, Amy Adams, John C. Reilly as Sasquatch, and Meat
Loaf as Jack’s father (I always thought Meat Loaf was Edwin McCain’s
long lost father).
Title: For Your Consideration
Starring: The usual suspects
involved in a Christopher Guest movie.
Plot: Guest’s typical
“mockumentary” ensemble, this time following three “actors”
(Catherine O’Hara, Parker Posey, Harry Shearer) who are stars in a
movie generating major Oscar buzz.
The BeerBuzz: I tend
to like a lot of Guest’s recent work. “Best in Show” and
“A Mighty Wind” were both quite amusing. However, the buzz
on this one is not good, so let’s just call it Stupid Movie #5, and
leave it at that.
New DVD Releases on Tuesday,
– The Boy Scout in Blue is back. Bryan Singer gets a lot right
in this homage to the original Christopher Reeve movie, including excellent
work from Brandon Routh as the Man of Steel, Kate Bosworth as Lois Lane
and Kevin Spacey as a menacing, whacked out Lex Luthor. Not a
classic, as it’s too long by about 45 minutes, and gets a little slow
in places…but still a great rental.
Clerks II – Kevin
Smith’s long awaited follow-up to his breakout film. Definitely
for the Kevin Smith fans out there, which is something I admire.
Smith vowed that he’d only do a sequel if it could be exactly the
way he wanted it, expectations and studio executives be damned.
The Ant Bully – Not
all animated films were box office cash cows. This was one of
those exceptions, and the reason is because it sucks.
Next week: The Nativity
Story, 10 Items or Less, Van Wilder 2: The Rise of Taj, Turistas.
OK…so you think I ripped this week’s new releases. Come back
next week, cuz you ain’t seen nuthin’ yet.
Upcoming Biggies (click on
the hyperlink to view the available trailers).
Apocalypto: December 8th –
Mel Gibson’s latest controversial movie filmed entirely in a dead
language, this one focusing on the decline and fall of the Mayan Civilization.
Blood Diamond – December 15th – Leonardo
DiCaprio, Jennifer Connelly, and Djimon Hounsou have various reasons
to search for a priceless diamond in Sierra Leone.
Eragon – December 15th – Swords
and Dragon fantasy with Jeremy Irons. The inner geek in me is
looking forward to it. But then again…lame attempts to rip off
Tolkien will totally draw my wrath.
December 22nd – I’ll admit it…the trailer makes it
look much better than Rocky IV or Rocky V.
The Good Shepherd – December 22nd – Robert
Di Niro directs Matt Damon, Angelina Jolie and himself in a tale of
the early years of the CIA.
– December 22nd – Another uplifting movie with football
as the backdrop…this one about the attempts to rebuild the Marshall
football program after the tragic 1970 airline crash that killed 75
players, coaches, and staff.
Dreamgirls – December 25th – Big
budget adaptation of the Broadway musical with Beyonce, Jamie Foxx and
The Good German – December 25th –Oscar
contender from Stephen Soderberg starring George Clooney, Cate Blanchett,
and Tobey Maguire in post WWII Berlin.
of Men –
December 25th - New release date for the futuristic Clive
Owen and Julianna Moore film about a world where women can no longer
get pregnant, dooming mankind.
2007 Attempts at Blockbusters
(most dates are nothing more than educated guesses at this point).
Zodiac – Jake Gyllenhaal and Robert Downey,
Jr star in the tale of the Bay Area serial killer (January)
Letters From Iwo Jima
– Clint Eastwood’s follow-up to “Flags of Our Fathers”, showing
the Battle of Iwo Jima from the perspective of the Japanese. (Wide release
in January or February, limited in December).
Hannibal Rising –
Tale of how the young Hannibal Lecture became the cretin we all know
and love (February)
Ghost Rider – Nicholas Cage turns into a motorcycle
riding superhero with a flaming skeleton head. (February)
The Number 23 – Mystery
Thriller with Jim Carrey and Virginia Madsen. (February)
Shooter – Political
thriller with Mark Wahlberg as a sniper trying to stop an assassination.
Reign Over Me – First
major fictional piece dealing with the effects of 9/11 on the families,
starring Adam Sandler (against type) and Don Cheadle (March)
300 – Frank Miller adaptation of the
Frank Miller graphic novel about 300 Spartans defending Greece from
the entire frickin’ Persian Empire. Filmed in the same style
as “Sin City”. (March)
Grind House – Two
one-hour short horror stories, one from Robert Rodriguez, the other
from Quentin Tarantino. (April)
Spider-Man 3 – The webslinger versus Venom, Sandman,
and Harry Osborne picking up his father’s GoblinGear. (May)
Shrek the Third –
Justin Timberlake as young King Arthur. Gulp (May)
Pirates of the Caribbean:
At the World’s End – Captain Jack goes for the hat trick (May)
Ocean’s Thirteen –
Will someone please stick a fork in this franchise? (June)
Fantastic Four: The Rise
of the Silver Surfer – No way does this film get completed by
this date (June)
Live Free or Die Hard
– John McClane strikes again (probably with his walker) (June)
Harry Potter and the Order
of the Phoenix – My wife and daughter will be there the first
The Bourne Ultimatum
– Superspy Jason Bourne (Matt Damon) is back and looking for his roots
Get DirectSatTV to follow your favorite Cavs action.