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Ryder Cup Ass Whoopin' Hard To Stomach
Man, how things have changed since I was a kid. The United States of America cannot win anything in international competitions anymore. Our basketball team just recieved their latest annual embarrassment at the World Games. Our baseball team was a miserable flop at the World Baseball Classic. Our soccer team? Let's not even go there. I offer up my thoughts on America's latest tank job in this alcohol-aided rant.
Man, how things have changed since I was a kid.
The United States of America cannot win anything in international competitions anymore. Our basketball team just recieved their latest annual embarrassment at the World Games. Our baseball team was a miserable flop at the World Baseball Classic. Our soccer team? Let's not even go there.
As frustrating as all the aforementioned failures were, the poster boys for American incompetence on the international stage are the United States Ryder Cup team, who were soundly spanked once again by the Europeans this weekend. The 18 1/2 to 9 1/2 trouncing matched the biggest margin of victory ever, set two years ago on American soil at Oakland Hills just outside Detroit. A beating I witnessed live and in person. The Euros also this year became the first team ever to win all five sessions, and amazingly lost just six of the twenty eight total matches in this years event. Europe has now won the last three Cups, and five of the last six events. Were it not for the miracle comeback at Brookline in 1999, the Americans would be in the midst of a thirteen year winless streak.
What the hell has gone wrong? We're Americans god dammit. We should be carving through these fruity Euros the same way our armed forces tore through Baghdad and the "Iraqi Army". As Americans, we're accustomed not just to winning ... but to winning soundly. We've had the best golfers in the world in this country since the beginning of time. And despite having the top three golfers in the world, that just simply isn't the case anymore. And that's what makes this latest loss even more frustrating.
The Euros, with their hobbit captain, lavender uniforms, and a roster loaded with smug pricks like Colin Montgomerie, Paul Casey, and Sergio Garcia ... just gave us a serious ass kicking. And in the process, left no doubt that Europe is now home to the worlds best golfers. They outplayed us so badly in all aspects of the game, then made big putt after big putt while their American counterparts fell apart under the pressure once again, missing nearly every putt of significance outside of ten feet. Simply put, this was the most lopsided Ryder Cup in the eighty year history of the event, and the 2006 Euro squad will be remembered as the most dominant squad in the long history of this history rich event.
For the Americans, the future looks just as bleak as the final scoreboard looked today. Tiger will always be Tiger, and one can only suspect that this years 3-2 record is a harbringer of better things to come from him in this event after a 7-11-2 record to start his Ryder Cup career. But he is one golfer, and this is a team event. Mickelson, DiMarco, Furyk, Toms, Cink, and Verplank all have terrible career match play records, and are cascading into ... and for most of them ... past the ages that most men play their most competitive golf during. Zach Johnson and J.J. Henry showed some things this weekend, but the bottom line is this: the lack of emerging young star American golfers right now is mind boggling.
When Tiger Woods burst on the scene in the mid nineties, the popularity of the game of golf amongst youths and minorities in this country absolutely exloded. Most analysts predicted that we would see a dynamic wave of talented young American players emerge from the pipeline around this time. Where are they? I look at the Euro squad and see kids like Garcia, Donald, Casey, Harrington, Howell, and Stenson ... and see no answer over here on the right side of the pond.
Underdogs this year for the first time in ages in this event, the Americans better start getting used to it.
Sep 23, 2006 7:00 PM
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