Whatever you’re doing right now is not as important as what you should be doing. Something dark, evil and heinous is taking place at this very moment -- and you have the opportunity to stop it from ever happening.
What is this horrible, horrible thing, you ask?
Peyton Hillis is paired against Michael Vick in the annual “Madden Voting”, a process that determines which NFL player will grace the cover of Madden’s video football game.
Why is this a bad thing, you ask?
Dang you’re annoying with all your questions. It’s a bad thing because of the curse, of course. “The Madden Curse” is a very real thing that turns NFL stars into targets of bad karma.
Eddie George was an unstoppable fireball of ill-intentions on the football field before he graced the cover of Madden’s football game. The next year, and for the remainder of his career, George never averaged over 3.3 yards per carry.
Daunte Culpepper won the honors the year before George. He had led the Vikings to the playoffs after an incredible season, but the following year, he threw 23 interceptions and set an NFL record for fumbles.
Marshall Faulk appeared on the 2003 cover, and following that year, he never recorded a 1,000 yard rushing season while also succumbing to reoccurring knee injuries.
Fast forwarding a little, Brett Favre appeared on the ‘09 cover and then randomly started sending pictures of his genitalia to female reporters shortly after.
What does it all mean? It means that if you don’t go and start voting for Michael Vick to be Madden’s new curse carrier, our insane, bone-crushing running back will inherit this misfortune. Hillis will not get 1,200 yards rushing and 16 touchdowns next year. He’s more likely to be eaten by a shark in the middle of an Arizona desert. I don’t care if that didn’t make sense. Something awful will happen and we can’t afford that. I’ve seen too many episodes of Depressing Cleveland Sports to allow this to happen.
Do it. Go vote for Vick. Here’s the link. I just voted for Vick. Then I opened an “incognito browser” in Google Chrome and voted for Vick again. Then I told my receptionist her car was on fire, and when she ran out to the parking lot to check, I used her computer to vote for Vick as well.
Do everything you can. Do it for Cleveland. Vote for Vick.
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