Have you ever run out of things to do at work? Have you ever run out of things to do at work but pretended to be really busy so your boss wouldn’t put anything new on your plate? Have you ever just slightly adjusted something you’ve done at work and presented it to your boss as if you did something completely new and that it took you forever to do it, even though all you did was highlight some sentences and change the title of your TPS report to TPS breakdown.
I feel like this is how Mel Kiper Jr. lives everyday of his life. I feel like he sits behind his closed door at ESPN headquarters with a sign that reads, “Do NOT Interrupt, Working on Mock Draft 53.0”. In reality, he’s laying on the floor, pantsless, eating chocolate pudding and watching whatever is on HGTV. I say “HGTV” because a man with hair that elegant is a man who cares about his home and garden, thank you very much.
Recently, Kiper slipped his pants on, walked to his editors office and slammed down a slightly altered copy of his “Mock Draft 2.0”, titled “Mock Draft 3.0”, and then rushed back to his office because his DVR is on the fritz and he didn’t want to miss the ending of Roses Roses Roses. His editor read the Mock Draft, squealed in delight, then published it on ESPN.com for all the “insiders” to read.
In his latest, Kiper writes that the Browns will have to decide between drafting A.J. Green, the dynamic wide receiver from Georgia, or DaQuan Bowers, the explosive defensive end from Clemson. Green is widely considered the top receiver in this class despite a strong combine from Julio Jones, and the consensus among “experts” is that Bowers is the top defensive end coming out.
Both players would address a huge need for a Browns team that lacks explosive play-making ability in the passing game as well as a decent pass rush to compliment a promising secondary.
Any comments or criticism you have for Kiper can be emailed to LOLIGetPaidToDoNothing [at] Espn.com.
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