Written by Dave Kolonich

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Yes, loyal readers, it is that time of the year once again.  The time when all talk of gap integrity and zone blitzing schemes falls away – leaving some ESPN-addled fratboy to again ponder the most important question to be found in the NFL universe:

Who should I take in the first round of my fantasy draft?

Perhaps you’ve also felt a similar weight lately.  Also, it is more than possible that juggling the fantasy numbers of Drew Brees and Chris Johnson has caused your work to suffer lately, along with your romantic interludes.

If this is the case, help is on the way.  On Tuesday, I will unveil my Fantasy Football Manifesto, which includes answering an Isaac Sowells-sized bag of reader mail.

Or something like that.

Anyway, to begin this year’s Manifesto, I wanted to focus on our Browns’ fantasy hopes for 2010.  And no, I’m not referring to my hopes that the offense actually completes a third-down pass.

But rather, let’s take a look at which of our current Browns could have a fantasy impact in 2010.

Which means it’s time for a list.

1.  Jerome Harrison
2.  (Thinking)
3.  (Thinking Really Hard)
4.  Josh Cribbs?  Do these nerds count special teams stats?
5.  (Giving Up)

And there you have it.  That’s it.  That’s the list.  Harrison and maybe Cribbs.

But then again, Harrison may be splitting carries with another back this season.  Plus, he’s injury-prone….and not exactly signed to a contract.

Perhaps I should revise the list.

2.  Jerome Harrison

That’s probably more accurate.

Or, how about we just change the rules instead?  Maybe something that will level the playing field for our Browns – you know, the actual team?

2010 Fantasy Football Manifesto: Fantasy Rule Changes
Because I despise both a “competition” where players are unfairly elevated due to often meaningless stats and because there is an entire generation of football fans being influenced by nothing other than numbers, I offer the following changes to every fantasy football league in existence:

I.  All existing rules are hereby eliminated.
II.  Under no circumstances is anyone allowed to discuss their fantasy football team.  This includes all forms of communication.
III.  The following are the only stats hereby allowed to be recorded in all fantasy football leagues:

1.  Missed Tackles
Brandon McDonald lobbied hard against this one.  Or, for it.  Whatever.

2.  Third Down Receptions
This was a rule change that was very controversial when first announced in Berea.

3.  Sacks Allowed
I’m going to go out on a limb and suggest that the fewer, the better.

4.  Directional Punting
I just think it’s overlooked.  Screw you if you disagree.  It’s my fantasy, not yours.

5.  Precise Routes Run
This is only for the “polished” fantasy player.  Sorry, Robiskie.

6.  Goalline Stops
For the sake of Jamal Lewis – I should clarify that these are “defensive” goalline stops.

7.  Bench Press Reps
Just in case a Brady Quinn team faces Shaun Smith again.

8.  Near Criminal Indictments
This rule change is actually combined with one that rewards giving out autographs to arresting officers.

9.  Restricted Free Agent Contract Squabbles.
Talk about action!

10. Times Checking Stat Tickers
Math is hard.

IV.  The above rule changes are hereby eliminated.

There you go.  I think I’ve done some important work today.  Check back tomorrow for the mailbag.