Two weeks into the season, I already hate Geno Smith.
Clearly, the guy sucks. All you had to do is watch that AWFUL game between the Jets and the Pats on Thursday to know that.
But the one game that peckerwood IS gonna win this year was against Tampa - which sinks me in the Survivor Pool before it even started.
Damn you Greg Schiano! And you, Mr. Shove Geno When He's Out of Bounds, allowing the Jets the yardage they needed to kick the game winning FG... may your feces be the same size and consistency as a cinder block.
Now that I have that nonsense out of the way, Griffin had only 24 yards rushing last week, making the under a winner on the bonus pick. Consequently, BT and I tied last week with 3-3 records, while the other 2 gentlemen went an imposing 2-4. Clearly, we are just the victims of early season uncertainty, since our pedigrees are impeccable.
This week's options (lines provided by VegasInsiders.com)
Akron at Michigan, Mich by 35.5
Alabama at Texas A&M, Bama by 7
UCLA at Nebraska, Neb by 4
SD at PHI, PHI by 6.5
CLE at BAL, BAL by 6
MIA at IND, Pick 'em
WAS at GB, GB by 6.5
DAL at KC, KC by 1
DEN at NYG, Pick 'em
SF at SEA, SEA by 3
And the bonus pick:
Over/under 99.5 offensive plays by Philly for their Week 2 game.
BAL -6 (CLE): I am too busy this week to provide insight.
IND pick (MIA): Far too busy.
DAL +1 (at KC): No time, no time.
DEN pick (at NYG): Even less time to go into this one.
SF +3 (SEA): I have an unhealthy man-crush on Jim Harbaugh.
BONUS: Over/Under 99.5 plays for Philly - OVER
Texas A&M +7 (Bama): I will take TAM and the seven points. I think their D will show up and the 12th man gives a great home field advantage.
GB -6.5 (WAS): RG3 didn't look right to me on the replays. GB will cover in a big way.
DAL +1 (at KC): Chiefs finally for real? No.
DEN pick (at NYG): Hard to pick against Denver at this point isn't it?
SEA -3 (SF): Great matchup. I love Seattle's home field advantage.
BONUS: Over/Under 99.5 plays for Philly - UNDER. Too many cramps.
SF +3 (SEA): Cross Country ends 12th man magic.
BAL -6 (CLE): Cleveland 0 - 2, sounds expected.
UCLA +4 (NEB): Tragedy helps spark the team especially after your coach tells a reporter off.
NYG pick (DEN): Manning vs Manning - wouldn't this be great if this game was in Feb and in a Blizzard (again, sarcasm).
Bama -7 (at Texas A&M): Nick Satan runs it up to make a point (he's angry).
BONUS: Over/Under 99.5 plays for Philly - UNDER.
Bama -7 (at Texas A&M): It would be great if they could stomp Johnny Douchebag into the turf while they're at it. Saban hasn't slept for months awaiting his revenge.
UCLA +4 (NEB): I don't trust Big 10 teams to do anything right.
GB -6.5 (WAS): RG3 looked better as the game went on last week, but I don't think he'll be 100% this season, and they'd need that if they were going to go into Lambeau and win.
MIA pick (at IND): Other than my usual disgust for the home team, I came away from last week's Browns game with a respect for Miami's front 7. Indy didn't look so impressive against Oakland, and if Wake makes waves again this week, I think the Fins can "ugly" their way to another victory.
DAL +1 (at KC): Easiest pick of the week. I laugh every time I hear some announcer proclaim that KC is "back" because of their impressive win over Jacksonville. That's like saying I'm ready for a shot at the UFC crown because I beat the shit out of a kid in wheelchair.
BONUS: Over/Under 99.5 plays for Philly - UNDER. SD will hold the ball long enough to keep the play count respectable.