How I Learned to Stop Worrying
and Love Jaeger Bombs
***The topic du jour in the
Browns world has been the supposedly imminent firing of one Romeo Crennel.
I too would like to sound off
on this subject. Ready? Here it comes. And, I’d
like to add, I’m very passionate about this viewpoint.
I don’t care.
This team is really depressing
to watch. It appears they have no fire, no guts, as Paul Hilton
Davis would say. I would agree that Romeo probably deserves to
be fired by how poorly the team has played in this, his second year,
and for his seeming lack of control over the team.
Then again, it could all be
part of a building process, and he could conceivably turn it around
next season and make this team into a contender. It’s not likely,
but who knows?
Firing Romeo then means that
we have to find another coach, probably some new coordinators, possibly
implementing a completely new offensive and defensive scheme which does
not fit the abilities of the players that we have been acquiring over
the last couple years (see: defense, 3-4). And of course there’s
the start-up year, where the new staff evaluates the talent on the team
and decides who’s worth keeping and who needs trashed.
So a new coach would mean next
year would be yet another year of “rebuilding”. I’m
sick of fucking “rebuilding”. We’ve been “rebuilding”
since Hurricane Art went through here.
Then again, if Romeo is not
the answer (and it certainly seems he isn’t), waiting to make a change
just sets this team back yet another year.
In the end, to me, it seems
like there is really no great answer (unless we could somehow get Jeff
Fisher, but that just ain’t gonna happen, goddammit). And last
I checked, I have no official position within the Browns organization,
Phil Savage hasn’t been reading my e-mails, and Randy Lerner won’t
return my phone calls. Thus – I have no power over this situation
anyway, so I refuse to get my sphincter in a knot over it.
I’ll just let it play out
and try to look forward to whatever future the Browns brass deems appropriate.
That’s the definition of fan (especially Browns, Cleveland): to keep
coming back year after year even when your team has seemingly beaten
hope to death.
***Nothing scares me so much
as the Browns having their opponent in 3rd and long.
This is supposed to be a good thing, but with the Brownies, I just cringe
and wait for inevitable disaster. It happened against Pittsburgh,
and it happened against Baltimore. The second the Browns gave
up the 3rd and long TD pass, the game was over. I knew
it, you knew it, my dentist knew it, my mother’s canary knew it.
***So it’s 4th
and 14, and you try and throw the 5 yard out? Were you drinking
Iron City Beer last night?
***I’ll never be the kind
of person that can root for their team to lose just so they can get
a better draft pick. High draft picks are very expensive, and
if they don’t pan out (which ours never seem to do), then they set
the franchise back. Plus, I just can’t root against the Browns.
***I can identify with Bears
fans. Their team is 12-2 and looking at home field advantage throughout
the playoffs – and they boo their team mercilessly for letting Tampa
Bay come back from 21 down at home. Good for them. If a
team is fucking up – no matter how good they’ve played previously
or what their records is – they need to be told that it’s not OK.
Now throw a couple bottles
at the underperforming players.
***Chicago is destined for
yet another early round playoff exit. So is Indy.
***As good as I think the Ravens
ain’t, I’m mortally afraid of them making a playoff run. I
don’t think I can stand Purple Fever twice in one decade. That,
and I really can’t abide the visage of Brian Billick. If I were
God, I’d have his head in my urinal. I would just stand in front
of it, chugging large, watered down beers, daring him to speak.
***I moved into a new house
a little over a month ago, and just got around to filing my important
paperwork last night. I came across a folder that I received right
after my final divorce hearing. It is entitled “Welcome to
Child Support”. Knowing the huge-ass chunk of dough that
makes its way from each of my paychecks to my ex’s Macy’s account,
I find the title ironic. It’s like receiving a folder entitled
“Welcome to Chronic Hemorrhoids”.
***I quit smoking 10 days ago.
Despite the fact that I am indeed ready to quit, I must admit there
are aspects of smoking that I will miss. I can’t speak for you,
but I have always found (hoped that) smoking to be cool/mysterious/dark.
You can sit by yourself at a bar, and you just look like a loser.
But if you sit there by yourself – smoking – then you’re
doing something. So you look – what? – deep?
(Laugh if you will – this
got me laid so much in college that I’m thinking about writing a How-To
I had a geeky friend that wrote
comic books. He never smoked in his life (nor had much experience
with drugs, alcohol, women, or reality), yet every one of protagonists
smoked. Every one. Why? It personified what he wished
he could be, if he weren’t a health-freak vegan destined to jerk off
to animated porn and crawl into bed at 8:30 to fall asleep watching
re-runs of Battlestar Gallactica.
***Having DirecTV’s NFL Package,
I get to watch any game I want. There were several games with
playoff implications this Sunday, and to hear the intensity of the fans
and watch the competitiveness of the teams… I want that for my team.
I am distraught that the Browns have become lumped in with the Arizonas
and the Detroits of the league.
***Speaking of the NFL Package,
I’d also like to mention that I really hate it when the Browns play
in prime time, because then there’s no other game to flip to when
I’m so frustrated with watching the Browns, I could rip my lips off.
***I don’t follow baseball
at all, so I’m wondering what the hey is up with lat week’s ESPN
24 hour a day coverage of this Daihatsu Mazdasuzuki that signed with
the Red Sox. This dude must be like the Japanese Jesus to be getting
this much pub. Fortunately, he is a pitcher, because if we learned
anything from Major League, it’s that Jesus can’t hit a curveball.
But, then again, since I got
DirecTV, I have the NFL Network, so ESPN and baseball have basically
ceased to exist.
Even basketball, which is a
sport I actually like, doesn’t exist until after the
NFL season is over.
***I could’ve picked LaDainian
Tomlinson with the first overall pick in my fantasy league draft.
Instead, I picked Shaun Alexander.
Yes, the 41st ranked
Which brings me to my first
ever weekly segments…
Haiku About Someone I Hate
You Make Reuben Droughns Look
Drink A Strychnine Shake.
Browns Player Whose Intestines
I’d Most Like To Feed To Rabid Hyenas This Week:
Dennis Northcutt. You
get this trophy mainly because of last week. But since you won’t
see much of the field from here on out, figured I’d throw you under
the bus while I still can.
The Fugly Five:
28: Tampa Bay – gets moved
up just for courageous effort in Chicago
29: Cleveland – prove me
wrong and win next week, at home, versus Tampa.
30: Detroit – they suck,
but have played tough the last couple weeks.
31: Houston – circling the
32: Oakland – worst offense
of all time.
Countdown to the merciful
end of the season: