The NFL season fast approaches, and I haven't felt this much excitement for Training Camp since 1980.
At the beginning of the 1980 season, I was a 7 year old, and I had only a vague idea that the NFL even existed. Unfortunately, that was soon to end, as the Kardiac Kids went on their storied run and I was immediately and permanently addicted. I was also immediately and permanently indoctrinated into the repercussions of this addiction, as Red Right 88 taught me a formulative lesson on the pain that accompanies even the best Cleveland Browns seasons. Had I been able to kick the habit then, I would've saved myself countless hours - nay, years - with that soulless needle in my arm.
Late last season, I retired from writing my weekly Browns review, The Browns Outsider, citing a tragically broken GiveAShit. I assumed - even hoped - that the time off would heal the thing, but somehow it didn't even come close. I mean if the only things in life I care about are my family and house/yard projects, then I am destined to become a very dull fellow indeed. But I can't feign interest that doesn't exist. It's reality at this point - the last time I GaveAShit less has to have been 1980.
Will Sharknado Mingo be in camp on time? Meh. Will Brandon Weeden make a leap in season two? Shrug. Who will win the Training Camp battle at, say, TE? Jordan Cameron, I guess. Or Cameron Jordan. Or some scrub that will do a less-than-adequate job, you know, the way the Browns usually fill their needs.
My attitude has become so bad that the idea of writing a Training Camp Preview article is completely abhorrent to me, like asking me "Chris, would you like to watch a video of your mother being eaten by sea lions?"
(No, I would not.)
Logically, my interest in the NFL as a whole should plummet proportionally, but the gents in the league office have done a top notch job keeping people addicted to the overall product even if they've gone cold turkey on their team of choice. There are still football pools, bets against the spread, fantasy football, video games, social media discussions. I still spend/waste as much time of Browns-related message boards as I ever have, even if my motivations are different (mocking fools vs. attempting genuine discussion).
Thus, I present to you the initial 2013 NFL Power Rankings. Which are as meaningful to your life as the Pope's sperm is to a bald eagle in the Yukon.
These rankings are not based on the HERO system (that's my system's name, if you are new to it being mentioned, sorry I don't feel like rehashing the backstory), although I did limit myself to placing each team no more than +/- 3 spots from their year-end 2012 HERO rankings. So there could be a team that you will look at and say "Hey there now! That team should really be a... a... a whole lot higher!" (I imagine this being said in a Jimmy Stewart voice for some reason), and my response will likely be "I too think they should be higher, but I can't move them any higher than they are, I have to follow the artificial restraints of the sham system that I made up", or, possibly (more accurately) "A preseason rankings list isn't worth my time to actually bother THINKING about."