Getting The Thumb Out They Ass

[swerb]

If you haven't had a chance to read this front page piece, you must.

Classic, classic stuff from the sure to be controversial "Mansfield Lucas".

[Lebowski]

I second that.

Great stuff.

[pup]

The best part was me staring at my screen wondering why this guy lives in Pissburgh for the first couple of paragraphs. Damn I'm an idiot sometimes. Shouldn't drink so much on Wednesdays.

[swerb]

Four classic excerpts here ...

First time I read this when he sent it, I found myself crying at the end. I'm still not sure if it was due to laughter, or if they were tears of pain as the last 15 years flashed before my eyes.

"All is now revealed. Ben’s a big freak only trailer park groupies could swoon over. Every day he wakes up and does that wiggly prissy TD pass dance of his, he needs to thank Ashton Kutcher for making John Deer chic happen. Now he is idolized by swarms of skanks, some with teeth, some without, and Shady is a prophet."

"The 1980’s were my ragin’ years, and there was nothing like Muni Lot, old skool CMS, and winning big over the Appalachians. Bernie, Bernie. Conan The Baabarian. Urinals overflowing. The salad days. A whole City and region in pussy whipped, stupid-pet-name-giving, mindless love with its NFL team. I got used to The Natural Order of Things."

"1999 – Browns: The Next Generation are born!! Whoo hoo!! We get over on The NFL Man and get an expansion team instead of the Tampa Bay Buccaneers moving here! Tim Couch will be our Joe Montana in San Francisco east! Quarterback Guru! Corey Fuller says playoffs in year one! Drew Carey’s here! 43 – 0, Pittsburgh, national TV. Fuck."

"2002 – Browns to the playoffs! Oh my Gawd Butch Davis is a genius and a great leader of men! We’re blowing out Pittsburgh at home! Kelly Holcomb is Brian Sipe! Fuck. Al Lerner dies. Tampa Bay wins the Super Bowl."

[consigliere]

Awesome article. I've forwarded it to about 100 people. Great, great stuff.

[Lebowski]

bump

Mandatory reading today.

The Browns are irrelevent and the Steelers are world champs. Ohio newborns are being cast in black and yellow #7 jerseys at birth. My gag reflex got a workout this week hearing BROWNS FANS call in to Triv and Rodent saying they are rooting for Pitts.

We are a dying breed.

[Steve Buffum]

We are a dying breed.

Well, let me ask the obnoxious question: what has this franchise done to deserve our loyalty, our money, our passion? Because it's there? What kind of craptastic nonsense is that?

I'm livid, and it ain't at Pittsburgh.

[Lebowski]

Well, let me ask the obnoxious question: what has this franchise done to deserve our loyalty, our money, our passion?

Nothing.

I aint mad at da burgh either. Simply commenting on the sad state of affairs. It's been bad...really bad, but yesterday was our nadir.

The organization has made us the laughingstock of sports, and northern Ohians are either jumping ship or identifying with the winner from their adolescent years. Years without a team and years of god-awful on the field performances is making Browns Nation (snicker) dwindle in population.

Pitt fans have Ben, Bus, Hines, Porter, Polamalu...

Browns fans have Charlie Frye, Rueben Droughns, Andre Davis, and Leigh Bodden...

More evidence of Browns fans as national laughingstock:

http://www.cracked.com/modules.php?op=modload&name=News&file=article&sid=124

[pup]

PUKE! That is all I can say. I will bever be able to identify with anyone who has ever worn a piece of Browns clothing, cheered for them during the Bernie run, or acted like their heart was ripped out when the team was stolen from Cleveland, that was even ok with the Squeelers winning the Super Bowl. I wish there was a way to identify every single one of them, and when the Browns ship turns around, blackball them from enjoying even a single moment.

Yes. We are supposed to love them, support them and have their backs in every situation. That is why we are Browns fans. Just because they are here. Just because each of these disasters will somehow culminate in the greatest celebration ever known to man. A Browns Super Bowl win. And if you are sitting somewhere today, and have any sort of positive feeling because Pissburgh is the Super Bowl winner, don't come back. There will be no seat for you at the table.

[consigliere]

I'll agree with Buff on that. Sad thing is, when I see Pittsburgh, what hurts more is I envy them. That franchise is everything our Browns should be.

[Steve Buffum]

And if you are sitting somewhere today, and have any sort of positive feeling because Pissburgh is the Super Bowl winner, don't come back. There will be no seat for you at the table.

Man, I don't have a positive feeling for Pittsburgh. I hate Pittsburgh. I did not watch the Super Bowl in case what did happened happened. I'm glad I didn't. I feel ill today.

But I am saying this: it's not Pittsburgh's fault that I'm filled with rage at the Browns. It exacerbates things, but the fault lies primarily with the Browns organization itself.

[pup]

Sorry, wasn't accusing anyone of being a Pittsburgh fan. I just can't get the taste of someone pissing in my Wheaties this AM out of my mouth. Went back and read my post. Maybe I have some underlying anger issues I need to work out!!!!!

[Steve Buffum]

Sorry, wasn't accusing anyone of being a Pittsburgh fan.

Understood, and I didn't read it that way, but I wanted to make sure. I mean, I agree with your original statement after all: I can't fathom how any Cleveland fan would not be sick today.

[swerb]

Waking up on Monday mornings sucks.

Waking up on Monday mornings to a foot of snow, a wind chill of 2 degrees, and no gas in your car REALLY sucks.

Waking up on Monday mornings to a foot of snow, a wind chill of 2 degrees, and no gas in your car on the heels of a Steeler Super Bowl victory the night before had me wanting to drive into oncoming traffic this morning.

I've had an ill feeling all day.

[Steve Buffum]

Waking up on Monday mornings to a foot of snow, a wind chill of 2 degrees...

Okay, well, this is not a familiar problem.

[pup]

This just in...The Pro Bowl does not count for anything. Therfore the season is over. That is why I can say, without reservation, our Browns are tied for first again!