Out of Bounds: New TCF Column

[e0y2e3]

I could not have less in common with any human being on earth than you FUDU.

But, keep on pipin.

[FUDU]

No shit t0a2r3d, I already said...

I

AM

NICE

[e0y2e3]

And dumb

And White Trash

And a closet racist

[Cerebral_DownTime]

Ok...... you each have to say 1 nice thing about the other.

GO!

[e0y2e3]

Can't. Dude owns a hot rod.

Christ.

[FUDU]

I also own you.

[Cerebral_DownTime]

This is the opposite of nice things. Now shake internet hands and be bestest friends .

[motherscratcher]

This is the opposite of nice things. Now shake internet hands and be bestest friends .

We need to start a bowling team or something.

[Cerebral_DownTime]

I'm the worst bowler in the history of the world.

[FUDU]

OK, t0a2r3d is often intelligent, as a pair of my socks.

I'm not much of a bowler either.

Hence bowling sucks.

[motherscratcher]

I'm the worst bowler in the history of the world.

That's OK. The whole point is to get FUDU and eoy together sharing a few beers and a few laughs as they find some common ground on this crazy merry-go-round we like to call "life".

[peeker643]

I'm the worst bowler in the history of the world.

That's OK. The whole point is to get FUDU and eoy together sharing a few beers and a few laughs as they find some common ground on this crazy merry-go-round we like to call "life".

And that's when we cut the rope and the boulder drops and kills them?

Or is that afterward?

When do we kill them again?

[e0y2e3]

When mother awkwardly tries to hug me?

[Cerebral_DownTime]

And that's when we cut the rope and the boulder drops and kills them?

Or is that afterward?

When do we kill them again?

A bit Wile E Coyote, no?

[e0y2e3]

Peeker is old, what do you expect?

[peeker643]

And that's when we cut the rope and the boulder drops and kills them?

Or is that afterward?

When do we kill them again?

A bit Wile E Coyote, no?

What better way to kill a couple of cartoon characters like e0y2e3 and FUDU?

[pod2dawg]

Lars,

Did Anthony Dinozzo of NCIS really play for Ohio State?

thanks!
pod

[jb]

Lars,

Did Anthony Dinozzo of NCIS really play for Ohio State?

thanks!
pod

No. That would be Keanu Reeves.

[FUDU]

BTW peeker, being older and balder than me is no way to go through life.

...and to kill me you'd need to start with a pair of rocket powered roller skates.

[pod2dawg]

Lars,

My uncle used to make marijuana brownies while living in Mexico, he says leaving in a few seeds for the crunch was a nice touch and added to the experience.

If you lived in Mexico , liked brownies, and considered MaryJane a naturally occurring herb with relaxing/entertainment value with less side effects than alcohol, would you consider seeds in the batter?

Thanks!

pod

[LarsHancock]

Lars,

Did Anthony Dinozzo of NCIS really play for Ohio State?

thanks!
pod

Allegedly, but I think he's a liar.

He was supposed to be in the Class of '89, and was on the basketball team that lost in the final 4 to UCLA. The 89 Final Four was Duke, Seton Hall, Michigan, and Illinois. 88 was Duke, Kansas, Oklahoma, and Arizona. 87 was Syracuse, Providence, UNLV, and Indiana, and 86 was Duke, Kansas, LSU, and Louisville. No OSU or UCLA in any of that.

The mid 80s was right in the middle of a 40 year drought of final four appearances, in fact, stretching from 1968 to 2007 (since 1999 was vacated). The only time that team even made the tournament during those 4 years was in 1987, when as a 9 seed they won a single game.

At 6' 2" he could have been a point guard, and likely wants people to mistake him for Jay Burson to perpetuate his lie, as he is kind of the same size as Burson and kind of looks like him. Burson went to OSU those years and had a nice career before breaking his neck (and finishing the game, mind you) against Iowa late in the season. It is likely this injury that also led Dinozzo to lie and say he played football too, before being injured against Michigan, being he wanted people to think he was Burson (note, only Cris Carter and Rickey Dudley have played on both the OSU basketball and football teams recently, since Tressel wouldn't let Pryor do it).

Guy probably plants evidence too. I'd totally bring this up in court if he ever was prosecuting me.

[Cerebral_DownTime]

Lars,

My uncle used to make marijuana brownies while living in Mexico, he says leaving in a few seeds for the crunch was a nice touch and added to the experience.

If you lived in Mexico , liked brownies, and considered MaryJane a naturally occurring herb with relaxing/entertainment value with less side effects than alcohol, would you consider seeds in the batter?

Thanks!

pod

Some people toast the seeds and put them in pancake/waffle batter. I guess they have a sweet taste.

The stuff people don't know.

Like how you can trip your balls off with Morning Glory seeds.

[Cerebral_DownTime]

A brown bear bites much harder than a tiger or lion........... 1,200 PSI.

[mattvan1]

Lars,

How can someone who writes as solid as you and is seemingly well read and knowledgeable regarding a wide variety of topics be a complete and utter moron when predicting the number of games the Browns will win in 2012?

At one time I considered you the CF version of the true renaissance man. Now I think you are just another fucking loser like the rest of us.

Why Lars? Why?

[FUDU]

Lars I disagree with your outcome.

IMO the Gorilla would win over the bear due to it's a agility, and superior strength, yes superior strength. Gorillas upper bodies are ridiculous and in general they are considered anywhere from 8-20 times stronger than us male humans. While bears have the bite, and the claws in their favor they are not as strong (considered 3-5 times stronger than you and I. Esp. considering lb to lb) and not as adept at problem solving.

http://www.montana.edu/cpa/news/nwview.php?article=3827
http://www.seaworld.org/animal-info/info-books/gorilla/physical-characteristics.htm
http://en.allexperts.com/q/Wild-Animals-705/Gorilla-strength.htm

Gorilla wins that battle 4 our of 5 times IMO.

I would never say this to a bear mind you.

[LarsHancock]

Lars I disagree with your outcome.

IMO the Gorilla would win over the bear due to it's a agility, and superior strength, yes superior strength. Gorillas upper bodies are ridiculous and in general they are considered anywhere from 8-20 times stronger than us male humans. While bears have the bite, and the claws in their favor they are not as strong (considered 3-5 times stronger than you and I. Esp. considering lb to lb) and not as adept at problem solving.

http://www.montana.edu/cpa/news/nwview.php?article=3827
http://www.seaworld.org/animal-info/info-books/gorilla/physical-characteristics.htm
http://en.allexperts.com/q/Wild-Animals-705/Gorilla-strength.htm

Gorilla wins that battle 4 our of 5 times IMO.

I would never say this to a bear mind you.

The gorilla came out victorious, but he lost because he was disqualified. None of your fancy math will ever disprove that gorillas are filthy cheaters.

[Nicastro13]

Who still buys weed with seeds in? Havent seen a seed since the 90's!

[googleeph2]

Lars, really appreciated the tips on CDs-old-classic-rock-guys-need-to-hear a couple weeks ago.
Really liking White Stripes, a lot. I was familiar with the first Wolfmother CD. Gaslight Anthem's Wallflowers-y vibe is good. So much I have not gotten to yet, but I have it all in my .mp3 library now. I feel like a kid at Christmas. Or like Rip Van Winkle.

I'll reply more fully in the right board when I've listened more. Just wanted to say thanks.

Also- Them Crooked Vultures, and the Neil Young CD Fork in the Road belong in the same conversation.
Really appreciate it.

[pod2dawg]

Who still buys weed with seeds in? Havent seen a seed since the 90's!

In Youngstown, we're circa 1975.

[RickNashEquilibrium]

Lars, really appreciated the tips on CDs-old-classic-rock-guys-need-to-hear a couple weeks ago.
Really liking White Stripes, a lot. I was familiar with the first Wolfmother CD. Gaslight Anthem's Wallflowers-y vibe is good. So much I have not gotten to yet, but I have it all in my .mp3 library now. I feel like a kid at Christmas. Or like Rip Van Winkle.

I'll reply more fully in the right board when I've listened more. Just wanted to say thanks.

Also- Them Crooked Vultures, and the Neil Young CD Fork in the Road belong in the same conversation.
Really appreciate it.

Want some other good stuff? Go listen to Trampled by Turtles, especially their newer CD Palomino. Good blugrass/rock/stuff.

[googleeph2]

Many thanks RNE.

[Fire Marshall Bill 2.0]

Can't. Dude owns a hot rod.

Christ.

Says the guy who lives at a corner bus stop....

I hear ya tho.....there is nothing uglier than a Dodge Dart

[pod2dawg]

Can't. Dude owns a hot rod.

Christ.

Says the guy who lives at a corner bus stop....

I hear ya tho.....there is nothing uglier than a Dodge Dart

Gremlin....?

[justmebd]

Hi Lars!!

You wake up tomorrow to find you now own the Indians. How long do you take to have the front office dream team of Shapiro and Antonetti drawn and quartered? Five second? 10? Or do you draw it out and make them wait a whole 30 seconds before having security "escort" them out of the building via a nice full-body toss through the front window where they then are arrested for disorderly conduct, disturbing the peace, littering, and just being goddamn stupid.

[Hikohadon]

Where would you rather live, 18th century West Virginia or 14th century England?

[LarsHancock]

A little thin on questions this week. Anyone got anything on their minds?

[CAVSTRIBEBROWNSin07!]

My friend sends me an email with the subject line "Don't shoot the messenger". The email contains a link to a porno in which the girl bears a striking resemblance to my wife. While I know for a fact its not her, this buddy of mine is convinced beyond a shadow of belief that it is.

My question is twofold:
1. Being that my friend thinks its my wife in the video, should I keep him away from her as much as possible? After all, the entire time he'd be talking to her he'd be envisioning her performing illicit sexual acts.
2. Is it wrong that I can't bring myself to stop watching this video?

[pod2dawg]

Lars,

My cousin-in-law works in a real crime lab as a "forensic expert" , why does he have such disdain for shows as NCIS & CSI ? I thought it was common knowledge most crimes can be solved in an hour.

thanks!
pod

[FUDU]

Lars, if you could choose to become formidable in any of the most general forms of self defense (boxing, wrestling and martial arts) which would you choose if you could only choose one?

[Hikohadon]

Give me your top 5 football announcers/color men. Have to announce games, not studio douches.

[jb]

Fall is coming up and kick offs are nigh. It's almost chilli con carne time. Advice?

Ps - Can you please not go all fru fru on me & gimme a damn recipe that is accessible and doesnt require some chilli's you can only get on the street from a vendor named Paco del Gato in Bogata or some Antny Bourdain shit?

[gotribe31]

I think the many fans of Lars will find this funny: https://baseballprospectus.com/article. ... leid=18118

One of my favorite prospect writers taking a very Lars-esque turn to an advice column. Might even be able to sue him for copywright infringement.

[Hikohadon]

"I’ve got a plan to save over 30,000 lives a year. Guaranteed. 30,000 people that would otherwise die in 2013 will be saved under my plan, and it is foolproof. Is there any reason not to implement it?"
_____________________________________

Yes, the world's already overcrowded enough.

Just perusing google, in the US alone, right now it appears that about 4.3 million people are being born to only 2.7 million dying. That's a 1.6 million person surplus per year that will only keep growing.

30,000 is only a drop in the bucket if we were trying to maintain input/output integrity. We need to figure out ways to have MORE people die, not less.

[LarsHancock]

"I’ve got a plan to save over 30,000 lives a year. Guaranteed. 30,000 people that would otherwise die in 2013 will be saved under my plan, and it is foolproof. Is there any reason not to implement it?"
_____________________________________

Yes, the world's already overcrowded enough.

Just perusing google, in the US alone, right now it appears that about 4.3 million people are being born to only 2.7 million dying. That's a 1.6 million person surplus per year that will only keep growing.

30,000 is only a drop in the bucket if we were trying to maintain input/output integrity. We need to figure out ways to have MORE people die, not less.

Now there's a whole nother can of worms there

Certainly the generational cycle has got out of balance. When people only lived to 40, one new generation would replace the old one, and but two generations existed concurrently. Now we can have up to five, and the top two to three require extensive resources to care for, and they produce little. You can be retired for 40 years if you play your cards right.

Eventually that will balance itself out, assuming we don't extend the life expectancy any further, but that will require a population in the US of over a billion people. How much can the world handle? And with an ever-increasing number of the current people nursing off the government's teats, how much can our economic system handle?

Maybe the architects of the Georgia Guidestones (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Georgia_Guidestones) have a plan that is better than anything our government got up it's sleeve. Of course, the holocaust of 6.5 billion people may be a bit of a moral issue for some...


oh, and I got your announcer question next week.

[Hikohadon]

"I’ve got a plan to save over 30,000 lives a year. Guaranteed. 30,000 people that would otherwise die in 2013 will be saved under my plan, and it is foolproof. Is there any reason not to implement it?"
_____________________________________

Yes, the world's already overcrowded enough.

Just perusing google, in the US alone, right now it appears that about 4.3 million people are being born to only 2.7 million dying. That's a 1.6 million person surplus per year that will only keep growing.

30,000 is only a drop in the bucket if we were trying to maintain input/output integrity. We need to figure out ways to have MORE people die, not less.

Now there's a whole nother can of worms there

Certainly the generational cycle has got out of balance. When people only lived to 40, one new generation would replace the old one, and but two generations existed concurrently. Now we can have up to five, and the top two to three require extensive resources to care for, and they produce little. You can be retired for 40 years if you play your cards right.

Eventually that will balance itself out, assuming we don't extend the life expectancy any further, but that will require a population in the US of over a billion people. How much can the world handle? And with an ever-increasing number of the current people nursing off the government's teats, how much can our economic system handle?

Maybe the architects of the Georgia Guidestones (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Georgia_Guidestones) have a plan that is better than anything our government got up it's sleeve. Of course, the holocaust of 6.5 billion people may be a bit of a moral issue for some...


oh, and I got your announcer question next week.

You might want to include 5 suggestions for people to dispose of themselves, thus depopulating the planet and ceasing to strain the social and financial systems. Perhaps a bonus system for volunteered suicide - your family gets the money and we can finally answer the question "What is a life worth?"

Nature will most likely provide the real solution (which I am convinced will happen at some point) in the form of a pandemic. So many people living in such close concert is just a smorgasbord for a nice plague. Ashes, ashes, we all fall down.

Otherwise, the enterprising entrepreneur should start buying up land on the moon for space condos.

[FUDU]

Lars I can dig your choice of martial arts, but I would disagree in that 90% of all fights end up on the ground, so wrestling would be more practical and effective IMO, but I'm biased.

[LarsHancock]

"I’ve got a plan to save over 30,000 lives a year. Guaranteed. 30,000 people that would otherwise die in 2013 will be saved under my plan, and it is foolproof. Is there any reason not to implement it?"
_____________________________________

Yes, the world's already overcrowded enough.

Just perusing google, in the US alone, right now it appears that about 4.3 million people are being born to only 2.7 million dying. That's a 1.6 million person surplus per year that will only keep growing.

30,000 is only a drop in the bucket if we were trying to maintain input/output integrity. We need to figure out ways to have MORE people die, not less.

Now there's a whole nother can of worms there

Certainly the generational cycle has got out of balance. When people only lived to 40, one new generation would replace the old one, and but two generations existed concurrently. Now we can have up to five, and the top two to three require extensive resources to care for, and they produce little. You can be retired for 40 years if you play your cards right.

Eventually that will balance itself out, assuming we don't extend the life expectancy any further, but that will require a population in the US of over a billion people. How much can the world handle? And with an ever-increasing number of the current people nursing off the government's teats, how much can our economic system handle?

Maybe the architects of the Georgia Guidestones (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Georgia_Guidestones) have a plan that is better than anything our government got up it's sleeve. Of course, the holocaust of 6.5 billion people may be a bit of a moral issue for some...


oh, and I got your announcer question next week.

You might want to include 5 suggestions for people to dispose of themselves, thus depopulating the planet and ceasing to strain the social and financial systems. Perhaps a bonus system for volunteered suicide - your family gets the money and we can finally answer the question "What is a life worth?"

Nature will most likely provide the real solution (which I am convinced will happen at some point) in the form of a pandemic. So many people living in such close concert is just a smorgasbord for a nice plague. Ashes, ashes, we all fall down.

Otherwise, the enterprising entrepreneur should start buying up land on the moon for space condos.

All in all, it's just another brick in the wall

[LarsHancock]

Lars I can dig your choice of martial arts, but I would disagree in that 90% of all fights end up on the ground, so wrestling would be more practical and effective IMO, but I'm biased.

How does Brazillian jujitsu not involve being on the ground and dominating your opponent in said confrontation? And just because 90% of the idiots go one method, does it not prescribe that you could then beat 90% of them every time if you had a superior method?

[jb]

http://www.incredible-adventures.com/russian_ops1.html

This is where it's at. I've been training on this night and day between chain smoking.

[CAVSTRIBEBROWNSin07!]

I fired 2 people in the last 2 months, both of whom were overweight. Their weight had nothing to do with their firings. Now I need to fire this obese girl who's a severe detriment to the office atmosphere, but I'm concerned that she'll sue me for wrongful termination on the grounds that I hate fat people (did I mention she's enormous?). That may very well be true, but has zero relevance to why I need to let her go. How do I pull this off without suffering any legal consequences?