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The Beaver

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The Beaver

Unread postby Hikohadon » Thu May 31, 2012 5:04 pm

This would be referring to the movie starring Mel Gibson and Jodie Foster where dude gets depression and deals with everyone by talking through a beaver puppet that he carries with him everywhere, not (insert joke here).

I doubt many of you will feel compelled to watch this film, but in case you might be, I'm here to save you time and tell you to avoid it at all costs.

It's trite and stupid and pathetic, like a bad version of American Beauty with a puppet of a character from Narnia. The storyline is so absurd and useless that you long for death. It's turn-off-halfway-through bad.

Consider yourself warned.
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Re: The Beaver

Unread postby hebner20 » Thu May 31, 2012 8:13 pm

I thought i was going to read that Jerry Mathers died.
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Re: The Beaver

Unread postby Erie Warrior » Thu May 31, 2012 8:32 pm

I was looking for vag.
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Re: The Beaver

Unread postby CAVSTRIBEBROWNSin07! » Thu May 31, 2012 9:02 pm

I coulda told you that from the preview Hiko, sorry you had to be subjected to that.
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Re: The Beaver

Unread postby Love child of shawn kemp » Fri Jun 01, 2012 8:27 am

Did you have high hopes for a great flick as you settled into your seat? WTF were you even doing in that theater? You have to admit that seeing an anti-semitic talking beaver hand puppet was worth something.
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Re: The Beaver

Unread postby Hikohadon » Fri Jun 01, 2012 11:16 am

Love child of shawn kemp wrote:Did you have high hopes for a great flick as you settled into your seat? WTF were you even doing in that theater? You have to admit that seeing an anti-semitic talking beaver hand puppet was worth something.


It was a rental and a guy whose opinion I no longer trust told me it was good. Also, it had Jennifer Lawrence in it, who is usually solid (but useless in this movie). Sometimes you hit with these smaller quirky movies, and sometimes you get this.
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Re: The Beaver

Unread postby Love child of shawn kemp » Fri Jun 01, 2012 11:21 am

I hear you on the opinions of others. A couple that my wife and I are friends with absolutely love Bridesmaids. They think it is the funniest movie ever. So my wife and I watched it and both of us hated it. Dark, awkward and depressing and not particularly funny to me.
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Re: The Beaver

Unread postby peeker643 » Fri Jun 01, 2012 12:43 pm

I'm on my CDT tour lately. Trying seek conformation he's not completely useless. And while I'm not there yet, his recommendations of "Flame & Citron" and "Downfall" were awesome.

His "50 Dead Men Walking" rec was good last year too.

Still, I would have found those myself so all chances are that he's useless.
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Re: The Beaver

Unread postby Larvell Blanks » Fri Jun 01, 2012 4:12 pm

I heard the Beaver was nice, it was just stuffed....

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Re: The Beaver

Unread postby FUDU » Fri Jun 01, 2012 5:41 pm

Leg 'er down a smack 'em yak 'em!
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Re: The Beaver

Unread postby LakeErieWarriors » Sun Jun 03, 2012 4:32 pm

I don't know if it has been discussed in any of the boards but I have to recommend Drive to anyone that hasn't seen it. My personal favorite movie since/best movie since, The Departed. Great story. Great acting. Great direction. Watched it on Netflix (twice), going to buy it on Blu-Ray ASAP.
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Re: The Beaver

Unread postby peeker643 » Sun Jun 03, 2012 6:19 pm

LakeErieWarriors wrote:I don't know if it has been discussed in any of the boards but I have to recommend Drive to anyone that hasn't seen it. My personal favorite movie since/best movie since, The Departed. Great story. Great acting. Great direction. Watched it on Netflix (twice), going to buy it on Blu-Ray ASAP.


Really enjoyed it too and I was caught off guard because I hadn't seen much about it and Ryan Gosling flicks aren't my thing.
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Re: The Beaver

Unread postby Adverb Harry » Mon Jun 04, 2012 7:21 am

Love child of shawn kemp wrote:I hear you on the opinions of others. A couple that my wife and I are friends with absolutely love Bridesmaids. They think it is the funniest movie ever. So my wife and I watched it and both of us hated it. Dark, awkward and depressing and not particularly funny to me.


I'm with you, man. We kept hearing how "hilarious" it was, so the wife and I finally broke down and rented it. Save for a couple chuckles out of me during the scene they were on the plane, I hated it and the people who recommended it. More of a drama than a comedy...totally mislabeled film.
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Re: The Beaver

Unread postby Cerebral_DownTime » Mon Jun 04, 2012 7:54 am

peeker643 wrote:I'm on my CDT tour lately. Trying seek conformation he's not completely useless. And while I'm not there yet, his recommendations of "Flame & Citron" and "Downfall" were awesome.

His "50 Dead Men Walking" rec was good last year too.

Still, I would have found those myself so all chances are that he's useless.


Go fuck yourself.

I'll come to your house and make disparaging remarks about your choice of flooring.

People who like the Coen Brothers' darker movies need to watch the Danish flick Terribly Happy. They've bought the rights to make an English version.

Oldboy fans, I Saw The Devil is for you. It's better IMO.

Nicolas Winding Refn, the guy who directed Drive has some other excellent movies. The Pusher Trilogy is fantastic. Valhalla Rising is awesome and interesting, maybe too artsy for some. And Bronson is pretty cool too. He's working with Gosling again in the upcoming Only God Forgives.
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Re: The Beaver

Unread postby Hikohadon » Mon Jun 04, 2012 9:48 am

I didn't know Refn did Drive. I'll have to watch that immediately.
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Re: The Beaver

Unread postby jb » Mon Jun 04, 2012 12:40 pm

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Re: The Beaver

Unread postby mitch » Mon Jun 04, 2012 12:56 pm

Hikohadon wrote:
It was a rental and a guy whose opinion I no longer trust told me it was good. Also, it had Jennifer Lawrence in it, who is usually solid (but useless in this movie). Sometimes you hit with these smaller quirky movies, and sometimes you get this.


If anyone is wondering...that wasn't me. I could tell from the trailer that this was a steaming pile of beavershit.

I'll give another huge recommendation for Drive...definitely in the Top 5 for 2011 (although 2011 was a totally shitty year for movies).

I'll also give a "stay-away" recommendation to "War Horse". Might be the worst Speilberg movie ever...and I'm not forgetting 1941 and Hook when I say that.
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Re: The Beaver

Unread postby Cerebral_DownTime » Mon Jun 04, 2012 1:33 pm

Behind The Mask: The Rise Of Leslie Vernon Is another movie I totally recommend. A mockumentary horror flick that's pretty damn original and funny.
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Re: The Beaver

Unread postby Hikohadon » Mon Jun 04, 2012 4:22 pm

mitch wrote:I'll also give a "stay-away" recommendation to "War Horse". Might be the worst Speilberg movie ever...and I'm not forgetting 1941 and Hook when I say that.


WOW. That's a harsh critique if I've ever heard one. Especially since Hook is one of the worst movies I've ever seen.

I'll be sure to steer clear of that one now.
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Re: The Beaver

Unread postby Cerebral_DownTime » Tue Jun 05, 2012 10:39 am

Has there ever been a description of a movie that makes it too repulsive sounding for you to watch?
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Re: The Beaver

Unread postby Hikohadon » Tue Jun 05, 2012 3:27 pm

Cerebral_DownTime wrote:Has there ever been a description of a movie that makes it too repulsive sounding for you to watch?


Speaking for me, Valentines Day and New Year's Eve spring to mind.
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Re: The Beaver

Unread postby e0y2e3 » Tue Jun 05, 2012 3:30 pm

The Human Centipede II.

The first one was fine, but any and all descriptions of the second were "nothing but pure gross out ridiculousness that has zero value in terms of horror, film making, or art and in fact views as the film-maker just trying to get the NCAA-17 rating to increase his shock value"

Not to mention that the Brits banned it. I mean the Brist don't ban anything!
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Re: The Beaver

Unread postby Cerebral_DownTime » Tue Jun 05, 2012 3:41 pm

Go to IMDB and look up A Serbian Film, scroll down click on and read the "parents guide (view content advisory)" tab.

Just look at the shit that movie contains. It's insane.
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Re: The Beaver

Unread postby jb » Tue Jun 05, 2012 6:53 pm

Cerebral_DownTime wrote:Go to IMDB and look up A Serbian Film, scroll down click on and read the "parents guide (view content advisory)" tab.

Just look at the shit that movie contains. It's insane.



I did what you asked and it looks better then The Beaver.
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Re: The Beaver

Unread postby jb » Wed Jun 06, 2012 12:59 pm

Cerebral_DownTime wrote:Has there ever been a description of a movie that makes it too repulsive sounding for you to watch?



POTUS 16: Vampire Slayer.
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Re: The Beaver

Unread postby Dnthateonthepronk » Wed Jun 06, 2012 1:38 pm

Im going to watch it with the sound off and just the Mel Gibson audio tapes playing in the background.
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Re: The Beaver

Unread postby motherscratcher » Wed Jun 06, 2012 1:46 pm

So, if I'm understanding this correctly, Mel Gibson made a live action Mr Hand spinoff movie? And it was bad?
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Re: The Beaver

Unread postby Hikohadon » Wed Jun 06, 2012 3:53 pm

motherscratcher wrote:So, if I'm understanding this correctly, Mel Gibson made a live action Mr Hand spinoff movie? And it was bad?


I know. Who would think that a movie with scenes like this could suck?

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Re: The Beaver

Unread postby motherscratcher » Wed Jun 06, 2012 4:11 pm

Fuck...I meant Mr Hat.

Dammit, I ruined a completely hilarious and awesome post.
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Re: The Beaver

Unread postby jb » Wed Jun 06, 2012 4:56 pm

motherscratcher wrote:So, if I'm understanding this correctly, Mel Gibson made a live action Mr Hand spinoff movie?



Whaaaaa ???

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