Cleveland Browns & The NFL

by **RickNashEquilibrium** » Tue Mar 06, 2012 12:56 pm

I'm planning on doing a ridiculous vacation next year. Call it a 30th birthday present for myself. I'm single and have a lust for adventure. If it were you, 3 weeks going everywhere across Europe or 3 weeks in Japan?

by **peeker643** » Tue Mar 06, 2012 1:26 pm

* Are people that dislike The NCAA tournament because the quality of play isn't at NBA-level elitist, smarter than everyone or just miserable human beings? Or are they simply disengenous?

* Some board members (Irish ones at that) denounce the merits of corned beef on St. Patrick's Day. You have any thoughts on that or methods to prepare this wonderful dish? Next week could be too late so let's do this now.

* I'm sick of NFL Draft talk starting in December here and ramping up during the months preceding the draft. Can we really believe ANYTHING we hear in terms of who the Browns are interested in until Draft Day actually arrives?

by **pod2dawg** » Tue Mar 06, 2012 4:16 pm

Lars,
Why is it my girlfriend freely believes in UFO's, ghosts, ancient alien contact, witchcraft, and the possibility of BigFoot, yet finds it impossible to accept I am loyal and am not "spanking" anyone on the side?

gracias!

pod's uncle

by **Hikohadon** » Tue Mar 06, 2012 4:20 pm

Lars,

Give us 3 not-so-ordinary entries from your Bucket List.

by **Gradysmanldy** » Tue Mar 06, 2012 5:31 pm

Lars,

What happened to alternative rock? Soundgarden, Pearl Jam, Nirvana, Rage.....even the Toadies, Porno For Pyros, Macy's Playground type.......why did everything turn into either a) scream-o or b) indie rock? God the 90's was an awesome time for music.

Also, WHY THE F**** IS MY NUTELLA ON MY OFFICE MATE'S DESK?!

by **Gradysmanldy** » Tue Mar 06, 2012 5:55 pm

Gradysmanldy wrote:Lars,

What happened to alternative rock? Soundgarden, Pearl Jam, Nirvana, Rage.....even the Toadies, Porno For Pyros, Macy's Playground type.......why did everything turn into either a) scream-o or b) indie rock? God the 90's was an awesome time for music.

Also, WHY THE F**** IS MY NUTELLA ON MY OFFICE MATE'S DESK?!

Nevermind the last part, I just realized that mine is still safely hidden.

OT, why is Nutella so freaking delicious, and why do Hipsters have to claim something so good as their own?

OTT, Is there anything more detrimental to modern music festivals than hipsters?

by **LarsHancock** » Tue Mar 06, 2012 6:23 pm

Ask and ye shall receive...

Okay, a ton of questions this week now. Question on structure:

More questions and shorter answers -or- keep the few questions/insane rambling rant format?

With the superfluity of questions on the table, I could give the shorter answer format a shot this week. Or I could bank a few for next week and keep everything the same, or just have some fun in this thread if my schedule allows.

Thoughts?

by **e0y2e3** » Tue Mar 06, 2012 7:23 pm

On a scale ranging between terrifying and hilarious where does this quiz fall:

http://bit.ly/zc9QbG

by **gotribe31** » Tue Mar 06, 2012 8:10 pm

Are Cleveland sports fans really that much more negative about their teams that other cities?

What's e0's deal?

by **pup** » Tue Mar 06, 2012 10:49 pm

LarsHancock wrote:Ask and ye shall receive...

Okay, a ton of questions this week now. Question on structure:

More questions and shorter answers -or- keep the few questions/insane rambling rant format?

With the superfluity of questions on the table, I could give the shorter answer format a shot this week. Or I could bank a few for next week and keep everything the same, or just have some fun in this thread if my schedule allows.

Thoughts?

Personally, I get enough of those tools asking inane questions the other 167 hours and 50 minutes of my week.

by **peeker643** » Tue Mar 06, 2012 10:54 pm

LarsHancock wrote:Ask and ye shall receive...

Okay, a ton of questions this week now. Question on structure:

More questions and shorter answers -or- keep the few questions/insane rambling rant format?

With the superfluity of questions on the table, I could give the shorter answer format a shot this week. Or I could bank a few for next week and keep everything the same, or just have some fun in this thread if my schedule allows.

Thoughts?

Well, you can go with "Don't kick a winner" or you can try the short format and see how it fits.

Personally, I'd take the opportunity to see if you like going a different route.

If you don't, you can always go back to what works extremely well already.

by **Fire Marshall Bill** » Tue Mar 06, 2012 11:11 pm

peeker643 wrote:Dear Lars:

Last Friday night Jason Whitlock tweeted the following about Jeremy Lin, the Knicks Asian-American phenom:

Jason Whitlock @WhitlockJason
Some lucky lady in NYC is gonna feel a couple inches of pain tonight.

OK, Im late to the party but that is fucking priceless!

by **Fire Marshall Bill** » Tue Mar 06, 2012 11:13 pm

Dear lars,

What the fuck is Nutella?

by **LarsHancock** » Wed Mar 07, 2012 1:09 pm

e0y2e3 wrote:On a scale ranging between terrifying and hilarious where does this quiz fall:

http://bit.ly/zc9QbG

I'll go with "well crafted politically"

The left does an excellent job of orchestrating smear tactics against the right to make their leaders seem like zealots who are trying to subjugate America into a theocracy and to destroy our basic freedoms, especially those of women. Santorum has provided them some ammunition with his core beliefs to be sure, but come on people, do we really think he's suspending the constitution to turn us into a Christian fundamentalist regime that openly oppresses non-Christians and destroys our basic constitutional rights?

I'm not a fan of mixing theology with politics, which is why I'm a Libertarian. I think socially we need to leave people alone, and keep the government out of all of our affairs. Start with the legalization of pot and work from there.

The right isn't the only side guilty of infringing on our rights (though their platforms are the most noteworthy). Holder's recent articulation of when it is acceptable to kill American citizens is extremely scary from a slippery slope perspective, although I believe it to be good doctrine in a world that unfortunately demands such exemptions.

By the way, the right is not nearly as good as doing these orchestrated smears as the left is, largely because the voice to the common man is largely controlled by the left. Anything the right tries to get to stick is discounted, and those that believe it are branded as crazy (Ayers, Rev. Wright, birthers, etc.).

All of this masturbation over social issues, theocracy, and rights is completely moot if we don't curb our spending as a nation and get the debt and deficit under control. Once the government collapses under it's own weight, and subsequently destroys the economy, we are all fucked. Best case scenario there is a massive depression that makes the one 80 years ago look like the roaring 20s. Worst case scenario is rampant anarchy.

So while I admire the art of the crafter of the quiz to assist with the orchestrated attack on Santorum, and while it is humorous on the surface, I do worry that such crap distracts from the reality of needing to solve the massive economic crisis we face, and diminishes the resources devoted to making a viable plan to fix it.

by **LarsHancock** » Wed Mar 07, 2012 1:16 pm

gotribe31 wrote:Are Cleveland sports fans really that much more negative about their teams that other cities?

What's e0's deal?

I'll hit the first question in my opening diatribe Friday.

As for e0, who knows. He stands by his positions adamantly (such as they are), which is admirable. Maybe the constant weight of losing and the negativity surrounding it crushed his soul to to the point where he no longer has one. Maybe there's not enough fiber in his diet. Or maybe he just enjoys seeing if he can get a rise out of people, and likes forcing people to think, instead of just parroting conventional wisdom.

by **peeker643** » Wed Mar 07, 2012 1:27 pm

LarsHancock wrote:As for e0, who knows. He stands by his positions adamantly (such as they are), which is admirable. Maybe the constant weight of losing and the negativity surrounding it crushed his soul to to the point where he no longer has one. Maybe there's not enough fiber in his diet. Or maybe he just enjoys seeing if he can get a rise out of people, and likes forcing people to think, instead of just parroting conventional wisdom.

I think he's a just a miserable bastard :hide:

by **e0y2e3** » Wed Mar 07, 2012 2:46 pm

Peyton Manning can eat a dick.

by **peeker643** » Wed Mar 07, 2012 3:20 pm

That's not even a question. Although it is another datapoint in regard to my earlier post. :hide:

by **Gradysmanldy** » Wed Mar 07, 2012 5:59 pm

peeker643 wrote:That's not even a question. Although it is another datapoint in regard to my earlier post.

Maybe it is just E0 letting us on to another of Peyton's many skills; acting, football, ability to fit large objects in his mouth.

Wait, is this still in reference to the Jeremy Lin tweet?

by **LarsHancock** » Thu Mar 08, 2012 12:24 am

Gradysmanldy wrote:
peeker643 wrote:That's not even a question. Although it is another datapoint in regard to my earlier post.

Maybe it is just E0 letting us on to another of Peyton's many skills; acting, football, ability to fit large objects in his mouth.

Wait, is this still in reference to the Jeremy Lin tweet?

Jeremy Lin can eat a dick.

Seriously, the guy is a pretty average backup NBA point guard. He definitely belongs in the league, but he's not all that and a bag of chips as the media makes him out to be. Or that he believes he is. Jeremy, stop taking bad shots, and stop turning the ball over. You've got a talented team around you - make them better. But no, he thinks he's the star of that team, taking 20 shots a game no matter how many are falling, and that's laughable.

You got fat off weak competition. Recognize who you are, and who is on your team. Or recognize yourself in a D league uniform.

Typical Harvard douche. But that's another rant.

Lin is Ramon Sessions with a different ethnic heritage and a better team around him, in a bigger market.

by **e0y2e3** » Thu Mar 08, 2012 12:02 pm

War, it is here.

And I don't care how tall you are, I'll still kick your ass.

by jb » Thu Mar 08, 2012 2:17 pm

Lars, if you were to apply for an MMJ card, what would ur "illness" be?

by **LarsHancock** » Fri Mar 09, 2012 11:15 am

If I missed your question, I'll pick them up next week. Love the MMJ question - I could devote a whole column to that one...

Fire Marshall Bill wrote:Dear lars,

What the fuck is Nutella?

Nutella is hazelnuts and chocolate and pornography all rolled into one delicious spread. You can try it on toast for a delicious morning treat, or, better, smear it on a waffle and dice a banana on top of it. Or melt a little of it in with some Hershey's syrup and drizzle that on a waffle covered with whipped cream, or ice cream, or your wife. Put a scoop of it in your morning oatmeal and turn a boring bowl of mush into the Rick James Celebrity Hot Tub Party for your mouth (which actually sounds nasty upon reading, but you get my point). Nutella and banana sandwich for lunch. Nutella and nutella sandwich for lunch. Nutella and two hookers Fire Marshall Bill sandwich for lunch. However you roll.

It's good stuff. But use it in moderation because the hazelnut flavor can get overwhelming.

by **LarsHancock** » Mon Mar 12, 2012 2:10 pm

peeker643 wrote:* Some board members (Irish ones at that) denounce the merits of corned beef on St. Patrick's Day. You have any thoughts on that or methods to prepare this wonderful dish? Next week could be too late so let's do this now.

Since you insist, here's something I've been tinkering with

Corned beef:

Tonight, take a giant pot, fill with water, and add cinnamon, allspice, salt, brown sugar, clove, peppercorns, bay leaves, juniper berries (important!), and mustard seeds. Boil until salt and sugar are dissolved. Add lots of salt and sugar - you're wet curing the meat.

Cool off the brine (ice cubes) and pour it over a brisket in a tupperware container big enough to hold it. Make sure it is completely covered. Soak until Saturday.

On Saturday, take the meat out, rinse it, and cover with Stadium Mustard liberally. In a spice grinder, or mortar and pestle, or a plastic bag that you mash with a hammer, add juiper, mustard seed, corriander seed, black peppercorns, a clove, and an allspice berry. Adjust spice for aroma. Rub that over your brisket.

Smoke it for 6-8 hours at 200 degrees, or roast in the oven at that if you must (with a water filled drip tray under a cookie sheet to preserve moisture). Carve against the grain.

Make a sauce out of Stadium Mustard, vinegar, honey, and anise seeds (or fennel seeds or caraway seeds).

Traditional? No. Delicious? Certainly.

by **pod2dawg** » Tue Mar 13, 2012 9:29 pm

Lars,

Much has been written about the lost opportunity in attempt to acquire RG III secondary to a sealed bid and gentlemen's agreement. As hard as it is for me to believe those types of agreements can/do exist with the group of pirate owners, I will give them the benefit of the doubt. ( character flaw of mine & my uncle)

So, let's use our time machine.....it's you against crazy Dan Snyder in an open bidding war .......first would you be willing give up 3 first rounders to stay in the game?

...or should I say how far would you go to match crazy Dan?

In the real world, would it have been possible to outbid "crazy"...and still have a team, women & children in the village?

I'll hang up now and listen to your response.

thanks,

pod & his uncle

by **motherscratcher** » Wed Mar 14, 2012 12:12 am

I always assumed that it goes without saying that deviled eggs a a wonderfully delicious treat that goes with just about anything and is suitable for nearly all occasions. However, it has recently been brought to my attention that not everyone shares this sentiment. So, my question is, what kind of asshole doesn't like deviled eggs?

by **motherscratcher** » Wed Mar 14, 2012 12:14 am

Also, I assume Podawg meant Dan Snyder, not Dan Gilbert. Dan Snyder is crazy. Dan Gilbert is short.

by **Cerebral_DownTime** » Wed Mar 14, 2012 12:16 am

Lars, why the hell am I watching Escape From L.A. on basic cable?

by **motherscratcher** » Wed Mar 14, 2012 12:23 am

Cerebral_DownTime wrote:Lars, why the hell am I watching Escape From L.A. on basic cable?

That's not the question. The question is why am I NOT watching Escape From LA on basic cable?

Edit: rectified

by **Ziner** » Wed Mar 14, 2012 12:26 am

motherscratcher wrote:I always assumed that it goes without saying that deviled eggs a a wonderfully delicious treat that goes with just about anything and is suitable for nearly all occasions. However, it has recently been brought to my attention that not everyone shares this sentiment. So, my question is, what kind of asshole doesn't like deviled eggs?

I could eat a hundred deviled eggs. So delish

by **Hikohadon** » Wed Mar 14, 2012 12:27 am

Sweet Home Alabama or Southern Man?

by **motherscratcher** » Wed Mar 14, 2012 12:50 am

Hikohadon wrote:Sweet Home Alabama or Southern Man?

I just spent about a minute trying to figure out what the fuck this means...until I realized it means exactly what you wrote. Huh.

by **pod2dawg** » Wed Mar 14, 2012 9:38 am

motherscratcher wrote:Also, I assume Podawg meant Dan Snyder, not Dan Gilbert. Dan Snyder is crazy. Dan Gilbert is short.

Geesh! Thanks Mother......I owe you one. Go Bucks!

by **FUDU** » Wed Mar 14, 2012 2:01 pm

LarsHancock wrote:
peeker643 wrote:* Some board members (Irish ones at that) denounce the merits of corned beef on St. Patrick's Day. You have any thoughts on that or methods to prepare this wonderful dish? Next week could be too late so let's do this now.

Since you insist, here's something I've been tinkering with

Corned beef:

Tonight, take a giant pot, fill with water, and add cinnamon, allspice, salt, brown sugar, clove, peppercorns, bay leaves, juniper berries (important!), and mustard seeds. Boil until salt and sugar are dissolved. Add lots of salt and sugar - you're wet curing the meat.

Cool off the brine (ice cubes) and pour it over a brisket in a tupperware container big enough to hold it. Make sure it is completely covered. Soak until Saturday.

On Saturday, take the meat out, rinse it, and cover with Stadium Mustard liberally. In a spice grinder, or mortar and pestle, or a plastic bag that you mash with a hammer, add juiper, mustard seed, corriander seed, black peppercorns, a clove, and an allspice berry. Adjust spice for aroma. Rub that over your brisket.

Smoke it for 6-8 hours at 200 degrees, or roast in the oven at that if you must (with a water filled drip tray under a cookie sheet to preserve moisture). Carve against the grain.

Make a sauce out of Stadium Mustard, vinegar, honey, and anise seeds (or fennel seeds or caraway seeds).

Traditional? No. Delicious? Certainly.

Way too involved, I'm looking to chow, not looking for a part time job.

by **CAVSTRIBEBROWNSin07!** » Wed Mar 14, 2012 2:13 pm

Is there a particular order you're supposed to dry yourself off after a shower? My whole life I've gone arms-torso-legs-face-crotch, but lately I've been thinking there must be a scientifically, hygienically, or sexually correct way of doing this.

by jb » Fri Mar 16, 2012 3:49 pm

Great column tday.

E0 is un-American

by **peeker643** » Fri Mar 16, 2012 6:10 pm

jb wrote:Great column tday.

E0 is un-American

He's a hipster.

A counter-culture elitist hipster.

And yes, another terrific read from Lars.

by **Cerebral_DownTime** » Fri Mar 16, 2012 6:49 pm

what's wrong with counterculture?

by **peeker643** » Fri Mar 16, 2012 7:08 pm

Cerebral_DownTime wrote:what's wrong with counterculture?

There's nothing 'wrong' with any of it.

It should be embraced.

Not denied.

by **Cerebral_DownTime** » Fri Mar 16, 2012 7:24 pm

I don't wear a fedora and prance around listening to jazz.

Jazz is really just 4 people playing different songs at the same time.

"skibbitybibbityboppity"

by **Fire Marshall Bill** » Sat Mar 17, 2012 10:24 pm

Ziner wrote:
motherscratcher wrote:I always assumed that it goes without saying that deviled eggs a a wonderfully delicious treat that goes with just about anything and is suitable for nearly all occasions. However, it has recently been brought to my attention that not everyone shares this sentiment. So, my question is, what kind of asshole doesn't like deviled eggs?

I could eat a hundred deviled eggs. So delish

Just catching up so let me guess...

CDT?

by **Fire Marshall Bill** » Sat Mar 17, 2012 10:28 pm

Cerebral_DownTime wrote:what's wrong with counterculture?

<--------- The very definition of counter culture

by **e0y2e3** » Sun Mar 18, 2012 1:59 am

I am NOT a fucking hipster.

by **e0y2e3** » Sun Mar 18, 2012 2:41 am

Can I do a guest segment in next weeks column explaining what things like HIpsters and Euros are to the middle of Ohio?

by **motherscratcher** » Sun Mar 18, 2012 11:40 am

e0y2e3 wrote:Can I do a guest segment in next weeks column explaining what things like HIpsters and Euros are to the middle of Ohio?

Great idea. We can call it "The Way Things Are In Civilization" or "Things You Knobs In Ohio Couldn't Possibly Comprehend Because You Live In Ohio So You Don't Comprehend Stuff So Good"

Although that last one may be too long.

by **peeker643** » Sun Mar 18, 2012 11:49 am

motherscratcher wrote:
e0y2e3 wrote:Can I do a guest segment in next weeks column explaining what things like HIpsters and Euros are to the middle of Ohio?

Great idea. We can call it "The Way Things Are In Civilization" or "Things You Knobs In Ohio Couldn't Possibly Comprehend Because You Live In Ohio So You Don't Comprehend Stuff So Good"

Although that last one may be too long.

I'd just go with, "Everyone is Fucking Stupid Except for Me" or "The Hipster Diaries"

:hide:

by jb » Sun Mar 18, 2012 12:34 pm

e0y2e3 wrote:Can I do a guest segment in next weeks column explaining what things like HIpsters and Euros are to the middle of Ohio?

Sure. Fits right in with you showing us what Emo means daily.

by jb » Sun Mar 18, 2012 12:36 pm

Dear Lars - Can you explain nascar to me?

by **Cerebral_DownTime** » Sun Mar 18, 2012 7:03 pm

Dear Lars, Why is cauliflower so disgusting?

by **justmebd** » Sat Mar 24, 2012 5:01 pm

Lars,

You discover a time machine guarded by a mysterious being. He tells you the machine will transport you back to 1975-ish and that you will be allowed to watch one rock concert. Your choices are Aerosmith or Led Zeppelin.

So, do you see Aerosmith back in their prime? Or just get the Led out? I lean toward Zeppelin, but I was always curious to see Aerosmith back when they were doing enough drugs to make Keith Richards say, "Whoa, take it easy there son."

Follow-up: Do you ask to go back to 1999 and re-start the Browns?

Cleveland Browns & The NFL

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