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Simmons Two Theories on LeTankJob

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Simmons Two Theories on LeTankJob

Unread postby swerb » Mon Jun 13, 2011 10:47 pm

More B, a little A ... but both. Simmons nailed it. Entire game diary is very amusing.

http://www.grantland.com/story/_/id/665 ... etro-diary

Will we ever figure out what happened to this guy in the Finals? Allow me to offer two dopey theories for what happened, and only because I believe everything HAS to be explained and can't accept a world in which things don't have an answer …

THEORY A

Remember when Wade tore into LeBron with three-plus minutes remaining in Game 3? When he yelled at him for eight solid seconds? When there was genuine anger in his eyes? When he did it right on the court, right in front of the other players, right in front of 20,000 fans and 10 million TV viewers?

LeBron was never the same after that.

When was the last time anyone ever really yelled at LeBron James? You'd have to go back to high school, right? He just spent the past 10 years being coddled by everyone (teammates, coaches, agents, entourage members, yes-men, general managers, owners, media members, etc.). Imagine he was a little kid (which really, he might be to some degree), and imagine you were his father and didn't believe in yelling at your kids. Now, imagine your kid screwed up in his second-grade play and, for whatever reason, you broke character, snapped, and berated him for eight seconds in front of everyone. How would he handle that? Poorly, right? He'd pretend it didn't affect him, but the more he thought about it, it would gnaw away at him (especially once his buddies said, "I can't believe your dad yelled at you like that").

Could that have been what happened to LeBron? Did those eight seconds shake his confidence beyond repair? Did he resent Wade for embarrassing him? Did he think to himself, "Fine, you want to act like this is your team, then YOU win this title?" I believe every basketball champion needs a pecking order of sorts; that's just what the history of the league told us. Miami tried to cheat this concept by putting two of the league's best three players on the same team. It worked for 8½ months; LeBron and Wade ran the team together and deferred to one another depending on the moment. Then the Finals rolled around, Wade kicked it up another gear, LeBron didn't do the same, Wade called him out … and the team was NEVER the same. These are the facts.

THEORY B

Passed along by a friend of mine in NBA circles: LeBron caved from the never-ending scrutiny (as brutal as any athlete has ever faced in the Internet era) and his shaky inner circle, which consists of one parent (his mother, who battled a ton of problems over the years), his high school friends (who assumed an inordinately crucial role in his life without any real experience), his agents (who never threw their bodies in front of "The Decision"), and Miami's management (who walked him into another fiasco with the Heat's Welcome Party). By all accounts, he's a genuinely nice and happy guy who just wants to be liked — he was never meant to be a villain, and as much as he tried to feed off the heat (no pun intended), once it piled up past a certain point, he broke. Maybe he felt that happening against the 2010 Celtics as well; maybe that's why he chose to play with Wade in the first place.

And maybe that's why, right now, he's in total denial. Even in the postgame presser, when he should have been devastated the same way Magic Johnson was distraught after coming up small in the 1984 Finals, LeBron was doing the Frank Drebin "Nothing to see here, please disperse" routine, bristling at the notion that he choked and taking shots at anyone who rooted against him. That's what you do when you're surrounded by enablers — you blame everyone else, and you never look within. He never understood that people only rooted against him because that's what you do when someone boasts before they've ever actually done anything.

Let's say you're in college and one of your buddies says, "See that girl over there? I'm taking her home tonight. And I'm doing this because I'm the funniest and best-looking guy in this room." And let's say he's COMPLETELY serious. Guess what you're doing if it doesn't happen? You're making fun of him. Relentlessly. Really, that's what 50 percent of the Miami-related vitriol was about; the other 50 percent was because LeBron tried to stack the deck by playing with his biggest rival (we didn't respect it), and because he broke Cleveland's hearts on national TV (we didn't like it). To this day, LeBron hasn't shown any real regret about last summer; that's the main reason everyone rooted against him. He couldn't handle it. He caved. And now we're here.

So it's Theory A or Theory B, or maybe both, or maybe neither. As I wrote last Wednesday, I don't know why I care so much. Maybe it's because I know LeBron might be the most talented player I will ever watch, the Wilt of this generation, and I'm going to end up being pissed off that he never reached his potential and took me to a higher place as a sports fan … which is only the entire reason we watch sports in the first place, right? Because we don't know what's going to happen next, and because once in a while, someone shows up who's so good and so talented that he makes us say, "I know what's going to happen next?" Like he's giving us sports fan ESP? The best thing about Jordan's final shot wasn't that he made it, but that we knew he would make it. That's why we revere him all these years later. Usually heroes come through only on command in movies; Jordan did it in real life. We loved him for it.

LeBron? We thought he was next. Then he fell apart against Boston. Then he chose to play with his buddy instead of beating him. Then he fell apart again. Forget about him losing; we're losing, too. Nobody has ever fully explained that part to LeBron. We rooted against him this season because it's fun to have villains in sports, and because it's fun to see an overly confident person gets his or her comeuppance. Not because we hated his guts. There will be a day when we root for LeBron James again. You wait. Either way, thanks for indulging me. Back to the diary.
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Re: Simmons Two Theories on LeTankJob

Unread postby Madre Hill, Superstar » Mon Jun 13, 2011 11:59 pm

I think its a little of A, a little of B, and a little of C: No go-to move. No post-up game, no ability to play with his back to the basket, no spin move. And a little of D: Dude does not take well to stress, just look at the bottle of Maalox and lack of fingernails.

So you have Dallas sealing off the basket, Wade riding his ass, and his post-Decision legacy riding on the series... and he froze. Sure, he prodded here and there, and the Mavericks were there almost every time and the refs weren't giving him any leeway. His stomach hurt. He wasn't playing with house money like he did back in his younger days. So he did next what's always come natural in those situations: He deferred. If anyone was going to lose the series, it wasn't going to be him. No way he was going to wind up John Starks, not with the world glaring at him. Rather than try and fail, he simply let everyone else try and fail for him.

Which leads into the postgame conference. He did everything he could to win. The team failure... he'll let Dwayne answer that one.
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Re: Simmons Two Theories on LeTankJob

Unread postby e0y2e3 » Tue Jun 14, 2011 12:20 am

A might be the dumbest thing the cocky douche has ever written.

LBJ unraveled in game 2. It had nothing to do with what happened in game 3. His stand around and watch and chuck a few threes thing was HUGE on the 15 point comeback.

Simmons just writes to read himself now. Doesn't even put thought into his shit.
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Re: Simmons Two Theories on LeTankJob

Unread postby e0y2e3 » Tue Jun 14, 2011 12:23 am

And last years playoffs are when this disease was born for LBJ. What happened in this series didn't rear it's head until his lucky shooting came back down to earth and he was facing the same circumstances as last year. This has little to nothing to do with anything that was inspired by The Decision or from this series. This is another data point on two troubling playoff performances. Whatever the root source it was absolutely not born form Wade yelling at him or the media scrutiny. Read what the NBA execs are all saying... he is the most self involved person ever. A person like that doesn't care about public scrutiny.
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Re: Simmons Two Theories on LeTankJob

Unread postby motherscratcher » Tue Jun 14, 2011 10:15 am

I can't get past Simmons saying "By all accounts, he's a genuinely nice and happy guy who just wants to be liked..." I agree that he wants to be liked, but the genuinely nice guy bit is flying in the face of everything being written right now.

It seems like the guys is genuinely despised. I'm not sure how Simmons is missing that.

This does put a spin on last year for me too. My position up until now (as irrational is it probably is) is that LeBron tanked last year because it made for an easier exit for him than if they made/won the finals. At least I thought that was a huge part of it.

Now, I'm not sure at all about that.
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Re: Simmons Two Theories on LeTankJob

Unread postby peeker643 » Tue Jun 14, 2011 11:15 am

A was the result of B, not the reason unto itself.

If there wasn't a growing history of B Wade never gets to A.

And Madre, while I agree in principle to C, it's also a result of B. Dudes always been the very best athlete and most gifted player on the court. Never felt the sting MJ did in getting cut from a competetive team and never had the hunger to improve and achieve that Kobe had because he never needed it. His God given gifts were by and large enough.

This isn't new when you look back and consider the fact he was criticized (in however small a manner) in one of his high school title games for deferring to a teammate with the game on the line.

Bottom line is LBJ needs to grow up and be accountable. Not the bullshit stuff for the cameras before or after games but really look within himself and acknowledge his deficiencies. If he does that he can still win a handful of titles. If he doesn't then his legacy is that of the most talented and gifted underachiever in NBA history.
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Re: Simmons Two Theories on LeTankJob

Unread postby furls » Tue Jun 14, 2011 3:04 pm

e0y2e3 wrote:And last years playoffs are when this disease was born for LBJ. What happened in this series didn't rear it's head until his lucky shooting came back down to earth and he was facing the same circumstances as last year. This has little to nothing to do with anything that was inspired by The Decision or from this series. This is another data point on two troubling playoff performances. Whatever the root source it was absolutely not born form Wade yelling at him or the media scrutiny. Read what the NBA execs are all saying... he is the most self involved person ever. A person like that doesn't care about public scrutiny.


Unless that person is extremely insecure, then public scrutiny eats away at their soul. LBJ among the most insecure people I have ever seen, it comes off in almost everything he does. Like the way he attacks his critics, the way he wears his headband over his receding hairline and the way he has completely insulated himself from the rest of the world with a layer of yes men.

Although he is self centered, he needs the public adoration that is why he is a lousy villain.
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Re: Simmons Two Theories on LeTankJob

Unread postby noles1 » Tue Jun 14, 2011 4:24 pm

Usually a big fan of Simmons but I thought he spent too much time searching for angles rather than being entirely objective.

This situation is not new, to paint it as if it is is simply lazy. And his cushioning "nice guy" stuff is merely there to soften the blow of what he's really trying to say. I would have rather he went all out and attacked a point or a couple that he seems to scratch the surface on here.

While the mere premise (Bron is a child) is somewhat accurate from Point A, I just think he tried to look for too neat of a moment to expound it. Why can't it simply be that Bron's an immature, cocky douche that is surrounded by Yes men? And in relation to who Bron is, no doubt it's a fascinating breakdown of the human pysche but in the end, you're left with the same rationale conclusion. Dude is a classic generational case of having everything but not truly understanding the journey one must take to truly appreciate what is in front of him. No accountability, no remorse, no genuine feelings, he's all manufactured at this point and the sad thing is he'll never know any better.
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Re: Simmons Two Theories on LeTankJob

Unread postby e0y2e3 » Tue Jun 14, 2011 4:31 pm

In all honesty in the last year plus Simmons hasn't just jumped the shark. He's jumped the mother fucking grand canyon after filling it with sharks.

Every piece reads the same now:

1) I hung out w/ x celebrities

2) I was told x by x source

3) same jokes recycled for the 400th time

4) ridiculous argument based on opinion formulated in 30 seconds because he is too busy being a media king and playing in Hollywood to properly follow sports anymore

5) Klosterman rubbing his douche all over everything he touches when given the chance as well. Klosterman, he of "let me make sideways points and ask staged questions just so people have to believe my stupid theories and I look smart!!!!!" fame. The Klosterman and Barkley podcast was the final straw. I hope Simmons is hit by a semi. I hope Klosterman is lit on fire. Populist fucks egos have made them beyond intolerable and lazy. Both of which are unforgivable.

6) Have I mentioned how pissed I am those two have influence over the awesome writers hired at Grantland? Because it really effing pisses me off.
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Re: Simmons Two Theories on LeTankJob

Unread postby FUDU » Tue Jun 14, 2011 5:41 pm

furls wrote:
e0y2e3 wrote:And last years playoffs are when this disease was born for LBJ. What happened in this series didn't rear it's head until his lucky shooting came back down to earth and he was facing the same circumstances as last year. This has little to nothing to do with anything that was inspired by The Decision or from this series. This is another data point on two troubling playoff performances. Whatever the root source it was absolutely not born form Wade yelling at him or the media scrutiny. Read what the NBA execs are all saying... he is the most self involved person ever. A person like that doesn't care about public scrutiny.


Unless that person is extremely insecure, then public scrutiny eats away at their soul. LBJ among the most insecure people I have ever seen, it comes off in almost everything he does. Like the way he attacks his critics, the way he wears his headband over his receding hairline and the way he has completely insulated himself from the rest of the world with a layer of yes men.

Although he is self centered, he needs the public adoration that is why he is a lousy villain.


A person so self involved PRETENDS to not care what others thinks, but they totally care, it's their defense mechanism.

IMO LeBron has manipulated his entire situation since the day he was the pick. He's manipulated the media, fans and all the on & off the court basketball stuff. He needs to be the center of attention, he needs to be needed. Last year was about quitting to get out. This year his antics (IMO a combo of not being able to take the heat & kind of giving up) were more about proving a point to satisfy his childish ego. He's saying OK you all think I should be second fiddle, well let's see how it pans out, and when it doesn't yall will see just how much you need me. He wants all the attention, glory & credit for getting it done but he wants none of the responsibility.
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Re: Simmons Two Theories on LeTankJob

Unread postby e0y2e3 » Tue Jun 14, 2011 5:47 pm

I just 100% disagree.

So does everyone that knows LBJ.

The guy lives in his bubble, introduces himself on the phone and via text as King James, etc.

As LeBatard has said... he is a CHILD STAR.

His perspective is so distorted he doesn't have any grasp on reality.

That is LBJ.

Not some guy begging for people to like him deep down. If that were the case the last year would have played out very differently.
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Re: Simmons Two Theories on LeTankJob

Unread postby e0y2e3 » Tue Jun 14, 2011 5:48 pm

And that fact that you just said he quit last year to get out and this year to prove a childish point is hilarious.

Guy has issues, but christ did you also author the various JFK theories?
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Re: Simmons Two Theories on LeTankJob

Unread postby swerb » Tue Jun 14, 2011 7:25 pm

LeTank was raised with no male influence and a crack whore mom. He's been a child star since age eight and has been surrounded by gravy trainers that have turned him into the creature he is by kissing his ass and inflating his self worth.

Even now, when the whole world has figured him out and 95% of the populace fucking hates him, most of those people are still kissing his ass when they see him. And he's insulated himself with an armada of followers who kiss the pinky ring every day.

The only fucking thing that is going to wake this out of touch with reality piece of shit back down to earth is when Nike threatens to dump his ass, or Riley threatens to trade him to Minnesota for Kevin Love and two #1s.

And that might not even do it.

He'd go to Adidas and talk about how they've been courting him for years and how it was his decision to leave Nike.

I also think Riley has the Come to Jesus with him this off-season. The conversation Gilbert and his goons wanted to have, but were afraid to, instead further enabling him out of sheer terror that any other treatment would cause him to leave. TMLP helped create the fucking monster that big balding prick has become.

With Nike, he's safe now, but eventually ... he could be in trouble if he doesn't get a clue. You can be a villain and be a top dollar front man (Barkley, Jordan). But as Furls mentioned, he's a shitty villain. But you can't be disliked AND disrespected by the populace to make the kind of money he's making as the face man for a brand as big as Nike.

I do believe LeFuckface deep down is very, very insecure. But with an insanely distorted grasp on reality that is made worse by the insulated bubble of enabler morons that follow him around. He'd be a field day for a shrink, and is a very interesting character study. He's really fucked up, which is no surprise really with that piece of trash that raised him.
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Re: Simmons Two Theories on LeTankJob

Unread postby e0y2e3 » Tue Jun 14, 2011 7:32 pm

^ nailed that one
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Re: Simmons Two Theories on LeTankJob

Unread postby FUDU » Tue Jun 14, 2011 7:35 pm

e0y2e3 wrote:And that fact that you just said he quit last year to get out and this year to prove a childish point is hilarious.

Guy has issues, but christ did you also author the various JFK theories?

Well you don't disagree too much b/c I called him a child.

He wants and needs things on his terms, that's not only how self centered people act but children act. Insecurity is huge with this one, as Rich also mentions. Everyone's been saying for years that he always said the right things coming up, he's so mature, well of course he said the right things, the right things are plastered everywhere for everyone to see and repeat. He's said the right tings b/c he wants the adulation from everyone when he speaks. He wants global iconic status, that goes far beyond any basketball ego, and in order to get it he will do anything he has to.
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Re: Simmons Two Theories on LeTankJob

Unread postby e0y2e3 » Tue Jun 14, 2011 7:38 pm

::doh::

You give that whacked up fully grown man-child far more credit than he deserves.

Although I'll give you credit, I've read probably 200K words on the Finals alone and you are the first to even float the "he tanked because he had to be the alpha guy" theory. Especially when he was the closer and alpha guy in the Boston and Chicago series.
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Re: Simmons Two Theories on LeTankJob

Unread postby e0y2e3 » Tue Jun 14, 2011 7:41 pm

Funny thing is, had LBJ stayed in Cleveland Gilbert probably would have made TPeezy a consultant and put him on the payroll for LBJ. I mean he did manage to find jobs for like 50% of the people LBJ knew.
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Re: Simmons Two Theories on LeTankJob

Unread postby FUDU » Tue Jun 14, 2011 7:46 pm

We're not far off on this at all, I'm just not conceding LeBron to be completely dumb like you have implied. Immature sure, all sorts of other stuff too, OK. The Decision idea was dumb, par for the egotistical course but dumb, but the way in which he kept the world guessing and CTown in high hopes for the past few years wasn't dumb. He knew exactly what he was doing.

He not only wants to be liked he needs to be, he's too spread out for that not to be a motive.
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Re: Simmons Two Theories on LeTankJob

Unread postby FUDU » Tue Jun 14, 2011 7:47 pm

e0y2e3 wrote:Funny thing is, had LBJ stayed in Cleveland we'd all be pissed he lost the Finals and would still think he is pretty awesome
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Re: Simmons Two Theories on LeTankJob

Unread postby JCoz » Tue Jun 14, 2011 7:51 pm

Should be interesting to see how he responds over time as the heat turns up steadily with the combined salaries of Bosh Wade and Bron along with the lack of draft picks deteriorating the quality of "the help".

EDIT: obviously the CBA drastically affects this, so in in retrospect, its an assumption that cant be made really. Mavs salary was 90 mil this season, for example.
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Re: Simmons Two Theories on LeTankJob

Unread postby e0y2e3 » Tue Jun 14, 2011 7:52 pm

No, you are implying LBJ ran two separate scheduled tank jobs, one planned to leave Cleveland and the other to send a message about being the closer for a team he was considered the closer on....

I'm nowhere near there and want nothing to do w/ that.
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Re: Simmons Two Theories on LeTankJob

Unread postby e0y2e3 » Tue Jun 14, 2011 7:54 pm

And, BTW, LBJ was the one given the first shot at closing in the Finals. Which magnifies his choke job in game 2 down the stretch and makes Simmons theory A even more laughable.
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Re: Simmons Two Theories on LeTankJob

Unread postby FUDU » Tue Jun 14, 2011 8:05 pm

e0y2e3 wrote:No, you are implying LBJ ran two separate scheduled tank jobs, one planned to leave Cleveland and the other to send a message about being the closer for a team he was considered the closer on....

I'm nowhere near there and want nothing to do w/ that.


I think tantrum or antics is a better word than total tank job, and I'm not suggesting he decided this year's antics in February. I just think he made a conscious decision about his style of play at some point in these Finals. The lolly gagging, the lack of not just aggression but even basic attention span IMO cannot be explained away by some mystical deer in the headlights condition that comes over him. Not now, not at this point in his career. He's where he wants to be now, but that doesn't discount him being above his the kicking, screaming and uncooperative ways just yet.
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Re: Simmons Two Theories on LeTankJob

Unread postby e0y2e3 » Tue Jun 14, 2011 8:10 pm

Yeah, I want absolutely nothing to do with that theory.

After eight years now watching him I can say one thing about this series and last years.

It wasn't temper tantrum antics.

His eyes verified that much.

But, as usual, you live in your own world.

Do you FUDU, do you.
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Re: Simmons Two Theories on LeTankJob

Unread postby FUDU » Tue Jun 14, 2011 8:16 pm

e0y2e3 wrote:Yeah, I want absolutely nothing to do with that theory.

After eight years now watching him I can say one thing about this series and last years.

It wasn't temper tantrum antics.

His eyes verified that much.

But, as usual, you live in your own world.

Do you FUDU, do you.


So I'm LBJ?

No skin off my back, you still don't really acknowledge him truly tanking last year, so whatever.
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Re: Simmons Two Theories on LeTankJob

Unread postby motherscratcher » Tue Jun 14, 2011 8:27 pm

Like I said unthread, I always thought last year was a tank job. Not convinced anymore.

FUDU, it sure didn't look like a conscious decision to check out, especially after all of the criticism he took earlier in the series for looking disinterested. To me it looked more like he was scared. Of what, i don't know. Failure?

Best I can come up with is that it was just too hard. Harder than he thought it would be. And instead of trying and failing, he just gave up. Maybe he thought that way people couldn't say he wasn't good enough.

Hell, I don't know. How can anyone known what goes on in that fuck's head?
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Re: Simmons Two Theories on LeTankJob

Unread postby e0y2e3 » Tue Jun 14, 2011 8:32 pm

You could give most any theory about the last two playoffs and they would at least have to be considered.

Only FUDU and Simmons could provide this big of rubbish.

FUDU: "He threw a temper tantrum because he wasn't the closer even though he was the closer until he melted down!!!!!!!"

Simmons: "WADE YELLED AT HIM!!!!!"

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Re: Simmons Two Theories on LeTankJob

Unread postby FUDU » Tue Jun 14, 2011 8:43 pm

motherscratcher wrote:Like I said unthread, I always thought last year was a tank job. Not convinced anymore.

FUDU, it sure didn't look like a conscious decision to check out, especially after all of the criticism he took earlier in the series for looking disinterested. To me it looked more like he was scared. Of what, i don't know. Failure?

Best I can come up with is that it was just too hard. Harder than he thought it would be. And instead of trying and failing, he just gave up. Maybe he thought that way people couldn't say he wasn't good enough.

Hell, I don't know. How can anyone known what goes on in that fuck's head?


Agreed in that we are all babbling about stuff we are very unsure of.

If he was going 3-17 every night, 2-9 in the 4ths, and all that sort of stuff then I could understand it being a simple choke under pressure type scenario. But he didn't, IIRC he averaged 16 FGA for the series, not a massive drop off from the reg season with the Heat. Lots of ways to explain that. His approach, much like last summer, was what was off. That approach never reared it's ugly head prior to last summer really. Almost utter refusal in many spots to put the ball on the floor and drive, even if he had to drive like some meat head and end up dribbling off his foot, he didn't even over compensate in trying too hard.

Nothing in the past ever significantly suggested even the slightest preemptive actions in not succeeding. Lots of missed shots and questionable decision making sure, but that can all be explained by real time heat of the moment stuff (can easily say he has been out manned too many times in the past).

Cracking under pressure is missing all sorts of shots and making lots of bad plays, from the middle of the series on he didn't even try to make plays.

Funny all this makes it sound like I'm disappointed, when I'm really happy as shit he got boned.
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Re: Simmons Two Theories on LeTankJob

Unread postby FUDU » Tue Jun 14, 2011 9:03 pm

Plus eye, I assume when you refer to LBJ as the closer early in the series that you are strictly talking from a more assertive floor general approach. B/C as far as shooting and scoring in games 1-3 he was meh feh bleh in the 4th.
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Re: Simmons Two Theories on LeTankJob

Unread postby e0y2e3 » Tue Jun 14, 2011 9:08 pm

You're pretty stupid.

He didn't close anything at all this series. He did close the Bulls series and the Boston series though with lucky and ridiculous shooting.

My point is during games 1 and 2 they gave him the ball to close games. The opportunity was his. The game was called that way.

He blew it.

Either way, I don't even understand WTF you are babbling about at this point so I'm done w/ you. Keep on keepin on.
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Re: Simmons Two Theories on LeTankJob

Unread postby FUDU » Tue Jun 14, 2011 9:18 pm

I'm more than aware he didn't close out anything in this series. I was just starting to wonder if you knew, and if you watched those games, b/c games 1-3 were not smart basketball games.
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Re: Simmons Two Theories on LeTankJob

Unread postby e0y2e3 » Tue Jun 14, 2011 9:30 pm

And FWIW, the pass to Bosh to win game three was one of the better plays he made all series.

Short of the few minute bursts where he would run the cross screen and the slip screen well.

Either way you're still a babbling buffoon.
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Re: Simmons Two Theories on LeTankJob

Unread postby swerb » Tue Jun 14, 2011 9:56 pm

At the press conference after game six, every reporter asked LeCrackBaby a variation of the same question. All related to his choking/indecisiveness. I don't blame em ... those guys all have been dying for that moment all season.

Here's the question I would have asked ...

"You've talked all season about how hard you've worked on your game this year and the countless hours you put into your game that we as reporters don't see. Elaborate for a moment on what aspects of your game you've worked on hardest this season. And how much time have you spent this year working on your intermediate game and post moves?"
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Re: Simmons Two Theories on LeTankJob

Unread postby Kingpin74 » Tue Jun 14, 2011 10:15 pm

In all honesty in the last year plus Simmons hasn't just jumped the shark. He's jumped the mother fucking grand canyon after filling it with sharks.

Every piece reads the same now:

1) I hung out w/ x celebrities

2) I was told x by x source

3) same jokes recycled for the 400th time

4) ridiculous argument based on opinion formulated in 30 seconds because he is too busy being a media king and playing in Hollywood to properly follow sports anymore

5) Klosterman rubbing his douche all over everything he touches when given the chance as well. Klosterman, he of "let me make sideways points and ask staged questions just so people have to believe my stupid theories and I look smart!!!!!" fame. The Klosterman and Barkley podcast was the final straw. I hope Simmons is hit by a semi. I hope Klosterman is lit on fire. Populist fucks egos have made them beyond intolerable and lazy. Both of which are unforgivable.

6) Have I mentioned how pissed I am those two have influence over the awesome writers hired at Grantland? Because it really effing pisses me off.


As someone who's read Simmons since he started at ESPN in 2001, I am supremely offended at his recent rise. I can't ever recall anyone selling out his fans more. He cut his teeth as a genuinely funny everyman who nailed the lighter side of sports with the right mix of pop culture references. He was so much fun to read. Then he leveraged the loyalty of his core fans to let himself become a Hollywood douche with a terrible work ethic. I swear his number of reality TV/entertainment industry jerk off session podcasts outnumber his columns anymore. He's abandoned what got him there and when he does write, he couldn't take himself more seriously. Very annoying at times.
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Re: Simmons Two Theories on LeTankJob

Unread postby fundamentals » Tue Jun 14, 2011 10:22 pm

Count me in the crowd of stunned observers, not believing that they were beaten by the Mavericks. Simmons's article is rubbish. The guy used to be a good read. I have to agree with what was said that most his articles are in the same format, not saying I would do any better given that it has worked for him for years. I am quite tired of reading about "sources" regarding LBJ. Why don't they just say the names? It's because the stuff is garbage and they are just trolling for info, throwing poo at the wall to see if something sticks.

Swerb is right on with that question. He had many chances to post up Jason Kidd and didn't do much with those chances. He had JJ Barea on him and looked awfully uncomfortable in the paint area, more than likely knowing somebody would come and rip his head off.

I said this waaaaaay back in a post a long time ago about him. He has always been the bully on the block so to speak. Anytime someone has physically challenged, seems as if he backs off. I know he's had dominant games, etc... but most of them have come in the way of jump shots, not consistent work around the rim (unless you count breakaway dunks). When his team lost in OHSAA state tourney, I still remember vividly the look on his face when Beckam Wyrick basically punched him in the ribs on the first possession, kind of alerting him that his free ride was over. He didn't attack the hoop and though he put up good numbers, his desire to work inside wasn't there. I digress, sorry.

A few writers have mentioned that when things are going well, he's your alpha dog. But when the going gets tough, he gets going, out the door. At least that's the way it has played out in some recent spots for him. I don't know how the rest of his career pans out but I do know that great players work on their game and work on doing things in a way to give them an edge. Jordan diversified, Kobe diversified, the great ones do it. We just saw Dirk do it as well.

I am rambling but to see the best player on the planet morph into Pete Myers on the biggest stage of all is mind boggling.

And as an aside, did anyone see DeShawn Stevenson's shirt? It read, I think, "Hey LeBron, how does my Dirk taste?" :thud:
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Re: Simmons Two Theories on LeTankJob

Unread postby Larvell Blanks » Wed Jun 15, 2011 7:38 am

swerb wrote:
Here's the question I would have asked ...

"You've talked all season about how hard you've worked on your game this year and the countless hours you put into your game that we as reporters don't see. Elaborate for a moment on what aspects of your game you've worked on hardest this season. And how much time have you spent this year working on your intermediate game and post moves?"



Well he kinda answered this yesterday. He has said on his website ...
A lot to learn from this year, a lot to build on, and a lot of work to do this summer.


Yet when he met the press yesterday he said this...
My game has got me to this point where it's gotten me successful and I look at it as why would I change it at this point.


http://www.foxsportsflorida.com/06/14/11/Heat-feel-the-pain-try-to-look-forward/landing_heat.html?blockID=532551&feedID=3682

He just doesn't get it.

Somewhere Magic, Bird, MJ are shaking their heads, probably while in the gym.
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Re: Simmons Two Theories on LeTankJob

Unread postby swerb » Wed Jun 15, 2011 8:19 am

If I'm Pat Riley, I put together a compilation tape of Magic taking people down on the block and abusing them there.

Magic was so good at it. The Showtime Lakers created matchup problems for people with three bigger guards in Byron Scott, Michael Cooper, and Magic. I have distinct memories of my youth of Magic exploiting those matchups and taking his man down on the block, demanding the ball, and then dropping a post move or the baby hook on their ass.

If I had to guess, here's LeTank's workout routine.

Hour in the weight room
Hour shooting threes
Half an hour of foul shots
Hour in front of the mirror
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Re: Simmons Two Theories on LeTankJob

Unread postby noles1 » Wed Jun 15, 2011 8:22 am

Put me firmly in the corner of hoping he never gets it and he never gets a post game or mid-range game.

Still, Swerb's point earlier in the thread is only amplified by the fact LBJ had to put shit like that on HIS WEBSITE rather than to verbally say it Sunday night. GUy continues to live in his own bubble.

I mean think about how stupid this kid is, he builds a $30MM home in a $300K neighborhood, the Decision, he has to have Wade sit with him at pressers ALL YEAR and he stays up all night and posts on twitter before a Finals game, just to name a few of the red flags.

Really at times I feel like the jokes been on me because I should have recognized these signs from him since the Spurs Finals. Clearly had Cavs-colored glasses...
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Re: Simmons Two Theories on LeTankJob

Unread postby Larvell Blanks » Wed Jun 15, 2011 1:09 pm

Image
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Re: Simmons Two Theories on LeTankJob

Unread postby rebelwithoutaclue » Wed Jun 15, 2011 3:26 pm

swerb wrote:If I'm Pat Riley, I put together a compilation tape of Magic taking people down on the block and abusing them there.

Magic was so good at it. The Showtime Lakers created matchup problems for people with three bigger guards in Byron Scott, Michael Cooper, and Magic. I have distinct memories of my youth of Magic exploiting those matchups and taking his man down on the block, demanding the ball, and then dropping a post move or the baby hook on their ass.

If I had to guess, here's LeTank's workout routine.

Hour in the weight room
Hour shooting threes
Half an hour of foul shots
Hour in front of the mirror


You forgot TEN HOURS OF BEING GLOBAL ICON :dead:
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Re: Simmons Two Theories on LeTankJob

Unread postby FUDU » Wed Jun 15, 2011 5:17 pm

noles1 wrote:Put me firmly in the corner of hoping he never gets it and he never gets a post game or mid-range game.

Still, Swerb's point earlier in the thread is only amplified by the fact LBJ had to put shit like that on HIS WEBSITE rather than to verbally say it Sunday night. GUy continues to live in his own bubble.

I mean think about how stupid this kid is, he builds a $30MM home in a $300K neighborhood, the Decision, he has to have Wade sit with him at pressers ALL YEAR and he stays up all night and posts on twitter before a Finals game, just to name a few of the red flags.

Really at times I feel like the jokes been on me because I should have recognized these signs from him since the Spurs Finals. Clearly had Cavs-colored glasses...

We all did, partly not all our fault.

BTW to clarify my point yesterday about LeBron consciously having a tantrum. I'm not suggesting malicious intent to lose the series, more so "Ok you guys want me to play a certain way/role, then fine, we'll see just how well that works out". If they win it then fine he gets his ring, if not then he is back in the cat bird seat knowing they need him to be special.
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Re: Simmons Two Theories on LeTankJob

Unread postby e0y2e3 » Wed Jun 15, 2011 5:23 pm

Ignoring FUDU, this Simmons and Klosterman parody that just came accross Twitter is absolute perfection:

http://withleather.uproxx.com/2011/06/t ... ll-simmons
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Re: Simmons Two Theories on LeTankJob

Unread postby FUDU » Wed Jun 15, 2011 5:31 pm

e0y2e3 wrote:I DON'T HAVE AN OPINION TO OFFER BUT I'M STILL RIGHT ANYWAY!
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Re: Simmons Two Theories on LeTankJob

Unread postby OldDawg » Wed Jun 15, 2011 10:03 pm

swerb wrote:More B, a little A ... but both. Simmons nailed it. Entire game diary is very amusing.

http://www.grantland.com/story/_/id/665 ... etro-diary

[i]Will we ever figure out what happened to this guy in the Finals? Allow me to offer two dopey theories for what happened, and only because I believe everything HAS to be explained and can't accept a world in which things don't have an answer …

THEORY ARemember when Wade tore into LeBron with three-plus minutes remaining in Game 3? When he yelled at him for eight solid seconds? When there was genuine anger in his eyes? When he did it right on the court, right in front of the other players, right in front of 20,000 fans and 10 million TV viewers? LeBron was never the same after that.


So let me understand this. LeBron tanked/quit in consecutive playoffs for the same reason?

This year he tanks because teammate DWade MFed him?
Last year he tanks because teammate DWest FMed him?
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Re: Simmons Two Theories on LeTankJob

Unread postby OldDawg » Wed Jun 15, 2011 10:05 pm

motherscratcher wrote:This does put a spin on last year for me too. My position up until now (as irrational is it probably is) is that LeBron tanked last year because it made for an easier exit for him than if they made/won the finals. At least I thought that was a huge part of it.

Now, I'm not sure at all about that.


I agree here.
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Re: Simmons Two Theories on LeTankJob

Unread postby OldDawg » Wed Jun 15, 2011 10:16 pm

swerb wrote:Magic was so good at it. The Showtime Lakers created matchup problems for people with three bigger guards in Byron Scott, Michael Cooper, and Magic. I have distinct memories of my youth of Magic exploiting those matchups and taking his man down on the block, demanding the ball, and then dropping a post move or the baby hook on their ass.


LBJ is uncoachable. I have watched coaches try to get him to post up his whole life. Even when they get him to post up, he doesn't. When someone throws a post pass to LBJ on the block, instead of sealing his man and holding ground, he ALWAYS meets the pass half way, and then back pivots away from the hoop further. So what should be a drop step dunk with an and-one, ends up with LBJ being LBJ -- playing face-up LeISO from 20 ft out.

What's a coach gonna do, bench him?

My biggest fear is Riley becoming the HC. There are few people on the planet with the balls and/or the status to hold LBJ accountable.
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Re: Simmons Two Theories on LeTankJob

Unread postby OldDawg » Wed Jun 15, 2011 10:24 pm

furls wrote:Unless that person is extremely insecure, then public scrutiny eats away at their soul. LBJ among the most insecure people I have ever seen, it comes off in almost everything he does. Like the way he attacks his critics, the way he wears his headband over his receding hairline and the way he has completely insulated himself from the rest of the world with a layer of yes men.

Insecurity:
His recent quip about not caring what everyone else thinks.
Last year's quip about keeping track of who is criticizing him.
HUH? Which is it?
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Re: Simmons Two Theories on LeTankJob

Unread postby motherscratcher » Wed Jun 15, 2011 10:47 pm

OldDawg wrote:
swerb wrote:More B, a little A ... but both. Simmons nailed it. Entire game diary is very amusing.

http://www.grantland.com/story/_/id/665 ... etro-diary

[i]Will we ever figure out what happened to this guy in the Finals? Allow me to offer two dopey theories for what happened, and only because I believe everything HAS to be explained and can't accept a world in which things don't have an answer …

THEORY ARemember when Wade tore into LeBron with three-plus minutes remaining in Game 3? When he yelled at him for eight solid seconds? When there was genuine anger in his eyes? When he did it right on the court, right in front of the other players, right in front of 20,000 fans and 10 million TV viewers? LeBron was never the same after that.


So let me understand this. LeBron tanked/quit in consecutive playoffs for the same reason?


This year he tanks because teammate DWade MFed him?
Last year he tanks because teammate DWest FMed him?


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Re: Simmons Two Theories on LeTankJob

Unread postby Madre Hill, Superstar » Thu Jun 16, 2011 12:38 am

OldDawg wrote:My biggest fear is Riley becoming the HC. There are few people on the planet with the balls and/or the status to hold LBJ accountable.


No evidence I have on hand to back it up, but I'd be really really really surprised if Riley wasn't hands-on helping Spoelstra and working with LeBitch starting from day one.
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Re: Simmons Two Theories on LeTankJob

Unread postby OldDawg » Thu Jun 16, 2011 8:30 am

Madre Hill, Superstar wrote:
OldDawg wrote:My biggest fear is Riley becoming the HC. There are few people on the planet with the balls and/or the status to hold LBJ accountable.


No evidence I have on hand to back it up, but I'd be really really really surprised if Riley wasn't hands-on helping Spoelstra and working with LeBitch starting from day one.


I certainly expected Riley to do this during this past season. However, if that was going on regularly, one would think that the intense media following and snooping around the Heat, we would have heard more about it.

I do recall during the playoffs the media making a fuss about Riley stepping in to put in some sets specifically to get Bosh going... and the next game Bosh had an outstanding game.

If that was going on regularly, we would know. I could see Riley and Spo spending time behind closed doors quite often, trying to keep it under wraps. However, I would think the snoopers would find something out about it and make a fuss.
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