The funniest thing you will see all day

[gotribe31]

So a friend of mine at work went to BYU. She and I were talking about Jimmer-mania and her collegiate experience when she sent me the link to the BYU "police blotter." You wouldn't believe some of the stuff that goes on at that campus!

http://universe.byu.edu/police

Jan. 21: Police received reports of individuals climbing trees in front of the ASB. When officers arrived, they found the tree-climbers to be members of grounds crew trimming branches. No crime was committed.

Jan. 17: A student reported a male with orange hair and an orange beard looking suspicious in the Smith Fieldhouse. The student told police he had overheard the man telling a woman that he liked babies. When officers arrived, no one had seen a man with orange hair or an orange beard.

Nov. 11 Someone called to report a vehicle in Lot 40 with a door left open. The vehicle was gone when officers arrived.

Nov. 13 A concerned citizen reported seeing a bag of alcohol near the Wilkinson Center. It was actually a bag of groceries and the owner got onto the bus and left with it.

Nov. 13 A student reported his bike was stolen. He later found it, realizing he had just forgotten where he had parked it.

[Erie Warrior]

White people are so lame.

[swerb]

No way is that funnier than Peeker's Strat lineup.

[peeker643]

No way is that funnier than Peeker's Strat lineup.

Dammit.

[gotribe31]

No way is that funnier than Peeker's Strat lineup.

Damn, good point. OK, the 2nd funniest thing today.

[swerb]

I always get nervous betting against BYU, from the straight standpoint that their players aren't out boozing, abusing drugs, and fornicating into the wee hours of the morning the nights before games, while all of their opponents almost assuredly are.

[peeker643]

I always get nervous betting against BYU, from the straight standpoint that their players aren't out boozing, abusing drugs, and fornicating into the wee hours of the morning the nights before games, while all of their opponents almost assuredly are.

You realize how GD uptight and neurotic those BYU kids must be? They're all Todd Marinovichian powder kegs in desperate need of a burger, beer and blowie.

[Cerebral_DownTime]

Utah has the most pointless alcohol laws ever. Fucking Mormons and their magic underpants.

The police should've tased the guy in the tree just in case.

[gotribe31]

Jan. 28: An individual was reported to be shouting profanities in Maeser Hall. The campus was searched, but no one was found.

Jan. 29: Two white males were reported to be wearing baggy shirts with bulges that resembled firearms in the Wilkinson Game Center. The officer on site did not see anything suspicious, and the subjects were gone upon police arrival.

Jan. 29: After the Widtsoe Building was locked, someone saw people in the building and called police. Upon arrival, the officers discovered it was students who had been playing hide and seek before the building had closed. The students were told to leave the building.

[Cerebral_DownTime]

Nope. I saw 4 midgets fight a pack of wild dogs for some cheese sandwiches. They just couldn't get a good grip with those little sausage fingers.

[peeker643]

Nope. I saw 4 midgets fight a pack of wild dogs for some cheese sandwiches. They just couldn't get a good grip with those little sausage fingers.

So close. Tell me this wouldn't have been funnier:

I saw 4 midgets fight a pack of MONKEYS for some cheese sandwiches. They just couldn't get a good grip with those little sausage fingers.

Idiot. Monkeys are always funnier. The word alone is funny and the visuals are off the charts.

Those little furry, mischievous faces with those tails all running about frantically and taking the cheese sandwiches away from the midgets. Making their getaways by swinging from light fixtures or bookshelves (I see the cheese sandwich caper unfolding in a library or a very well-appointed den. I'm not sure why really).

Way funnier than your wolves or coyote or whatever the fuck it was.

[Cerebral_DownTime]

Monkeys are over used. Honestly I hate monkeys, I would pay top dollar to shoot a chimp in the face.

Plus there would be no basis or reason for a "pack of monkeys" (monkeys live in troops, but Peek obviously was unaware of this) to be in Central Ohio fighting with our midget populous.

I'm going for realism, peek is going for "HAHHA FART JOKES R FUNNY" style.

[Fire Marshall Bill]

Some great places to visit and fish in Utah but, you damn sure would never want to lived there.

As Jim McMahon once said after attending Bigoted Young University ..."If you ain't Mormon, you ain't shit"

[peeker643]

Monkeys are over used. Honestly I hate monkeys, I would pay top dollar to shoot a chimp in the face.

You do and you're dead.

They're protected in Ohio asshole.

Plus there would be no basis or reason for a "pack of monkeys" (monkeys live in troops, but Peek obviously was unaware of this) to be in Central Ohio fighting with our midget populous.

Yeah, they live in packs or 'gaggles' as the Aussies say, right up until they're captured, separated and sold in places like Columbus Ohio Fuckface. That's what causes them to be an angry enough to fight dwarves.

I'm going for realism, peek is going for "HAHHA FART JOKES R FUNNY" style.

You wouldn't know funny if it made you a pizza at a Monkey v. Midget event.

[Cerebral_DownTime]

Because Columbus leads the world in the captured monkey trade......

Monkeys are stupid and I think they all conspired to be get rid of the Sasquatch because he was getting all the press. So therefore I submit that they cannot be trusted and should be confined to zoos and medical labs.

And I invented pizza.

[peeker643]

Because Columbus leads the world in the captured monkey trade......

Monkeys are stupid and I think they all conspired to be get rid of the Sasquatch because he was getting all the press. So therefore I submit that they cannot be trusted and should be confined to zoos and medical labs.

And I invented pizza.

You invented nothing other than misinformed monkey takes.

You've lost half your credibility now. You still have the midget half keeping you afloat.

[Fire Marshall Bill]

Baptists have nothing on Mormons when it comes to incest

Its what happens when you put 10 in one bed...

[Fire Marshall Bill]

Because Columbus leads the world in the captured monkey trade......

Monkeys are stupid and I think they all conspired to be get rid of the Sasquatch because he was getting all the press. So therefore I submit that they cannot be trusted and should be confined to zoos and medical labs.

And I invented pizza.

Not only that they stick their fingers up their asses and eat their own shit...

Shoot them all

You know nothing about pizza...I forgot more about pizza before you were even born than you'll EVER know

...and you could put pussy on that list, too.

[Cerebral_DownTime]

Fuck that.

I'm the mother fuckin' pizza master of the universe.

And I don't really care where you've stuck your wenis. Nobody does.

Andbody who eats stuffed crust pizza should be thrown down a flight of stairs.

[Fire Marshall Bill]

Fuck that.

I'm the mother fuckin' pizza master of the universe.

And I don't really care where you've stuck your wenis. Nobody does.

Andbody who eats stuffed crust pizza should be thrown down a flight of stairs.

If I died today it would take you 30 yrs to make up the difference... my pizza knowledge is that far beyond your grasp

I will agree with the abortion known as stuffed crust but, just a few minutes ago while taking a crap I forgot more about pizza than you'll ever know

[Cerebral_DownTime]

just a few minutes ago while taking a crap I forgot more about pizza than you'll ever know

You could never know more about pizza then me.

Enjoy your Alzheimers.