Things Not To Do On Your Day Off

[motherscratcher]

1. De-thatch your lawn

If you ever even think about de-thatching your lawn, you should do this instead: Go into your bedroom. Find a full length mirror. Stand in front of it with your feet shoulder-width apart. Pound yourself in the nuts with a hard blunt object continuously for 3 minutes. It will hurt less and be over faster.

If a friend or family member ever suggests that you de-thatch your lawn you should do this: Do not hesitate. Do not think. Punch them immediately and squarely in the face as hard as you can. Hit them like you are a Seattle cop. Continue to beat and batter them about the head and neck area for 2 minutes. If they have ever de-thatched their own lawn they will understand that they deserved this. If they have not de-thatched their own lawn they will have learned an important and valuable lesson.

I'm fucking serious.

[Cerebral_DownTime]

So are you pro or anti De-Thatching? I can't tell.



"Helloooooooooooooo!"

[FUDU]

http://www.allaboutlawns.com/lawn-maintenance-care/aerating-and-thatch/how-do-i-dethatch.php

Scroll down to item number 6 MS.

[Stu]

power rake from home depot for 4 hours is about 50 bucks. totally worth it.

[Fire Marshall Bill]

You most likely could have hired someone to do it for 75 and had a beer while watching

In any event, buy a new mulching mower and fuhgeddaboudit forever

De-thatching went the way of the 3.5 hp Briggs & Stratton at least 10 yrs ago, unless you need to re-seed. 6hp and up mulchers leave nothing behind and competition and waste disposal fees force the issue

Get a new Toro mulcher and de-thatch no more forever

[FUDU]

Not caring is free, just sayin.

[waborat]

pussy

[Cerebral_DownTime]

I have a John Deere, so i'm the best.

[motherscratcher]

pussy

Can't argue with that, unfortunately.

Damn, I was sore for 2 days from that and still have blisters on my hands. I used to be in pretty good shape. What the hell happened to me?

FMB - I sure would have payed $75 and watched if I could have found someone to do it. My neighbor had called around and it seemed like everyone wanted $400 to do it. I should have checked around myself.

As for the Toro, I have a 2 year old Lawnboy that doesn't mulch all that well. That's how all that dead grass got down there to begin with. I pretty much bag everything now, which is a pain in the ass. But I can't justify getting a new mower so soon.

[motherscratcher]

http://www.allaboutlawns.com/lawn-maintenance-care/aerating-and-thatch/how-do-i-dethatch.php

Scroll down to item number 6 MS.

That makes me a sad Panda.

[aoxo1]

I read on the tubes that thatch is not a result of short clippings from mulching lawn mowers: http://urbanext.illinois.edu/lawnchallenge/lesson5.html

The primary component of thatch is turfgrass stems and roots. It accumulates as these plant parts buildup faster than they breakdown. Thatch problems are due to a combination of biological, cultural, and environmental factors. Cultural practices can have a big impact on thatch. For example, heavy nitrogen fertilizer applications or overwatering frequently contribute to thatch, because they cause the lawn to grow excessively fast. Avoid overfertilizing and overwatering. Despite popular belief, short clippings dropped on the lawn after mowing are not the cause of thatch buildup. Clippings are very high in water content and breakdown rapidly when returned to lawns after mowing, assuming lawns are mowed on a regular basis (not removing more than one-third of the leaf blade).

[Orenthal]

I don't really much like getting stonewalled on my weekend nights...

[FUDU]

I own a Neuton battery powered mower, courtesy of you guys, thanks to the tax rebates from GWB. It will have paid for itself sometime next summer in the third year I've owned it.

[Fire Marshall Bill]

pussy

Can't argue with that, unfortunately.

Damn, I was sore for 2 days from that and still have blisters on my hands. I used to be in pretty good shape. What the hell happened to me?

FMB - I sure would have payed $75 and watched if I could have found someone to do it. My neighbor had called around and it seemed like everyone wanted $400 to do it. I should have checked around myself.

As for the Toro, I have a 2 year old Lawnboy that doesn't mulch all that well. That's how all that dead grass got down there to begin with. I pretty much bag everything now, which is a pain in the ass. But I can't justify getting a new mower so soon.

Sell the Lawn Boy to FUDU when his electric one dies next year

Then buy a Toro

...and don't listen to CDT either...John Deeres are crap and thankfully, "nothing else runs like a Deere"

[Cerebral_DownTime]

Ahahahaha. "John Deere are crap".

Mine is 22 years old and has never had anything done but basic maitenance.

They're the best, it's a fact. It can't be disputed.

[Fire Marshall Bill]

It was made in Japan ya know?

[Cerebral_DownTime]

I don't care if it was made on Phobos.

[FUDU]

LOL, FMB, what exactly is going to happen to mine that will make it die? It's battery powered, and I know enough about batteries to rig up a non OEM battery to make it run if by some odd chance I couldn't get an OEM battery. Plus plastic doesn't rust.

[Fire Marshall Bill]

LOL, FMB, what exactly is going to happen to mine that will make it die? It's battery powered, and I know enough about batteries to rig up a non OEM battery to make it run if by some odd chance I couldn't get an OEM battery. Plus plastic doesn't rust.

Yeah forgot you worked on Neutron...... but you know I'm just fucking with ya...how many volts? String or blade?

Phobos.....sounds galactical

That anywhere near Neutron where FUDU goes to buy mowers no one else ever heard of?

[FUDU]

Blade, and enough amps to spin that blade fast enough to kill.

[Fire Marshall Bill]

Blade, and enough amps to spin that blade fast enough to kill.

You ever seen the electric car drag race vid?

Dude has a little beat up piece of shit with batteries in the trunk. Goes to the track and dusts every car he runs against. Leaves hemis and Vettes at the gate and beats 'em by at least half the track

And IIRC that was with standard batteries which he was changing to lithium

[Cerebral_DownTime]

Here's some advice on what not to do ever: Don't stick your finger in a cigar cutter because you're drunk and your friend says "hey stick your finger in here".

Playing on the roof might sound like fun when you're drunk, it's not.

[FUDU]

Blade, and enough amps to spin that blade fast enough to kill.

You ever seen the electric car drag race vid?

Dude has a little beat up piece of shit with batteries in the trunk. Goes to the track and dusts every car he runs against. Leaves hemis and Vettes at the gate and beats 'em by at least half the track

And IIRC that was with standard batteries which he was changing to lithium

They are becoming more and more common place at tracks. I've toyed with the idea of turning my daily driver into an electric drag car, (since it is getting beat up and I could use a new ride) instead of getting an electric daily driver. A real kicker is the high torque to low RPM launch you can do with an electric car as a opposed to a gas engine. Seeing some of these electric cars take off is mind boggling.

[Fire Marshall Bill]

Blade, and enough amps to spin that blade fast enough to kill.

You ever seen the electric car drag race vid?

Dude has a little beat up piece of shit with batteries in the trunk. Goes to the track and dusts every car he runs against. Leaves hemis and Vettes at the gate and beats 'em by at least half the track

And IIRC that was with standard batteries which he was changing to lithium

They are becoming more and more common place at tracks. I've toyed with the idea of turning my daily driver into an electric drag car, (since it is getting beat up and I could use a new ride) instead of getting an electric daily driver. A real kicker is the high torque to low RPM launch you can do with an electric car as a opposed to a gas engine. Seeing some of these electric cars take off is mind boggling.

That was the other thing. No smoking tires.

Just a green light and gone. Like an HO race set

[motherscratcher]

So I says to myself I says: "Self, you have the whole day to do something productive. It's the middle of June and about to be 90 degrees for the next month. What would be a good thing for you to get done?"

"I know, I'll de-thatch the lawn!"

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lawn2.jpg (70.11 KiB) Viewed 282 times

"That's a great plan Scratcher, that's fucking ingenius if I understand it correctly. It's a Swiss fucking watch."