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Boats and Hoes

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Boats and Hoes

Unread postby Bill the Butcher » Thu May 27, 2010 2:40 pm

I'm going on a cruise soon. First timer.

Any general tips on other things I should bring other than the essentials as well as things to do while on the boat, etc?

Thanks in advance.
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Re: Boats and Hoes

Unread postby mswerb » Thu May 27, 2010 2:55 pm

Dude, you DRINK on the boat.
If the ship has a pool, it's filled with salt water, keep your mouth closed.
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Re: Boats and Hoes

Unread postby Ziner » Thu May 27, 2010 2:56 pm

When you get wasted don't fall off the boat.
In the end, we're all "only for a limited time," you guys.
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Re: Boats and Hoes

Unread postby motherscratcher » Thu May 27, 2010 3:07 pm

1. There are some people who get seasick on the boat. I've seen people wear those little wrist band things. I guess they help. My recommendation would be to stay drunk the entire time. That's what I did and I never felt seasick once.

2. At the ports of call, if you are going somewhere in a cab, just keep your eyes closed. If you open them while the crazy cab driver is zipping in and out of traffic like he's playing pole position, it will just scare the shit out of you. If you crash you will be happy that your eyes were closed.

3. If you are stopping at a place like Cozumel, don't pay the asking price for anything. It is always negotiable.

4. If you are looking at bowls and they ask you if you need any Mexican Tobacco, it is not tobacco.

5. Wear a rubber.

6. Don't catch anything penicillin can't cure.

7. Try the cherries jubilee.
According to my sources CDT farts in the tub and bites the bubbles.
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Re: Boats and Hoes

Unread postby waborat » Thu May 27, 2010 4:27 pm

1. Take a lot of money to pay for your bar tab at the end of the trip...Seriously

2. Take a lot of money for tips...You are expected to tip everyone from Stewards, Waiters, Busboys, Bartenders, Waitresses, Bands, The Captain, etc

3. Take a lot of money for ports...You will be asked to pay for such shitty items as "turtle whistles" & "hair braiding" from the time that you step off the ship...You will also need more money for all the additional alcohol that you will be purchasing & consuming at these said ports

4. Take a lot of money for excursions...Do not, I repeat, do not pay for any excursions while on your ship...I cannot say this enough, your ship will tell you that it is THE safest way for you to enjoy these tours and then when you get off of the ship you will find out that the tours actually cost about 50% less if you would have waited...You will now feel like the Captain just had sex with you and didn't say he loved you afterwards

5. Take a lot of money for gambling...this will be one of the more exciting things to do on the ship after 50 hours of being on it...Unless you don't gamble? Then take a lot of money for the beauty salon

Other than that, enjoy yourself :thumb up:
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Re: Boats and Hoes

Unread postby Love child of shawn kemp » Thu May 27, 2010 4:34 pm

Don't book any port excursions through the cruise line. You can book stuff yourself directly ahead of time for 1/2 the price. Also, on your first night, go to the bow of the boat, climb the fence, stretch out your arms and feel the breeze in your hair as you scream " I am the king of the world".
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Re: Boats and Hoes

Unread postby Stu » Thu May 27, 2010 10:09 pm

waborat wrote:2. Take a lot of money for tips...You are expected to tip everyone from Stewards, Waiters, Busboys, Bartenders, Waitresses, Bands, The Captain, etc


Just got off a cruise to bermuda with norwegian. There was a 12 dollar per person per day fee for tips. I tipped 2 dinners extra and threw an extra 10 to the guy that cleaned the rooms. But otherwise, it was settled in the 12 a day. Still a lot but they also gave us 150 in ship credits so basically, the tips were paid for.





Where is the cruise going? If you are going to Alaska, 90% of what has been said here is useless information.
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Re: Boats and Hoes

Unread postby waborat » Fri May 28, 2010 6:21 am

Stu wrote:
If you are going to Alaska, 90% of what has been said here is useless information.


100% if you're going to the Gulf of Mexico
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Re: Boats and Hoes

Unread postby motherscratcher » Fri May 28, 2010 9:13 am

Which cruise line are you using and where are you stopping?
According to my sources CDT farts in the tub and bites the bubbles.
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Re: Boats and Hoes

Unread postby Larvell Blanks » Fri May 28, 2010 9:19 am

I hear the Minnesota Vikings sponser a great cruise

Image


Boats and hoes, indeed!
Galley Boys are slop on top of a so-so burger and a bun you coulde get from a Covneninet food mart generic pack. They the Antoine Joubert of burgers; soft, sloppy, oozing grease and cheap sauce and extremely overrated by a biased fan base. Proof that if you throw enough cheap sauce shit on a burger you still can't overcome the lame burger. -JB
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Re: Boats and Hoes

Unread postby Bill the Butcher » Sat May 29, 2010 6:05 pm

Thanks again for the tips/advice/suggestions so far.

Motherscratcher wrote:Which cruise line are you using and where are you stopping?


Norwegian Cruise Line

Great Stirrup Cay, Nassau, and Grand Bahama Island, Bahamas
Last edited by Bill the Butcher on Wed Jun 02, 2010 2:32 pm, edited 1 time in total.
4thQtrGlory wrote:If we got all that, i would hang a browns flag from my boner for 2 weeks straight...
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Re: Boats and Hoes

Unread postby waborat » Sat May 29, 2010 9:04 pm

Bill the Butcher wrote:In all seriousness, how easy/difficult is it to get some ass on a cruise?


Pretty damn easy...

AYCE, 24/7...

Your belly will prolly get big first though (unless you're a chick)
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Re: Boats and Hoes

Unread postby mattvan1 » Mon May 31, 2010 11:24 am

Take onboard your own booze. This is an absolute 100% imperative. We packed an entire suitcase. If you like wine with dinner you can bring your own and they'll charge a corkage fee. Get to know your steward, so when you need more limes for your gin and tonics he'll be happy to run to the galley and fetch some for you.
I don't need to be patient, they're going to be shit forever.
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Re: Boats and Hoes

Unread postby Orenthal » Mon May 31, 2010 2:17 pm

"When a man with money meets a man with experience, the man with experience leaves with money and the man with money leaves with experience."
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Re: Boats and Hoes

Unread postby Cerebral_DownTime » Mon May 31, 2010 3:55 pm

lol. The Israelies could fuck up a ham sandwich.
"Our name is Legion, for we are many."
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Re: Boats and Hoes

Unread postby motherscratcher » Mon May 31, 2010 9:04 pm

Cerebral_DownTime wrote:lol. The Israelies could fuck up a ham sandwich.


Wait, are you saying that mossad is responsible for Mama Cass?
According to my sources CDT farts in the tub and bites the bubbles.
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Re: Boats and Hoes

Unread postby Cerebral_DownTime » Mon May 31, 2010 9:16 pm

Motherscratcher wrote:
Cerebral_DownTime wrote:lol. The Israelies could fuck up a ham sandwich.


Wait, are you saying that mossad is responsible for Mama Cass?


Yes I am.
"Our name is Legion, for we are many."
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Re: Boats and Hoes

Unread postby motherscratcher » Mon May 31, 2010 9:17 pm

Cerebral_DownTime wrote:
Motherscratcher wrote:
Cerebral_DownTime wrote:lol. The Israelies could fuck up a ham sandwich.


Wait, are you saying that mossad is responsible for Mama Cass?


Yes I am.


Well this changes everything.
According to my sources CDT farts in the tub and bites the bubbles.
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Re: Boats and Hoes

Unread postby peeker643 » Mon May 31, 2010 10:10 pm

Motherscratcher wrote:
Cerebral_DownTime wrote:
Motherscratcher wrote:
Cerebral_DownTime wrote:lol. The Israelies could fuck up a ham sandwich.


Wait, are you saying that mossad is responsible for Mama Cass?


Yes I am.


Well this changes everything.


Amen. I could suspend my thoughts and my belief system for a lot of things. Murder, revenge, etc. But not Mama Cass.

No effin' way.

This shifts the paradigm.
"Great minds think alike. The opposite is also true."

"None of us is as dumb as all of us."


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Re: Boats and Hoes

Unread postby Cerebral_DownTime » Mon May 31, 2010 10:59 pm

I'm pretty sure they also gave John Belushi his last speedball.
"Our name is Legion, for we are many."
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Re: Boats and Hoes

Unread postby Bill the Butcher » Tue Jun 01, 2010 7:11 pm

Bringing your own alcohol is prohibited, so that means I'm gonna have to smuggle.

Anybody know the consequences if caught? Is it worth it?
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Re: Boats and Hoes

Unread postby waborat » Tue Jun 01, 2010 7:45 pm

Bill the Butcher wrote:
Anybody know the consequences if caught?


Ya gotta wear your life vest everywhere you go...

And it's pink
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Re: Boats and Hoes

Unread postby mattvan1 » Tue Jun 01, 2010 8:10 pm

Bill the Butcher wrote:Bringing your own alcohol is prohibited, so that means I'm gonna have to smuggle.

Anybody know the consequences if caught? Is it worth it?


Are you sure? We went on Carnivale a couple of years ago. Wine was expressly allowed. Booze was not, but we brought it anyway. What are they going to do? Throw you in the brig?
I don't need to be patient, they're going to be shit forever.
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Re: Boats and Hoes

Unread postby Bill the Butcher » Tue Jun 01, 2010 8:38 pm

mattvan1 wrote:
Bill the Butcher wrote:Bringing your own alcohol is prohibited, so that means I'm gonna have to smuggle.

Anybody know the consequences if caught? Is it worth it?


Are you sure? We went on Carnivale a couple of years ago. Wine was expressly allowed. Booze was not, but we brought it anyway. What are they going to do? Throw you in the brig?


Correction: "Please remember that you can't bring personal liquor on board, as stated on the Guest Ticket Contract."

Unless I've been told wrong my entire life and beer is considered the same as liquor.
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Re: Boats and Hoes

Unread postby waborat » Tue Jun 01, 2010 9:47 pm

Bill the Butcher wrote:
mattvan1 wrote:
Bill the Butcher wrote:Bringing your own alcohol is prohibited, so that means I'm gonna have to smuggle.

Anybody know the consequences if caught? Is it worth it?


Are you sure? We went on Carnivale a couple of years ago. Wine was expressly allowed. Booze was not, but we brought it anyway. What are they going to do? Throw you in the brig?


Correction: "Please remember that you can't bring personal liquor on board, as stated on the Guest Ticket Contract."

Unless I've been told wrong my entire life and beer is considered the same as liquor.


Yes, wine is always allowed...

We've always brought liquor with us and have never had a problem or been asked if we had any...

What's the worse they could do, take it from you? I guess leave the 80 year old Cognac at home...

You can't bring it aboard from the ports anymore for immediate consumption which sucks
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Re: Boats and Hoes

Unread postby Cerebral_DownTime » Tue Jun 01, 2010 11:30 pm

waborat wrote:What's the worse they could do, take it from you? I guess leave the 80 year old Cognac at home...


They could feed you to the trained sharks with chainsaws attached to their snouts.
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Re: Boats and Hoes

Unread postby Larvell Blanks » Wed Jun 02, 2010 8:16 am

Cerebral_DownTime wrote:
waborat wrote:What's the worse they could do, take it from you? I guess leave the 80 year old Cognac at home...


They could feed you to the trained sharks with chainsaws attached to their snouts.


I call Bullshit on this. No way a shark would deal with a chainsaw on it's snout.

This however is much more believable and more deadly

Image



Bill, just throw your favorite poison in a shampoo bottle or anyother type of plastic bottle. They won't run threw your luggage like a TSA at the airport. My Mother in Law went on a Super Bowl cruise last year and you should've seen the amount of liquor those blue hairs stuffed intheir luggage.
Galley Boys are slop on top of a so-so burger and a bun you coulde get from a Covneninet food mart generic pack. They the Antoine Joubert of burgers; soft, sloppy, oozing grease and cheap sauce and extremely overrated by a biased fan base. Proof that if you throw enough cheap sauce shit on a burger you still can't overcome the lame burger. -JB
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Re: Boats and Hoes

Unread postby motherscratcher » Wed Jun 02, 2010 9:36 am

Larvell Blanks wrote:
Cerebral_DownTime wrote:
waborat wrote:What's the worse they could do, take it from you? I guess leave the 80 year old Cognac at home...


They could feed you to the trained sharks with chainsaws attached to their snouts.


I call Bullshit on this. No way a shark would deal with a chainsaw on it's snout.

This however is much more believable and more deadly

Image



Bill, just throw your favorite poison in a shampoo bottle or anyother type of plastic bottle. They won't run threw your luggage like a TSA at the airport. My Mother in Law went on a Super Bowl cruise last year and you should've seen the amount of liquor those blue hairs stuffed intheir luggage.


Yes, the Commando Bear Shark attack has been an ever increasing problem. That's why BP decided to put all of that oil in the water...to slow them down and give vacationers a fighting chance.

Thank you BP for making our waters safe again.

Of course everyone just wants to focus on the negatives. Freakin' left wing bullshit media. Nothing changes.
According to my sources CDT farts in the tub and bites the bubbles.
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Re: Boats and Hoes

Unread postby rebelwithoutaclue » Wed Jun 02, 2010 10:51 am

Cerebral_DownTime wrote:
waborat wrote:What's the worse they could do, take it from you? I guess leave the 80 year old Cognac at home...


They could feed you to the trained sharks with chainsaws attached to their snouts.



Chainsaws are so out-dated.

Fuck the Browns...
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Re: Boats and Hoes

Unread postby Cerebral_DownTime » Wed Jun 02, 2010 10:01 pm

rebelwithoutaclue wrote:
Chainsaws are so out-dated.




Image

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Re: Boats and Hoes

Unread postby pod2dawg » Sat Jun 05, 2010 2:31 pm

Butcher,

First you're about to have a GREAT time so be ready. It can get pricey as pointed out above. I do have a few "pearls" to impart:

1. I'd bring about three different motion sickness Meds with you.All do not work for everyone and I lost one day from non-alcohol related nausea/vomiting.
2. The booze is cheap in the Islands, not on the ship, so buy the booze on your day-trips. DO NOT BUY BOTTLES from the menu in the dining rooms onboard. ($$$$)
3. On your day trips, especially in Martinique avoid the "open markets" and street vendors off the beaten path. Montezuma's Revenge.
4. Sunscreen.
5. Practice sleeping in a closet. The rooms are pretty small. Of course all you'll do is f#$$ck & sleep there but just the same..think camper bathroom unless you spend the extra $$$$ for upgrade. Two drunken days in and trying to avoid the two girls you're lying to...well you get the picture. You'll be REALLY good if you can get both chicks in there with you.:)
6. Have a blast!
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Re: Boats and Hoes

Unread postby Shadow Scars » Fri Jun 11, 2010 1:15 pm

Boats and Hoes! All I can think about is the song from Step Brothers haha! I would recommend avoiding any cruise that goes through the Bermuda triangle because you might not come back.

I've never been on a cruise but my dad has and he always talks about needing to be careful at some of the ports because everyone is trying to either rip you off, sell you drugs, or murder you if you wander to far off. Not sure which ports he was referring to but I would avoid those lol. Have fun!
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