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I need some serious advice

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I need some serious advice

Unread postby jfiling » Mon Jul 07, 2008 8:47 pm

I have this great female friend, who is in a shitty relationship. She works across the parking lot from me, but we mostly communicate on MySpace. I'm getting married in 36 hours, so it's not like I have any sort of romantic attachment to her.

The problem is, her boyfriend is a psycho dick. She hasn't responded to my last message, even though it shows as read, and I think it was her boyfriend that read it, not her. There was nothing to get her in trouble. His profile says "LETS GET READY TO RUMBLE! BY THE WAY I HATE WHORES!" and this concerns me knowing where their relationship is right now. I know I'm leaving a lot to the imagination, but I'm trying to figure out what to do. My fiancee has said she'd call her from her cell phone to see how she is, but I'm wanting to call her right now. I'm really torn, because I don't want to make a bad situation worse, but I'm worried about her. Suggestions?
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Unread postby Bill the Butcher » Mon Jul 07, 2008 8:54 pm

If she openly talks to you about her relationship, then it shouldn't be any problem for you to confront her and let her know that you and your fiancee are there for her.

I'd say this is a serious situation. And like I said, if she confides in you, show her that you really listened.
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Unread postby jfiling » Mon Jul 07, 2008 9:06 pm

Thanks, Bill. I finally just heard from her, and she said that her boyfriend is pissed at her because he thinks she's fucking other guys (probably me included). That's great, now I get to keep an eye out for this psycho showing up at my job to kick my ass for something I didn't do. At least I know I don't have to call the cops or go over there myself.
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Unread postby Bill the Butcher » Tue Jul 08, 2008 12:02 am

You're welcome.

But man... 23 views and only 1 response. Goes to show how helpful we are to others... NOT.
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Unread postby buckeye319 » Tue Jul 08, 2008 12:35 am

Bill the Butcher wrote:You're welcome.

But man... 23 views and only 1 response. Goes to show how helpful we are to others... NOT.


OK, I'll help.

One of the best lessons my Dad ever taught me: Avoid nutcases at all costs. That goes for you and your lady friend.

It works.
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Unread postby Mr. MacPhisto » Tue Jul 08, 2008 2:37 am

It's a tricky situation. If she's receptive to talking about it then that's a good idea but a lot of women don't seem to listen when guys give them relationship advice. I've experienced that with a very good friend that's now separated from her husband and didn't want to listen to me and others before she got married. He's not a psycho, just a bigtime asshole. Still, many women might know the flaws of the guys but they get so head over heels and believe that they'll change, that the psycho will become sane and that the guy who beats them just needs to right kind of attention to become better.

At least if you talk to her about it and provide good advice (like suggestions about getting out of a bad relationship) you've done what you can as a friend. The rest is up to her to wake up and see the guy for what he is.
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Unread postby KFletch » Tue Jul 08, 2008 7:42 am

This is a super sticky situation...I would have your fiancee text her or call her to make sure she is okay...

Do you know anyone else who works in her office? I would see if they could check on her to make sure she is okay.

As a friend, I would tell her she needs to get out of that relationship STAT and it sounds like she might need a restraining order based on this guy's psycho tendencies.

Good luck, abusive relationships are hard especially w/ boundry issues.

Also, good luck in your marriage :) Congrats!
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Unread postby jfiling » Tue Jul 08, 2008 5:02 pm

Thanks for the responses. He's not a psycho in the sense that he's ever hit her, but he is severely bipolar, and she gets the brunt of his passive-aggressiveness. It turns out she was charging her cellphone when I called her. I know better than to get too involved in her mess, but I was really worried last night. It doesn't help that if things were a little different she and I might have ended up together. I don't think about that much, though, seeing as how I'm getting married in 15.5 hours.
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Unread postby jfiling » Tue Jul 08, 2008 9:26 pm

As the blind man said to the deaf man, Fuck Me.

I know he's still nothing but a passive-aggressive asshole who talks the talk and that's it, but when I see shit like this I really want to call the cops.

TINMAN WAS FINE UNTIL I HAD TO LOOK AT CARRIE THEN THE ANGER AND HOSTILITY BUILT RIGHT BACK UP TO POSSIBLE MURDER SUICIDE


I've talked to her, and she's cool at home.

I know all I can do is be her friend and listen, and try to keep in mind that her jackass boyfriend isn't going to do any of the crap he talks about, but I still worry. I don't know what I'd do if he actually acted on his bullshit threats.
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Unread postby buckeye319 » Wed Jul 09, 2008 2:24 am

jfiling wrote:I know all I can do is be her friend and listen, and try to keep in mind that her jackass boyfriend isn't going to do any of the crap he talks about, but I still worry. I don't know what I'd do if he actually acted on his bullshit threats.


In all seriousness dude, a "severely bipolar" person can be a very dangerous person if they are going through an unstable time, not taking their meds, or simply one with a more serious case of bipolarity than normal.

Just saying I might reconsider the notion that this guy would never act on any of the crap he talks about if I were you.

Actually, I would heed KFletch's advice above. She obviously needs to get out of this relationship for her safety and everyone involved with her.
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Unread postby General » Wed Jul 09, 2008 7:15 am

Your friend needs to find one of those safe houses and commit to getting away from this guy. No good can come of their continued relationship.
Last edited by General on Thu Jul 10, 2008 7:23 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Unread postby jfiling » Wed Jul 09, 2008 4:47 pm

Yeah, I know what I should tell her, and then she'd tell me it's none of my business, which is true. She knows I'm worried about her, but she isn't worried at all. I trust her, and I think she is leaving him once their lease expires in February.
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