Boats and Hoes

[Bill the Butcher]

I'm going on a cruise soon. First timer.

Any general tips on other things I should bring other than the essentials as well as things to do while on the boat, etc?

Thanks in advance.

[mswerb]

Dude, you DRINK on the boat.
If the ship has a pool, it's filled with salt water, keep your mouth closed.

[Ziner]

When you get wasted don't fall off the boat.

[motherscratcher]

1. There are some people who get seasick on the boat. I've seen people wear those little wrist band things. I guess they help. My recommendation would be to stay drunk the entire time. That's what I did and I never felt seasick once.

2. At the ports of call, if you are going somewhere in a cab, just keep your eyes closed. If you open them while the crazy cab driver is zipping in and out of traffic like he's playing pole position, it will just scare the shit out of you. If you crash you will be happy that your eyes were closed.

3. If you are stopping at a place like Cozumel, don't pay the asking price for anything. It is always negotiable.

4. If you are looking at bowls and they ask you if you need any Mexican Tobacco, it is not tobacco.

5. Wear a rubber.

6. Don't catch anything penicillin can't cure.

7. Try the cherries jubilee.

[waborat]

1. Take a lot of money to pay for your bar tab at the end of the trip...Seriously

2. Take a lot of money for tips...You are expected to tip everyone from Stewards, Waiters, Busboys, Bartenders, Waitresses, Bands, The Captain, etc

3. Take a lot of money for ports...You will be asked to pay for such shitty items as "turtle whistles" & "hair braiding" from the time that you step off the ship...You will also need more money for all the additional alcohol that you will be purchasing & consuming at these said ports

4. Take a lot of money for excursions...Do not, I repeat, do not pay for any excursions while on your ship...I cannot say this enough, your ship will tell you that it is THE safest way for you to enjoy these tours and then when you get off of the ship you will find out that the tours actually cost about 50% less if you would have waited...You will now feel like the Captain just had sex with you and didn't say he loved you afterwards

5. Take a lot of money for gambling...this will be one of the more exciting things to do on the ship after 50 hours of being on it...Unless you don't gamble? Then take a lot of money for the beauty salon

Other than that, enjoy yourself

[Love child of shawn kemp]

Don't book any port excursions through the cruise line. You can book stuff yourself directly ahead of time for 1/2 the price. Also, on your first night, go to the bow of the boat, climb the fence, stretch out your arms and feel the breeze in your hair as you scream " I am the king of the world".

[Stu]

2. Take a lot of money for tips...You are expected to tip everyone from Stewards, Waiters, Busboys, Bartenders, Waitresses, Bands, The Captain, etc

Just got off a cruise to bermuda with norwegian. There was a 12 dollar per person per day fee for tips. I tipped 2 dinners extra and threw an extra 10 to the guy that cleaned the rooms. But otherwise, it was settled in the 12 a day. Still a lot but they also gave us 150 in ship credits so basically, the tips were paid for.





Where is the cruise going? If you are going to Alaska, 90% of what has been said here is useless information.

[waborat]

If you are going to Alaska, 90% of what has been said here is useless information.

100% if you're going to the Gulf of Mexico

[motherscratcher]

Which cruise line are you using and where are you stopping?

[Larvell Blanks]

I hear the Minnesota Vikings sponser a great cruise




Boats and hoes, indeed!

[Bill the Butcher]

Thanks again for the tips/advice/suggestions so far.

Which cruise line are you using and where are you stopping?

Norwegian Cruise Line

Great Stirrup Cay, Nassau, and Grand Bahama Island, Bahamas

[waborat]

In all seriousness, how easy/difficult is it to get some ass on a cruise?

Pretty damn easy...

AYCE, 24/7...

Your belly will prolly get big first though (unless you're a chick)

[mattvan1]

Take onboard your own booze. This is an absolute 100% imperative. We packed an entire suitcase. If you like wine with dinner you can bring your own and they'll charge a corkage fee. Get to know your steward, so when you need more limes for your gin and tonics he'll be happy to run to the galley and fetch some for you.

[Orenthal]

Do not go on this cruise line...



http://www.google.com/hostednews/afp/article/ALeqM5j8Z23Ideqt30MKsc0qXfcd9_164A

[Cerebral_DownTime]

lol. The Israelies could fuck up a ham sandwich.

[motherscratcher]

lol. The Israelies could fuck up a ham sandwich.

Wait, are you saying that mossad is responsible for Mama Cass?

[Cerebral_DownTime]

lol. The Israelies could fuck up a ham sandwich.

Wait, are you saying that mossad is responsible for Mama Cass?

Yes I am.

[motherscratcher]

lol. The Israelies could fuck up a ham sandwich.

Wait, are you saying that mossad is responsible for Mama Cass?

Yes I am.

Well this changes everything.

[peeker643]

lol. The Israelies could fuck up a ham sandwich.

Wait, are you saying that mossad is responsible for Mama Cass?

Yes I am.

Well this changes everything.

Amen. I could suspend my thoughts and my belief system for a lot of things. Murder, revenge, etc. But not Mama Cass.

No effin' way.

This shifts the paradigm.

[Cerebral_DownTime]

I'm pretty sure they also gave John Belushi his last speedball.

[Bill the Butcher]

Bringing your own alcohol is prohibited, so that means I'm gonna have to smuggle.

Anybody know the consequences if caught? Is it worth it?

[waborat]

Anybody know the consequences if caught?

Ya gotta wear your life vest everywhere you go...

And it's pink

[mattvan1]

Bringing your own alcohol is prohibited, so that means I'm gonna have to smuggle.

Anybody know the consequences if caught? Is it worth it?

Are you sure? We went on Carnivale a couple of years ago. Wine was expressly allowed. Booze was not, but we brought it anyway. What are they going to do? Throw you in the brig?

[Bill the Butcher]

Bringing your own alcohol is prohibited, so that means I'm gonna have to smuggle.

Anybody know the consequences if caught? Is it worth it?

Are you sure? We went on Carnivale a couple of years ago. Wine was expressly allowed. Booze was not, but we brought it anyway. What are they going to do? Throw you in the brig?

Correction: "Please remember that you can't bring personal liquor on board, as stated on the Guest Ticket Contract."

Unless I've been told wrong my entire life and beer is considered the same as liquor.

[waborat]

Bringing your own alcohol is prohibited, so that means I'm gonna have to smuggle.

Anybody know the consequences if caught? Is it worth it?

Are you sure? We went on Carnivale a couple of years ago. Wine was expressly allowed. Booze was not, but we brought it anyway. What are they going to do? Throw you in the brig?

Correction: "Please remember that you can't bring personal liquor on board, as stated on the Guest Ticket Contract."

Unless I've been told wrong my entire life and beer is considered the same as liquor.

Yes, wine is always allowed...

We've always brought liquor with us and have never had a problem or been asked if we had any...

What's the worse they could do, take it from you? I guess leave the 80 year old Cognac at home...

You can't bring it aboard from the ports anymore for immediate consumption which sucks

[Cerebral_DownTime]

What's the worse they could do, take it from you? I guess leave the 80 year old Cognac at home...

They could feed you to the trained sharks with chainsaws attached to their snouts.

[Larvell Blanks]

What's the worse they could do, take it from you? I guess leave the 80 year old Cognac at home...

They could feed you to the trained sharks with chainsaws attached to their snouts.

I call Bullshit on this. No way a shark would deal with a chainsaw on it's snout.

This however is much more believable and more deadly





Bill, just throw your favorite poison in a shampoo bottle or anyother type of plastic bottle. They won't run threw your luggage like a TSA at the airport. My Mother in Law went on a Super Bowl cruise last year and you should've seen the amount of liquor those blue hairs stuffed intheir luggage.

[motherscratcher]

What's the worse they could do, take it from you? I guess leave the 80 year old Cognac at home...

They could feed you to the trained sharks with chainsaws attached to their snouts.

I call Bullshit on this. No way a shark would deal with a chainsaw on it's snout.

This however is much more believable and more deadly





Bill, just throw your favorite poison in a shampoo bottle or anyother type of plastic bottle. They won't run threw your luggage like a TSA at the airport. My Mother in Law went on a Super Bowl cruise last year and you should've seen the amount of liquor those blue hairs stuffed intheir luggage.

Yes, the Commando Bear Shark attack has been an ever increasing problem. That's why BP decided to put all of that oil in the water...to slow them down and give vacationers a fighting chance.

Thank you BP for making our waters safe again.

Of course everyone just wants to focus on the negatives. Freakin' left wing bullshit media. Nothing changes.

[rebelwithoutaclue]

What's the worse they could do, take it from you? I guess leave the 80 year old Cognac at home...

They could feed you to the trained sharks with chainsaws attached to their snouts.

Chainsaws are so out-dated.

[Cerebral_DownTime]

Chainsaws are so out-dated.

"You wanna say that to my face(s)?"

[pod2dawg]

Butcher,

First you're about to have a GREAT time so be ready. It can get pricey as pointed out above. I do have a few "pearls" to impart:

1. I'd bring about three different motion sickness Meds with you.All do not work for everyone and I lost one day from non-alcohol related nausea/vomiting.
2. The booze is cheap in the Islands, not on the ship, so buy the booze on your day-trips. DO NOT BUY BOTTLES from the menu in the dining rooms onboard. ($$$$)
3. On your day trips, especially in Martinique avoid the "open markets" and street vendors off the beaten path. Montezuma's Revenge.
4. Sunscreen.
5. Practice sleeping in a closet. The rooms are pretty small. Of course all you'll do is f#$$ck & sleep there but just the same..think camper bathroom unless you spend the extra $$$$ for upgrade. Two drunken days in and trying to avoid the two girls you're lying to...well you get the picture. You'll be REALLY good if you can get both chicks in there with you.:)
6. Have a blast!

[Shadow Scars]

Boats and Hoes! All I can think about is the song from Step Brothers haha! I would recommend avoiding any cruise that goes through the Bermuda triangle because you might not come back.

I've never been on a cruise but my dad has and he always talks about needing to be careful at some of the ports because everyone is trying to either rip you off, sell you drugs, or murder you if you wander to far off. Not sure which ports he was referring to but I would avoid those lol. Have fun!