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Ted Williams Collects a Couple More Knocks

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Ted Williams Collects a Couple More Knocks

Unread postby peeker643 » Fri Oct 02, 2009 10:04 pm

I wish I could make this shit up.

Bury or cremate loved ones and yourself fellas.

http://sports.espn.go.com/boston/mlb/ne ... id=4524957

PHOENIX -- A new book by a former employee of Alcor, the company that froze Ted Williams' remains, alleges the baseball Hall of Famer's body was mistreated by the company.

Larry Johnson says in the book "Frozen: My Journey Into the World of Cryonics, Deception and Death" that he watched an Alcor official swing a monkey wrench at Williams' frozen severed head to try to remove a tuna can stuck to it. The first swing accidentally struck the head, Johnson contends, and the second knocked the tuna can loose.

Alcor Life Extension Foundation of Scottsdale, Ariz., issued a statement on its Web site denying the allegations and promising legal action.




At least they got that damned can off his head.

Which begs the obvious question as to which hump came up with the idea of fucking with the Splinter in the first case:

"Dude, screw it. I'm gonna stick this Starkist can on Teddy Ballgame's frozen dome. It'll be epic. Shit, it's fucking stuck. Where's the monkey wrench bro?"

Edit: And yeah, before there are any crocodile tears, I put this in NHB because I find it funnier than midgets and monkeys. Which are both hilarious, especially if paired together.
Last edited by peeker643 on Fri Oct 02, 2009 10:14 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Ted Williams Collects a Couple More Knocks

Unread postby jack_tors » Fri Oct 02, 2009 10:13 pm

Just goes to show you, karma is a bitch. Williams was a prick during his life and his legacy (along head apparently) have taken multiple hits the past few years.
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Re: Ted Williams Collects a Couple More Knocks

Unread postby peeker643 » Fri Oct 02, 2009 10:20 pm

Johnson says Alcor used the cans, from a cat that lived on the premises, as pedestals for the heads.


I'd have used a trophy ball holder in the shape of a glove.

"The disembodied face set in that awful, frozen scream looked nothing like any picture of Ted Williams I've ever seen," he wrote.


Apparently he never saw a picture of Williams after a called 3rd strike.

Johnson paints a macabre scene in a room packed with people, many of whom posed for pictures with Williams' body, both before and after the head was cut off. The book contends the head was "hanging by a thread" when an official entered the room and shouted that it was supposed to be a full-body freezing.


Oops. Someone's on tuna can duty after that fuck up.

This is easily my favorite news story ever.
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Re: Ted Williams Collects a Couple More Knocks

Unread postby Cerebral_DownTime » Fri Oct 02, 2009 10:33 pm

I just got back from the bar, drinking copious amounts of vodka and Redbull bombs, and I gotta say this is one of the funniest goddamn things i've read.

I've been laughing at this for like 10 minutes.

"Dude, screw it. I'm gonna stick this Starkist can on Teddy Ballgame's frozen dome. It'll be epic. Shit, it's fucking stuck. Where's the monkey wrench bro?"


Two dipshits sticking trash to Teddy Ballgame's nugget is so far beyond absurd.

And why the hell are we freezing peoples' heads? Is Ted coming back with a robot body?

Oh god, this country is great.
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Re: Ted Williams Collects a Couple More Knocks

Unread postby leadpipe » Fri Oct 02, 2009 10:37 pm

I hear they played pepper in the lab, batting William's dome around with John Holmes' frozen crank.
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Re: Ted Williams Collects a Couple More Knocks

Unread postby jfiling » Fri Oct 02, 2009 11:06 pm

I don't know who is going to shed crocodile tears. I think it's bloody hilarious.
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Re: Ted Williams Collects a Couple More Knocks

Unread postby TIMMAH » Sat Oct 03, 2009 4:22 pm

Those techs are making poor decisions if they honestly want to be the head of that company someday. If I were them, I wouldn't panic. The legal ramifications are nothing to lose their heads over. I still think Ted's family are pretty headstrong to make these decisions concerning his remains.
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Re: Ted Williams Collects a Couple More Knocks

Unread postby Mr. MacPhisto » Sun Oct 04, 2009 9:02 pm

Cerebral_DownTime wrote:I just got back from the bar, drinking copious amounts of vodka and Redbull bombs, and I gotta say this is one of the funniest goddamn things i've read.

I've been laughing at this for like 10 minutes.

"Dude, screw it. I'm gonna stick this Starkist can on Teddy Ballgame's frozen dome. It'll be epic. Shit, it's fucking stuck. Where's the monkey wrench bro?"


Two dipshits sticking trash to Teddy Ballgame's nugget is so far beyond absurd.

And why the hell are we freezing peoples' heads? Is Ted coming back with a robot body?

Oh god, this country is great.


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Re: Ted Williams Collects a Couple More Knocks

Unread postby Spin » Thu Oct 22, 2009 12:50 pm

Here's some pictures from inside the place...

http://www.frozenbook.com/photos.php

Has any of these geniuses considered the fact that freezing water causes it to expand? And that expansion destroys any cell that it's in?

But hey, it's their money. I'm sure 500 years from now, scientists are still going to look at this and say "WTF???"
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Re: Ted Williams Collects a Couple More Knocks

Unread postby TIMMAH » Thu Oct 22, 2009 4:19 pm

What do they think scientists will be able to do with just a head in the future? Is this futurama?
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Re: Ted Williams Collects a Couple More Knocks

Unread postby jack_tors » Thu Oct 22, 2009 9:41 pm

Spin wrote:Here's some pictures from inside the place...

http://www.frozenbook.com/photos.php

Has any of these geniuses considered the fact that freezing water causes it to expand? And that expansion destroys any cell that it's in?

But hey, it's their money. I'm sure 500 years from now, scientists are still going to look at this and say "WTF???"


Wow, thats some messed up shit man. Thanks for posting and ruining my night of sleep, LOL.. That head looked like a straight up zombie in the last picture.. This whole thing is so criminal, its amazing.
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